Monday, November 2, 2020

Rube-y Tuesday?

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, make america suck, biden, sucking fingers, harris, trump, election day, daylight saving time

Thanks to the miracle of Daylight Saving Time, we recently gained yet another hour of unwanted suspense leading up to Election Day. On the plus side, many Democrats now believe that because of the time change, Tuesday won't happen until Wednesday this week. An idea which we should reinforce as much as possible.

Approximately 92 million early votes have already been cast - a number which will surely skyrocket on Tuesday when the living are allowed to vote.

Here at Stilton's Place, we have no freaking idea which way this thing is going to go. According to the media and pollsters, Trump is going to get his orange hiney kicked. On the other hand, the media and pollsters are despicable liars, about whom maggots tell jokes trying to gross out their friends. Others believe that Trump will win in a blowout based on the fact that God, in His infinite wisdom, is using the President as a tool to achieve things in "mysterious ways." Occasionally bordering on downright baffling.

Whichever way the election goes, it's critical to make preparations now for the aftermath. For one thing, you should lay in a supply of food, water, medicines, and toilet paper in case a Trump victory triggers a wave of commerce-disrupting violent riots in the streets. Of course, you should also lay in a supply of all those things in case Trump loses, because they sure as hell won't be on store shelves once the commerce-disrupting socialists take over.

This is also potentially a good time to stock up on American flags with "only" 50 stars in case of a Democrat victory. These will not only be valuable collector's items, but they'll also be a handy way to identify your home as not belonging to an asshole.

Finally, it's likely that the acrimony between friends and family members will only increase once the election is finalized. To help bring us all together again, we suggest that you plan to send a peace-making gift to those people you've disagreed with. If Trump wins, we suggest you send a tasteful bouquet with a gift card that says "Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" as many times as possible. If Trump loses, just send the liberals on your list a lovely handbasket and a map which smells of brimstone.


Mike aka Proof said...

I think the number one indicator of who is going to win Tuesday is the preparations going on in case Joe and Kamala lose. Businesses in Democrat run cities are boarding up their storefronts as if they are pretty positive that things will go badly for the Antifa/BLM's candidate.
I'll take "Boarded up storefronts" for the win, Alec.

Valvenator said...

D.J. Trump and M.R. Pence vs. Old Baggage Joe and Kameltoe

I'll be saying a lot of prayers come Tuesday night.
Honestly Hairass scares me more than Joe....
maybe even more than the Hildebeast itself

Geoff King said...

Although Arizona is considered a battleground state, where I live in the northern portion we are quite solidly red. The Phoenix area is blue, but with all the driveby shootings that naturally occur down there, any post election violence will be unnoticable.
The only area near me that traditionally votes blue is the Navajo Rez. Native Americans, for some unknown reason, believe the democrats actually give a damn about them. However, Navajos tend to be some of the most peaceful peopld I know, so no mayhem should come from them if the election does not go their way.
I do plan on putting in a good supply of food in the next 24 hours, and already have a good supply of lead just in case.

Geoff King said...

BTW, once again I was very happy to wake up yesterday morning and not have to reset a single clock.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Well, I still think it's an hour later than the clock says, so I'm going to sleep.

Good old time changes: All the fun of jetlag without any of the traveling.

Jim Irre said...

TRUMP 2020! Go vote!

Bobo the Hobo said...

I’m with Valvenator in that Heels Up Harris scares me more than Hillary! That said, my nickel is still on Donald Trump, simply for all of the early votes cast here in Florida; whoever wins, this election will have generated the highest participation rate in a long time.

Jack said...

Now that we're almost concluded, I would like to see your popularity to ask my question for me;

Dear Democrat,
You still haven’t answered the question; Do you or do you not condone the murders, violence, vandalism and racism of the modern Democratic Party? I will publish your answer or the lack of it.
John H. (Jack) Wiegman
My latest book; Extremists In Our Midst

I have sent this to hundreds of Democrat Websites and have received no answer.

Rod said...

