Friday, April 17, 2020

The Hell You Say

Sure, these are semi-apocalyptic times - but to remind people just how good they've still got it, we're paying an actual visit to Hell today guided by my father.

Not that he's in Hell (as far as I know), but rather because, decades ago, my Dad wrote funny captions for the many illustrations in a tattered, century-old edition of Dante's Inferno. Which may help explain why I've been inspired to do the same sort of nonsense my whole life. The nuts, as they say, don't fall far from the tree.

But now, let's check on those who fall from Grace. And for anyone sensitive to the smell of sulfur and brimstone, be sure to wear your N95 mask...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, big don's inferno, dante's inferno, funny captions

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, big don's inferno, dante's inferno, funny captions

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, big don's inferno, dante's inferno, funny captions

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, big don's inferno, dante's inferno, funny captions

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, big don's inferno, dante's inferno, funny captions

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, big don's inferno, dante's inferno, funny captions
It's a moth joke - get it?
Have a great, safe, and socially isolated weekend!  -Stilt


M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Gotta say, Stilton, your father was funnier than Hell! :)

JC said...

Stepped in WHAT? I can't be the only one to catch the reference to classical music here.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Your dad had a helluva sense of humor, Stilt!

Fish Out of Water said...

Speaking of Hell or the concept of, is there anyone out there who can explain if the Jewish faith has a belief in Hell?

This question comes from watching a South Park rerun in which one of the characters states there is no Hell in Judaism.

Curious, I Googled, but did not find much in the way of useful information.

Fred Ciampi said...

I'm starting to feel like The Birdman of Alcatraz but without the birds.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...


A quick summation: "We Don’t Know, So We Must Make Our Lives Count." Not necessarily satisfying, afterlifewise, but not a bad life philosophy, nu? ;)

TrickyRicky said...

@Fred Ciampi- Yeah, I hear that. Our governor Polis seems to be trying to out-Whitmer the bitch in Lansing. Meanwhile I'm still marinating in Breaking Bad episodes on days when I don't work. Extreme entertainment for extreme times? I'm thinking of shaving my head (can't get a haircut anymore) growing my goatee, and digging out my college chemistry books.....

Stilt-I can certainly see the influence of your Dad in your blog. He must have been quite a guy.

Colby, Jack said...

@M. Mitchell Marmel

Checked out your link. Sheol You Say!

B.C. said...

He sure had a wicked wit. Glad you got his genes and not someone like Slow Joe's. (He'd probably think Dante's Inferno was one of the "poor kids" who used to stroke his blonde leg hairs at the pool.)

Studebaker Hauk said...

Here's to our Dads dead and gone.
They left us here to tend the lawn.
Should we forsake the things they said,
We too, may find ourselves as dead.

DougM said...

I hope there's a version of #1
that has a 'cold day in Hell' joke

Anonymous said...

I have seen the "This site does not exist" for days - WTF, over?
Glad you exist again.

Linda Lee said...

I am intrigued with the book and the illustrations. Never expected to see it here. You really turn up some gems. I love reading your posts.

Anonymous said...

Oh, good! We’re still better than Hell. I feel much better now. :-P

I’d go eat some ice cream to celebrate, but Pelosi Is hoarding it all in her dual Sub-Zeros. No joy in our lowly single Whirlpool.

mikebritt said...

I've seen the lowly whirlpool doing serious work in the Wuhan bio lab...state of the art. I tell ya!

Colby Muenster said...

Good'ns, Stilt!

The first one reminded me of an old joke.

An unfortunate man found himself being turned away from the pearly gates. When he arrived at his new, eternal home, a demon led him to a cavern with three doors (yeah, like THAT game show). He was instructed to pick one, but could not change his mind after he went through the door. Wailing and screaming emitted from door one. Horrible cries of agony was coming through door two. He only heard faint murmuring behind door three, so he picked that one. The demon opened the door and threw him in, slamming the door behind him. It was an infinitely huge lake of shit full of people with their noses barely above the surface, saying, "Don't make waves, don't make waves..."

I'll be here all week!

@Rhapsody The Blue,
I'd gladly buy Nan a lifetime of ice cream if she's just stay at home and eat it.

NVRick said...

