Monday, April 23, 2018
We're easing into the week with an Earwigs post because multiple sources in the media have declared that today, April 23, the world will come to an end - so we thought "why bother?"
The actual cause of Earth's destruction today isn't quite settled science. Some are saying that a phantom planet which usually hides coyly behind the sun will smash into us today, while others have declared that they've found previously unfathomed hints in the Bible that today will be the beginning of Armageddon. In either case, you'll surely be able to catch it all on Facebook Live.
It's particularly ironic that our planet is going kaput today because we're no longer incapacitated by acute diverticulitis. We're actually much improved, and pounced on a dab of scrambled eggs and white toast today in much the same way that the bird above would hurl itself at a worm if he ever sees one.
Eggs and toast might not sound like deluxe dining, but after a week of dining on thin broth, Werther's originals, teriyaki sauce, and gummi worms it felt like a feast! And this is as good a place as any to thank everyone for their well wishes and advice over the past week - all were (and are!) very much appreciated.
And no, we still can't drink liquor. So we wish the news media would make a greater effort to meet us halfway by not reporting so many things that would normally drive us to drink.
Further bulletins as warranted, and see you in the comments section! (And if anyone has previously missed it, just click on the title above each day's cartoon - like "Kiwi's Playhouse" today - and you'll be whisked away to the comments section where wisdom and hilarity cavort in equal measures!)
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg at 12:01 AM