Wednesday, November 18, 2020

Distaff Meeting

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We've seen multiple articles suggesting that the recent election "results" are most attributable to women, which is surprising because we didn't know that the coded algorithms in voting machines can have periods.

Still, it seemed only right to bring our female contributors to the fore today because, frankly, we could watch the two of them debate all day. Or perhaps for the next four years.


stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, obama, a promised land, book, biden

In his thuddingly ponderous new book, "A Promised Land," Barack Obama answers one of the great burning questions associated with his legacy: why the hell he picked a whackjob political hack like Joe Biden for the vice presidential slot?

"One of the reasons I'd chosen Joe to act as an intermediary," says B. Hussein, "was my awareness that in McConnell's mind, negotiations with the vice president didn't inflame the Republican base in quite the same way that any appearance of cooperation with (Black, Muslim socialist) Obama was bound to do."

Granted, he's inserted parentheses to make it clear that these were what he thought people's perceptions were - although it gets a bit confusing why he's apparently denying being a Muslim socialist and Black.

But getting back to Joe Biden, Obama was somewhat concerned that Gropin' Joe's "lack of a filter periodically got him in trouble," and that he would "share whatever popped into his head." But these drawbacks were overlooked because Biden was "decent, honest, and loyal" and presumably could also fetch, roll over, and play dead (traditionally a vice president's biggest responsibility).

The former president also made clear that Joe Biden repeatedly opposed the raid which killed Osama bin Laden, but finally gave Mr. Obama the advice to "follow your instincts," which firmly established that the vice president was a man with an unflinching gift for plausible deniability.

Which brings us to this blast from the past...

In the wake of Osama bin Laden's widely reported (if little seen) death, information has been released stating that the terrorist leader felt there was no real point in killing vice president Joe Biden because of his unimportance

Hope n' Change
 feels compelled to come to Mr. Biden's defense. Obviously he's important, or he wouldn't have had access to the top secret information that the raid in Pakistan was carried out by Seal Team Six...information that he then revealed to the world (and to terrorists eager to seek revenge) despite having agreed not to share any operational details of the mission. Oops! So widespread is Mr. Biden's gaffe that the Walt Disney company has just trademarked the name "Seal Team Six" for commercial exploitation, which rather underscores the Mickey Mouse nature of the vice president's policy on secrecy.

Fortunately for Mr. Biden, the news media hasn't focused much on his "not worth killing" status because of something far more important discovered in Osama bin Laden's lair. Pornography! Apparently there was plenty of it, though currently there are no plans to show it to the public.

According to Barack Obama, the material which he has personally reviewed is "very graphic" and "should not be treated as a trophy" and will only be shared with the president's closest friends and advisors and, perhaps, Charlie Sheen. -Unless Biden gets his hands on which case "72 Virgins Gone Wild" and "Camel Humps" will be found on his Facebook page. 


Dan said...

C'mon, man. We know why Obama chose Biden as VP. Life insurance. No one would want to off Obama knowing that Biden would take the reins.
Of course Biden doesn't have to worry about any Harris plotting.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Dan: Actually, a "poison pill" VPOTUS has been the rule for decades now, with Mike Pence being the rare exception of late.

REM1875 said...

Poor brainless Lefty Lucy thinks a Homophone was the nicer version of the obongo free phone given to a 'special' group the demonRatz think they own ........

bocopro said...

For the record, I see Lucy as a total turn-on. Like . . . she's not spectacularly beautimous or anything, but a rare collection of traits and features which combine to present an alluring little gemstone -- the eyes, the hair, the teeth, the lips, the vibrantly active face.

It's like a young Sophia Loren -- not truly beautiful in the classic sense, but captivating in the total effect. Always look forward to Lucy's Gracie Allen-like contributions. I'd also like to give her a bath.

TrickyRicky said...