Three souls waited at the Pearly Gates; a plumber, a doctor, and a lawyer.
As they walked in, St Peter took them on a tour. They walked past a nice one bedroom condo unit and Pete told the plumber that is where he would reside.
They walked a little further and Pete showed the doctor his new digs--a 2500 square foot house with 4 bedrooms and 3 baths.
Finally, they came to a magnificent 7000 square foot house with a pool, tennis courts and a twenty seat home theater, Pete told the lawyer that it was all his.
The lawyer was amazed and asked St Peter how come his house was so much nicer than what the plumber and doctor got.
"Well" St Peter said, "We get plumbers and doctors here all the time. But you are the first lawyer we've gotten in a couple of centuries."

Rod said...

I understood my Dad then; we joked about it for years; and I appreciate him for it even now after he's passed on: But when I was about 10-11 years old my dog had crossed the rural road and rolled himself very thoroughly in fresh, wet cow shit. I was up on the roof helping Dad put up a TV antenna when the dog climbed up the extension ladder, all proud of himself for coming up to help us. But the dog couldn't reverse back down the ladder. I wondered out-loud "How are we going to get him back down on the ground?" Without missing a beat Dad said: "He's YOUR dog, Son." Hauling that dog back down the ladder tucked under one arm was a character-building exercise. I remember like it was last week.

Pat Cummings said...

Newly arrived denizen of Heaven is shown the raucously riotous party that is the Greek heaven; the boistrous feast that is the Viking heaven; and the swaying clapping choirs in the Baptist heaven (with tables full of fried chicken and heavenly hash waiting for them to finish their service). On their way to the Moslem heaven to view the houris, the soul and his guide pass a 12-foot high stone wall, solid and soundproof. "What's over there?" the new soul asks, "Can I see that heaven?"

"Well, okay," is the guide's reluctant reply, and he produces a ladder from the bushes. The new resident climbs up and sees a crowd of solemn souls, walking aimlessly and silently around. He climbs down, and says, "They don't seem to be having fun like all the other heavens! Who are they?"

"Shh!" says his guide. "Not so loud! Those are the Catholics. They think they're the only ones here..."

Judi King said...

@NVRick: Good one!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@M. Mitchell Marmel- It's true!

@JC- Dang, I have no DOUBT that your comment is funny, but I don't get it.

@Bobo the Hobo- He was a tremendously funny and talented man. And odd, but in a good way (almost surely to be a line in my own obituary).

@Fish Out of Water- Dang, I have no idea what Judaism says about Hell!

@Fred Ciampi- Wait, you don't see the birds yet...? Give it another week.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Interesting, albeit confusing.

@TrickyRicky- This situation is bringing out the dictator in a number of governors. Which makes one think that the impulse was always there, but not the opportunity. And yes, my Dad was a tremendous influence on my sense of humor and much else. I'm almost a carbon copy.

@Colby, Jack- I'm starting to think that a number of us are already living in a drab, shadowy afterlife. I wonder if an asteroid took out the Earth a few months ago...?

@B.C.- On the other hand, if I got Joe Biden's genes I'd have foreign countries throwing money at me hand over fist.

@Studebaker Hauk- Burma Shave

@DougM- I'll have to look! My Dad created multiple punchlines for most of the illustrations, and I just culled my favorites to put into word balloons.

@revjen45- I don't remember not existing for a few days, but...would I?

@Linda Lee- Glad you enjoyed this, Linda! More than usual, I'm raiding my own archives for foolishness which will hopefully entertain folks and remind them that laughing is still okay!

@Rhapsody The Blue- It's all about perspective (grin). And yeah, what the hell is up with Nancy and her giant, expensive freezers of ice cream?! If there was justice in the world, the only flavor ice cream she could get in San Francisco would be "Ben & Jerry's Sidewalk Shit & Syringes."

@mikebritt- Ixnay on drinks using the ice from the icemaker!

@Colby Muenster- "Don't make waves," is pretty good advice for all of us about now.

@NVRick- Boom! Loving it.

@Rod- I wish more politicians lived by the truism you learned from your Dad!

@Pat Cummings- You're standing on wafer-thin ice... (see what I did there?)

@Judi King- The audience erupts in applause!

JC said...

Stilt - don't you know the song? Cotton Eyed Joe?