Benjamin's idea always being confusing to me; my wife has helped me with this time change:
Two clocks: One still on DST which my body still thinks is right; and one set on StdT; which is the real time, but which the body thinks is fake. Check when the Sun is closest to Zenith at Noon. THAT's the confusion.

All this bullshit should be easier to handle in Spring when that's reversed and the change is TO the fake. At least we got two days before this screwy election. Does this confuse you? Well: if one is confused by the time change; then further confused again: Aren't they cured?

gpadwds said...

Saw a meme yesterday that getting an extra hour of 2020 is like getting a bonus track on a Yono Oko album. Bet one yet.

gpadwds said...

Should have been Yoko Ono.

Rod said...

@gpadwds: Remember it's 2020. Seems like you got it right the first time. Good one!

Alfonso Bedoya said...

I'm so fed up with the entire mess that I think I'll change the oil in my old truck. It's real therapy, and far better than washing down a diazepam or two with a glass (or two) of cognac, and it gets my mind in a safe place, away from November 3. Wait....I changed the oil in my old truck yesterday.

George said...


ROFL! Thank you x 1,000

That's hysterical.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@gpadwds: You win the comments. Bravissimo! Am sharing that one widely.

TrickyRicky said...

Don't be a commie
Vote for Donnie

That is all

John the Econ said...

The meme that generated the biggest laugh for me last week went: Turning back the clocks and adding an hour to 2020 is like getting a bonus track on a Yoko Ono album.\

An aside: If you have ever wondered what sex with Yoko Ono was like, you don't have to anymore.

Make America 2008 Again? Or perhaps 1820 Again?: What is all the chaos that has been taking place this year really about? How about the fact that Progressivism has been an abject failure? It's all a distraction from the fact that Trump was a massive speed bump that exposed the economic failure and corruption that is SOP in government.

I'm being cautiously optimistic, for several reasons. For one thing, you have to break a sweat walking from one Biden sign to another in my part of the country, even in the university district. There is but a small percentage of Biden signs compared to Hillary signs 4 years ago. And you know where you'd expect to see them because they are conspicuously missing from the sign farms for every other Democrat running for state or congressional office out. (On a neighborhood news group, I learned that the local Democrat HQ didn't even bother stocking any) The same people who said that Hillary had a lock 4 years ago today say Biden has it, albeit by an even slimmer margin.

Second, Biden and Harris have nothing more of substance to appeal to flyover country than Hillary did. In fact, Biden unwittingly doubled-down on "deplorable" with "chumps". Very few skilled fossil fuel workers making over $100,000 are interested in making half that installing insulation as part of a Green New Steal.

Third, Trump has unprecedented support among the black and Hispanic voters that the Democrats have assumed a lock on for perpetuity. These defecting Democrats haven't forgotten how much better life was like 12 months ago versus 4 years ago after a better part of a decade of Obama, where only the 1%er crowd did well while the Democrats offered Obamaphones to the less fortunate. Meanwhile, the Democrats have been working to buy off the middle class while simultaneously making life for the middle class impossible.

John the Econ said...

As for what will happen after Tuesday: Anyone's guess. Mrs. Econ works in the "disaster recovery" field, and many of her colleagues are freaked. And for those who live in certain urban centers, they probably should be. There will no doubt be representatives of the party of "peace and tolerance" who will not be acting peacefully or tolerably should Trump win. One of her local colleagues was freaked about a SPLC (Southern Poverty Law Center) report about all of the "far-right militia" groups who are about to take over. Now mind you, the SPLC has for years been focused on the supposed white supremacy and militia threat while totally ignoring the actual violence and terrorism being conducted by the likes of BLM, Antifa and other Marxist and anarchist groups. In other words, while many cities were literally burning, citizens being terrorized, or have otherwise been totally taken over by various left-wing groups, the SPLC points its finger into the ether and proclaims "The white supremacists are taking over". It's an amazing gaslight op, and people have been buying it.

