Monday, July 6, 2020


stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, staycation, vacation, week off
Want a print-worthy copy of this picture? Download it at this link!
We're taking the week off (unless even MORE crap somehow hits the fan) to enjoy the creature comforts of home and catch up on a backlog of chores that has gotten a little out of control. Not that we're deserting you entirely as the world descends into madness - the comments section will be open as usual and we'll be participating there as much as possible.

All is fine - we're just way overdue to catch our breath!


Hopefully you all downloaded your free copy of "Johnny Optimism - Volume Two: Laughter is Debased Medicine" over the weekend. If so (or even if not), we'll again mention that any and all reviews on Amazon will be extremely helpful in making sure that the book turns up in search listings (ie, harder for Amazon to bury). Also, please keep reviews "politics free" because Johnny has problems enough already.

Incidentally, during the book giveaway it reached the impressive #2 position in "medical fiction," being topped only by some goony romance book which has nothing to do with medicine. And really, does the world even need another romance book?! There are millions of them...but only two Johnny Optimism books! This is the sort of injustice that drove Papa Hemingway to home dentistry.


M. Mitchell Marmel said...

I thought it was DIY sinus clearing that Papa performed... ;D

My fave Hemingway story was his 'six word novel': "For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn."

In honor of this, here are a few of mine:

"Oh! AnalYsis. Sorry, Sis. I misheard."

Kirk’s smirk? Quirks work! Jerks irk!

“Can you cache a background Czech?”

Tulips, organwise, better than roses, pianowise.

Paper wait: Queuing with wrapped attention.

Citizen Kane: Hearst cranked to eleven.

In Soviet Russia, card draws YOU!

Form follows function; formal functions follow.

Gun mufflers: Because silence is golden.

Owl Creek Bridge: Leaves you hanging.

Brie Camembert said...

Enjoy the break, Doc. Easy on the Clan MacGregor though!

piraz34 said...

Mitchell Marmel takes the day with a Twilight Zone reference! Good Job!

mrgutzmer said...

We Love The Book!
We Did leave a review on Amazon!

Anonymous said...

It is certainly up to your/Johnnie's standard.
I was reading several to my wife and friends last evening and all agreed that you are demented. YES. Pleasantly so.

TrickyRicky said...

Enjoy your time off....even if there are tax forms involved.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Damn, those are funny. I'd play along, but it would break by Vow of Laziness.

@Brie Camembert- I'll go easy on the Clan MacGregor (especially since I'm dieting and calorie counting), though I'll admit I'm having a glass RIGHT NOW, just after noon. It's been that sort of day already.

@piraz34- One of the stranger episodes of TZ, and quite true to the short story of the same name.

@mrgutzmer- Thank you!

@Anonymous/CCC- I choose to take that as a compliment (grin).

@TrickyRicky- Thanks! Not all (or maybe any) of my chores will be fun, but I've got to get to them!

Anonymous said...

Love the picture of the guy drinking beer on the moon. We'd like to use it behind our bar. Can you please give us any info so we can perhaps locate a copy? Thanks!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous- The picture is in public domain and is 100 years old. I found it online, albeit black & white and not a very large size. I colorized it myself, and just now made you a larger version - cleaned up as much as I could - that will be suitable for printing. You can download it here. Enjoy!

John the Econ said...

Just got back from our extended 4th of July weekend at the lake. I won't say this as science, but it was my impression that almost all cabins on the lake displayed American flags, and roughly a third had Trump flags or banners proudly displayed as well. The same went for boats on the lake.

I have yet to see a Biden flag or sign outside of the university district of town.

Needless to say, I don't think Biden will be carrying my state. People here are more into independence than dependence.

Have a great week. I plan to.

REM1875 said...

Enjoy the Staycation Stilt ....we'll do our best to "carry on".......

JustaJeepGuy said...

I tried to have a quiet Independence Day, but someone was setting off some serious ordnance all around my neighborhood pretty much all day Saturday. It didn't bother me though. It was the sound of freedom. Kinda like all the fireworks that I read about all over Los Angeles, even though they were supposed to be banned. Imagine that!

JustaJeepGuy said...

On another note, I saw a video done by an emergency room doctor who said that the idea of "social distancing" came from some kid's science fair project. That says way too much about how things are done these days.

Dan said...

@JustaJeepGuy -- and didn't the plastic straw thing come from kid's project, too?

Don Schaaf said...

I tried to download it, for free, never was able to figure out where it went. Got a message from Amazon saying it is in the "library", wherever/whatever that is.


Don Schaaf

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Don Schaaf- It sounds to me like you need to install a Kindle Reader app on your phone, tablet, or computer (or all three). You can download one here from Amazon. Once you've done that, you should be able to access things in your library using the app. Alternately, you can go to your Amazon page and under your name it will say "Accounts and Lists." Hover your cursor over that for more choices, then go to "Your Content and Devices." That should allow you to find my book in your library, and you can tell Amazon to send it electronically to the device of your choice. Hope this helps!

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

At age 93, Tony Bennett still gots it. :D

Colby Muenster said...

Anybody wanna start a pool on how many days Ghislaine Maxwell goes in a New York jail before committing suicide?

In other news, Terry Crews seems to have escaped the plantation, but Don Lemon is there to straighten him out. I'd give my left nut (hell, BOTH nuts) to watch a boxing match between those two.

And yet another subject: Please join me it telling the NFL to shove it. I've been an avid Bronco fan since the mid 70's, but I'll gladly give it up to send those woke bastards a message. I just cancelled my NFL Sunday Ticket before the a-holes have a chance to start billing me.


Hope you are having a productive and enjoyable week! No need to respond, and thanks for all you do!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Colby Muenster (and all)- Actually, I'm having the OPPOSITE of a productive and enjoyable week. Mrs. J threw her back out badly and needs to keep the area iced to reduce pain. Which is why it's so friggin' hilarious that our refrigerator/freezer chose this moment to go south on us (not all the way dead - just bad enough to take about 12 hours to make ice cubes that still have bubbles migrating inside like a carpenter's level). So I'm doing all the domestic chores, tending to Mrs. J, trying to fix a refrigerator, and hoping to finally find enough time to do my taxes.

I must have been a complete asshole in a previous life (wry grin).

Fish Out of Water said...

Now this is effing scary

Don Schaaf said...

Stilton Jarlsberg

Thank you for taking the time to answer my question/problem in retrieving the "Johnny Optimism" book from Amazon. I appreciate it. I don't have a clue where the "library" is but, I will follow you directions and hope for the best. Although it is no excuse, I am 83 years old and struggling with this whole computer concept.

Thanks again,


JustaJeepGuy said...


I hadn't seen that the plastic straw thing came from a kid's science fair project, but it seems as though there are an awful lot of Demo_Rat policies that come from that kind of source. Whatever happened to the adults in that party????

Anonymous said...

Not nearly as artistic, but we were going through some old family photos (deciding what we could toss without invoking curses from relatives sitting back and letting us do all the work). My wife found one of her father and some of his friends standing around by his car, each in the process of consuming a bottle of beer. She commented that they should have had a designated driver. I did some quick calculations (higher math: subtracting two-digit numbers without pencil and paper or a calculator) and observed that it would be 3 more years until prohibition was repealed. They should have had a designated driver who could out-run Eliot Ness.