Great juxtaposition today. Both have looks, only one has a functioning mind. How apropos.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Dan- I agree that Biden provided a degree of life insurance for Barry, but I also think Joe was added to the ticket just so there would be an old white guy with alleged "experience" to counterbalance the community organizer who had never accomplished diddly-squat.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- When it comes to poison pills, only Kamala Harris could make me wish Biden a long and healthy run in the Oval Office.

@REM1875- Does the homophone come with a gaydar app? Asking for a friend.

@bocopro- Lucy strikes me as cute, fun, and - for now, at least - dumb. But hers is the ignorance of youth and misinformation. I like to think that in the future, she'll wise up and be embarrassed by her earlier naivete. And if not, well, bathtime could still be fun.

@TrickyRicky- I really enjoy the dynamic between Busty and Lucy. I'll have to invite them to do this more often!

Erik said...

@TrickyRicky, @bocopro
It's the functioning mind that makes the difference.

Many (many) years ago, when I was in college, I had
a summer job at the hospital where my mother worked.
Patient televisions and phones were handled by an
independent company. My job was to collect cash
from patients that wanted those services.

The years have clouded the exact details, but the
following is the gist of an experience I once had.

I was in the room of an elderly woman when a young
hottie came in. She said, in an artificially friendly,
very loud tone of voice: "GOOD MORNING MRS. (SMITH).
Mrs. (Smith): "Fine."
Mrs. (Smith): "No, thank you."
Mrs. (Smith): "Fine."

Hottie left the room and continued the routine with the
rest of the patients up the hallway. I looked at
Mrs. (Smith), who had piercing, grey, intelligent eyes,
and in a normal tone of voice I said: "Do you have
a hearing impairment?" Mrs. (Smith) said: "No."

Mrs. (Smith) gave me some money each day so that I could
go get her a newspaper from the vending machines on the
first floor. I enjoyed talking with Mrs. (Smith). Any
attraction I might have had for Hottie was gone as soon
as she opened her mouth.

So, for me, Lefty Lucy is pretty much just good for
laughing at. Although, now that I think about it, I suppose
her gender and cuteness helps a little. I would rather be
laughing at Lefty Lucy than Lefty Larry.

Sortahwitte said...

I would vote for giving Lucy a bath, but I don't know what that means.
Never mind. I remember.

Erik said...

@Stilton Jarlsberg
It took me so long to type my previous entry that
your entry got in before mine, so I didn't see it.

I am really touched by the sweet attitude you
have regarding Lefty Lucy. Holding out hope
that she will have her own #WalkAway moment is
a really nice outlook to have, and it has
softened my own attitude towards her.

bocopro said...

Aahhh . . . reciprocal bathing -- luciously recalled.

Milady is Pinay, and we spent many years in the R.P.I. sans A/C . . . back when we were flat-bellied, limber-backed, and immortal. On those sultry, sweaty nights during the sweltering season, few things were more refreshing than bathing, especially after activities which exacerbated the sweatiness.

Today, however, she says that at "our ages" (I'm 80; she's 82) we're too old for that sort of thing. Alas, quelle domage, and que pena. Ahh, to be young and sweaty again with plenty of soap, water, Sangria, and sharp cheddar . . . and a nice Robert Burns Black Watch for those moments of savory reflection while she does those things they do once the session has ended.

John the Econ said...

Election Results: What you don't see a lot written about in mainstream media is the record number of votes that Trump received from non-whites. So if Trump is legitimately a failure at anyhing, it's for being this supposed "white supremacist leader" that was supposed to drive us back to 1619.

Obama Choose Biden?: I doubt that. Biden was chosen by the party as "adult supervision" for the Obama Administration, which was mostly populated by academics and people with minimal experience in the real world. That the party saw (and still sees) Biden as the adult in the room tells you all you need to know about the Democratic Party.

Rod said...