We're lucky in that we expect nothing to happen in our town, ironically because we have militia-types around. In the wake of the George Floyd protests, an out-of-state group that nobody knew anything about announced their intention to "organize a protest" in addition to the non-violent ones that were already underway by the college kids. Upon catching wind of this, our local "open carry" advocates showed up to protect downtown. Instead of the violent clash many were hoping for, they actually joined the peaceful protests and nothing untoward happened. The outside group abandoned their plans, because the last thing they were interested was having to face people they knew were prepared and willing to shoot them. Riots are only fun if you know you will emerge from them alive.

The vast majority of the troublemakers engage in their terrorism because they know they can with low-to-no risk of personal consequence. In most Progressive towns, they know that even if they are arrested they will likely be released with charges dropped by Progressive prosecutors who have basically abandoned their oaths for enforcing the law. If they are held, many can count on wealthy Progressive celebrities or others to bail them out. They are spoiled, indulged children who will not grow up until forced to.

And isn't that what the Democrats have been selling for generations now? The ability to remain a dependent child indefinitely?

Sortahwitte said...

@ John the E. My town, also, will be on alert the rest of the week and beyond for those of small minds and small crotchetarial parts. I have chosen my hammer of the week and the nails that go with it. I pray that a carpentry party doesn't break out, but let the hatchet fall where it may.
Vote early and often. They certainly will.

Keevin said...

This election is not about Republicans vs. Democrats. It's about good vs. evil, and Capitalism vs. communism. I never thought, in my 75 years on this planet, that I would see our once great country sink to the state in which it now wallows. Even if Trump (PLEASE, GOD!!) wins, that still may mean that close to half of the voters went for the Harris/Biden ticket, which is scary, to put it mildly! My fondest wish is that if the leftists riot after Trump's landslide victory, he will pull out all the stops and send in federal troops to squash them. Anyone with a Molotov cocktail in their hand should be shot, period. And not with rubber bullets.

bill wald said...

Can't go wrong by stocking up on cheap booze. In an emergency, one needs quantity, not quality.

L.C.Clower said...

Falling back an hour to Standard Time in 2020 if like getting a bonus track on a Yoko Ono album.

Murphy(AZ) said...

What I want to see: Trump wins overwhelmingly, everyone on both sides agree it was fun while it lasted, and everyone goes home to lead peaceful and profitable lives.

What I'll probably see: cities will continue to burn and weenies will continue to whine.

What I might see if there is a God: folks like me will decide on Tuesday night that there's been enough of this shit, and we take matters into our own, very fed up, hands.

However things turn out, don't think you're going to burn or break things in my town and get away with it.

Lump the Chump said...

I fly an old 48 star flag 24/7 in my picture window to show I'm not an a-hole. Go PDT !!

Shelly said...

I don't know why for sure, but my gut is telling me the American patriots are going to rise up tomorrow and let our smug, elite overlords know who really is the boss.

Alfonso Bedoya said...

@gpadwds: I infrequently happen to enjoy impersonating Yoko, although my wife has threatened divorce if I do it again. At least it's easier than trying to impersonate John Lennon.

I'm getting bored again; maybe time for another oil change, or reloading another 100 rounds of ammo for my AR in anticipation of an invasion by BLM in our neighborhood. Sure is easier than nailing up plywood over our windows...more fun, too. MAGA. Out!

REM1875 said...

The B's .... Beans, band-aides, bullets oohhh and the really important one we did not mention in military training and to some the most important one - BOOZE .......
Invest in precious metals - copper and lead .......

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Mike aka Proof- I think it's funny that the media is reporting that the majority of people expect violence after the election results, but few are saying "exclusively from the Left." They'll riot no matter what happens. But presumably not in well-armed communities...

@Valvenator- Kamala is my biggest fear, and that's saying something. She was so radical, strident, and mean-spirited that she was the first presidential contender bounced by the Democrats...who she subsequently accused of racism. She would be a nightmare as president.

@Geoff King- My larder is pretty well stocked for whatever happens. I doubled up my usual order of Clan MacGregor (grin). As far as Daylight Saving Time goes, I envy you - it's an ongoing disaster for my internal clock.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- "You get an extra hour of sleep!" people say. Well no - now I'm getting up at my usual time (an hour earlier than what the clock says) and then having a complete physical crash when it turns pitch black at 6pm. I HATE THIS!

@Jim Irre- Wait, what?! Is that THIS year?!

@Bobo the Hobo- Yeah, we're going to see election turnout like never before. Which I'd find to be a good thing if I didn't have such a low opinion of humanity (grin).

@Jack- I've heard not a single Democrat sincerely criticize the violence in the streets (or on college campuses for that matter, when conservative speakers are physically attacked). They not only condone the violence, they encourage it. God help us if that attitude infects the Oval Office.

@Rod- Ben Franklin was a well known prankster and lover of beer. I think he proposed Daylight Saving Time as a joke which just got funnier for him as time went on.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@gpadwds- Excellent!

@Alfonso Bedoya- Wait, you've got diazepam and cognac?! I want to ride this out at YOUR place!

@George- I agree!

@M. Mitchell Marmel- Maybe this is Yoko's "Instant Karma" moment...

@TrickyRicky- Burma Shave!

@John the Econ- I'm sitting here slack-jawed after watching the Yoko video. What the HELL was John Lennon thinking?

All of your other remarks are informative and on point - as usual!

@Sortahwitte- After a lot of foot-dragging, I finally bought a hammer and nails this week. Just in case there's a sudden barn-raising or something after the election...

@Keevin- I echo your thoughts and concerns. What we're NOT going to have after the election is a united country. The enmity will be turned up to 11, and I don't know how we can unwind this mess. I rarely quote Rodney King but "can't we all just get along?"

@bill wald- Clan MacGregor can be used to cleanse open wounds. Bonus: blood doesn't really hurt the flavor all that much!

@L.C.Clower- That's clearly the most popular meme currently on the Internet!

@Murphy(AZ)- I'd love to see people calm the f*** down, but I don't see it happening. And I agree that we've reached the point where there should be significant disincentives for violent rioters.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Lump the Chump- Yeah, SCREW Hawaii and Alaska! No, wait, I kind of like Alaska.

@Shelly- I sure hope your gut is right! (My gut, on the other hand, is growing because I'm eating leftover Halloween candy out of stress!)

@Alfonso Bedoya- Nailing plywood over the windows is a terrible idea - it makes it hard to aim!

@REM1875- Yep!

Anonymous said...

I have been known in the past to have made posters noting separate days of voting for Republicans and Democrats.
Don't know if any of them actually worked, though.

JustaJeepGuy said...

I wonder how the polls can claim Gropey Joe is ahead when President Trump draws crowds 1,000-to-1 the size of Joe's.

I wonder how the Demo_Rats think Kamalatoe will be such a great president when she dropped out of the primaries early after getting <2% of the Demo_Rat votes.

I wonder how long Gropey Joe thinks he will be president if the Demo_Rats manage to steal the election. Nanski Peloski will have him 25th-ed within a couple weeks if he makes it through the inauguration.

I wonder if Kamalatoe thinks she will actually be the president after she and Nanski push Gropey Joe out. I think George Soros will have something to say about it.

I wonder how many BLM-Antifa-Demo_Rats will learn the hard way not to Burn-Loot-Murder their cities and fellow citizens on Nov. 4...

Anonymous said...

"Finally, it's likely that the acrimony between friends and family members will only increase once the election is finalized." Not to mention coworkers on the job. Our office is divided politically, about 50/50. One Biden supporter is pretty loud, but he was made that way straight from the box. PITA he is, but he is very useful so he is kept around. Sure does need a muzzle though, lol.

We'll get through it fine. I think most of us voted already to avoid today's line.

Fish Out of Water said...

Pretty obvious who I'll be voting for. A futile gesture in this solidly indigo precinct I am stuck in but...

As for Joe Biden. Unlike the vile, amoral, most unworthy, most unfit and most unqualified POTUS candidate since Henry Wallace, or the worst electoral mistake since the peanut farmer from Plains, Ga, he does not engender a sharp rise in blood pressure, bile rising rapidly into the mouth or the hard clenching of teeth and fists. But unlike the President, he is not his own man. Joe Biden is in a way a horse put together by a committee, the democratic party machine to be more specific. Analogies to why Warren Harding was chosen to run for President come to mind when I think of him. If Joe Biden is elected as President, this country will be looking at a reprise of the spineless, globalist, economy-job killing administration of the worst electoral mistake since the peanut farmer from Plains, Ga. Which won't be good for my IRA which has doubled in value since the worst electoral mistake since the peanut farmer from Plains, Ga left office.