I find it interesting Biden is now upset that Trump won't share his COVID19 plan. Hey Joe: We were told you already had a better one. I guess you'll have to find another to plagiarize. And since Trump's has been a good one in covering HIS constitutional responsibilities while the states and the people have not... You sir; are already in deep shit.

Bobo said...

I have a three person whirlpool hot tub filled and ready to go if Ms Ross and Lucy are lacking any Thanksgiving dinner invitations.

Colby Muenster said...

It just hit me. Twice now, Creepy Joe has been used as a shiny object to distract from a black socialist who wields the real power. The first time, he was allowed just enough public visibility to give O'Liar some sort of legitimacy, but not enough to reveal the total buffoon he really was. This time, he's the cardboard cutout placed in front of the person who will be working to change us into a socialist utopia. You know, like Venezuela.

I do wonder, though, has Joe already been given his marching orders? Is he already aware that he will have zero influence on policy from the get go? Has someone like Pelosi already explained to him that he will be getting removed from office, likely before summer? Have the powers already picked Kamala's replacement? Will they go total lefty, or try to placate the moderates?

Joe hasn't had an original thought in 50 years, if ever. If I were Donald Trump, I'd be feeding Joe incredible amounts of total BS.

Anonymous said...

Smokin' Joe is lucky........if he rolled over, shook hands, or played dead ol'Obozo would have ate him. Speaking of eating, I've got room for two more guests at Thanksgiving. How 'bout it, girls ??!!

Jess said...

Obama can say what he wants. Joe's only job was as a buffer to prevent any attempts of assassination...... I know, the irony of Joe's present situation is overwhelming.

KanB said...

So Slo Joe worked a personal deal with China and China sent him and his family a great deal of money for undisclosed favors. Next China sent Joe an issue which he successfully rode like a race horse right into the presidency. Seems like old Joe is mighty beholden to his old Chinese buddies.

Pete (Detroit) said...

Somehow, I've always thought Lucy looked highly spankable.
In the Castle Anthrax sense.
After, a bath, sounds VERY nice...
"Imagine how nice a woman who BATHES would be"
/Butler, "Arthur"...

Mike Porter said...

The only reason Biden was selected for the vice position was to make Obama ‘assassination-proof’… even a lunatic would realize the peril of that idiot in the top dog position.

Regnad Kcin said...

Only two good things ever came out of Italy... and Sophia Loren had both of them.....

Brie Camembert said...

@Colby Muenster - I doubt if Slo Joe has any idea what is going on or what will happen to him. I reckon he thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread, and has no idea that he a merely a placeholder for Kamel toe. C'mon, man. I won didn't I?

A propos the other guy. I reckon he is royaly screwed and should just concentrate on securing the two senate places for the GOP. Why do I think he has no chance? For the same reason the following are still free - Obamas, Clintons, Susan Rice, Eric Holder, Comey/McCabe/Strzok and so on ad nauseam.

Rod said...

@Regnad Kcin: I'd add a few real old timers; there are several along the lines Michelangelo, Galileo, etc. But in more recent times you made your points.

Aesop said...

Lawyers at Mauschwitz will be dismayed to find out that they cannot trademark the name of a military unit.

More importantly, the Navy is liable to send several web-footed minions to call on said legal geniusii, to "make them an offer they can't refuse".

Whatever dumb@$$ corporate shyster thought they could trademark a military unit without being the frickin' Pentagon should be staked out in the noon sun until lobster red, then beaten on the back with a dry swim fin until suitable repentant.

Televised live.

If Disney Plus carried that, they might finally crack a profit.
It's not like they'll be opening their theme parks worldwide anytime soon...

Regnad Kcin said...

@Rod : Here's a few more from days gone bye : Barbara Eden...Ava Gardner...Jill St. John...Mitzi Gaynor...Jacqueline Bisset...Ann Sheridan...Rita Hayworth...Catherine DeNeuve... Elke Sommer...Janet Leigh. I could go on but my blood pressure meds are wearing off...