Elbarto said...

In 2016 I had to hold my nose while voting for Trump; in 2020 I enthusiastically gave Trump my vote.

John the Econ said...

Well, I just dropped off our ballots at the county fairgrounds. No wait at all. Word has it that over 2/3rds of the voters in my state have already cast their ballots. I could have dropped them off sooner, but I was holding out to see if any Democrats were going to take my offer of a $833,333-a-month no-show job for my vote. (The price went up from $50,000-a-month after I got a glimpse of what was on Hunter's laptop, but I was willing to forego the plush staffed offices all over the country that would do nothing of substance, strippers and crack) Unfortunately, no offers were forthcoming.

My only question now is that if Biden wins, how many months before the Democrats start impeachment proceedings against him.

On social media, I've seen posts by friends in more urban settings describing their cities being boarded up just like turd-world countries.

@Murphy(AZ), that's my prayer as well. Unfortunately, for too many people there is now profit in leading non-productive lives. As @Stilton pointed out above, would it be nice if as Rodney King famously said, "can't we all just get along?" Again, unfortunately it's become economically viable for people to live whole lives not getting along.

Yoko: All I can imagine @Stilton is that she must have been awesome in bed, because I can't imagine anything else that she could offer that would have made having her around the least bit palatable.

So buckle up, friends. It's likely to be a bumpy night. This time 4 years ago, I was prepared to wake up on Wednesday morning to start planning my early retirement as the anticipated lower income, higher taxes, and free health care would soon make continuing to work full time largely pointless. Surprisingly, there was no need. At least up until March of this year, the last 4 have been great, and far more fun than the preceding decade. I'd like at least another 8 or 12 more before I have to seriously consider retirement again.

Linda Lee said...

There is so much support for Trump out in the open, and that is perhaps just the tip of the iceberg, because so many people know they can't express their support without suffering some kind of retribution: job loss, financial in other ways, vandalism, physical violence, social, etc. So they keep quiet, but they vote - as do those of us who are upfront and open about it.

The only question is - how many illegitimate votes can the Dems produce and how many Trump ballots can they destroy?

Colby Muenster said...

Not sure what to make of it, but... Every election day, I go to the small polling place on the way to work at 6:30 AM. I'm usually the only voter, or last time there was another old geezer ahead of me. This year? Ho Lee Chit! The place was packed at 6 friggin 30 in the AM.

A strange observation to add to this. My polling place is in a mostly black church in a mostly black neighborhood, but there were only white people voting (??). This is just an observation, mind you, not a racist statement. Did all the folks of color stay home? Did they already vote early? Maybe they don't want their neighbors seeing them vote for Trump?! I hope that's it.

I'm going to try and talk Mrs. Muenster into watching a movie or something tonight. I don't think I can bear to watch the so called election coverage. In 2016, I gave up at about 1 AM, and went to bed wondering and fretting. I fear this year is going to be exponentially worse, but then again, we could all get pleasantly surprised twice! I still have a fantasy about that 49 red states map from the Reagan years.

Anonymous said...

I probably should have posted this Friday when it happened, but
I didn't "get around to it".

Anyway, I was picking up my dinner from my preferred Thai restaurant.
The owner and I were chatting, and he mentioned that he voted against
Bush Jr. during those years, and for Obama during those years. He said
he didn't make it to the polls in time to vote for Hillary four years
ago. I was politely listening but internally getting a little sad.
It isn't unexpected, though, since I live in Rhode Island.

Then he tells me that this year he is voting for Trump!

I hope he made it to the polls.

Anonymous said...

I just picked up my dinner.

Nope, he didn't make it.

Wahoo said...

Looks like whoever cuts Basement Joe's hair uses the rusty razor that Corn Pop keeps in a rain barrel.