Today has the makings of being an interesting day. Because today is when the Jarlsberg home will be visited by filmmaking strangers (wearing masks, thank you) to shoot me for that semi-mysterious documentary I've mentioned here a few times.
By pure chance, today is ALSO the 30th anniversary of an event that is the core of the documentary - an event in which I played a major role. So I told the documentary folks that we could share a toast to the occasion (an old friend once told me "caring means sharing"), and I'll be damned if I'm pouring Inver House, "The Scotch The Clan MacGregor Scrapes Off Its Shoe," for people who've flown hundreds of miles for my convenience (and charming personality and propensity for making libelous remarks).
No, it seemed like a 30-year old Scotch was called for. And let me tell you, friends, Scotch that old gets expensive really fast. You can pick up a nice bottle of Glenfiddich for $900, a tasty Balvenie for $2000, or a lip-smacking Macallan Fine Oak 30 for a trifling $7,600.
Obviously, I didn't buy any of those things. Rather, I found the cheapest 30-year old Scotch within driving distance and, after watching an assessment on the Youtube "Half-Assed Scotch Review" channel that declared it really tasty, I bought a bottle to share with the documentarians.
At about $200, I guess it's a steal - though it's a bit painful to think about the fact that the same money could have kept me in Clan MacGregor for a year or more. Still, 30th anniversaries only come around so often, and if the cameras happen to be rolling I can look like a big spender.
Which would technically be a big media lie, but hardly the first one.
45 comments:
I hope that the staff and their entourage depart with their tastebuds dancing, and that they recount their visit, years from now, by remembering the time they spent with a connoisseur of fine Scotch, a raconteur of the first water, a host of the primo class, and a man who made them feel the warmth and hospitality seldom experienced in this world today. Or, barring that, they would at least say "Yeah, the Scotch serving guy was cool but wasn't that the time Phyllis sank the heel of her Prada shoe into that steaming pile of dog shyte by the curb as we left? Wow, the stench on the ride back to the airport made Ernie puke on his loafers, har har har!!!"
Love you, my friend, prayers for you always.
Those media people will drink shellac if you thin it right.
But when you average the cost of that bottle over thirty years...
@ $7,600 a bottle, I can tell you why malt is still single! (ba-dum-dum!)
Hmmm... what could have happened 30 years ago that would be worth memorializing with a documentary film? I can't think of anything. Knowing how long it can take to put a film together and get it out for viewers to see, we may not know for a few years. By that time I will have forgotten everything about it. C'mon, @Stilt, we need a hint!
*JustaJeepGuy- Well, the headlines from a Boston newspaper of that date offer the following clues -"Joe Biden Announces Candidacy In Senate Race for Ottawa Canada; Fidel Castro Joins Chippendale Dancer Auditions in New York City; Nobel Peace Prize Nomination Offered Posthumously For Mao Tse Tung; and Don Rickles Named U.S. Ambassador To Dubai,Announces Andrew Dice Clay as Personal Assistant" That was all I could find.
"Rimshot!"
Speaking as an "ever-recovering reporter," "I resemble that remark."
30 years ago? Does it have anything to do with a lone barrel of single malt set aside because HRH (retired) Prince Andrew did something on top of it with Koo Stark and they still haven't found her knickers?
May your interview convert Leftist to sanity.
And the good liquor lead to a higher state of mind.
Masks?
@Julian, i’, still loling.
$7,600... I've bought brand new cars for less, (three if memory serves correctly), but even at $200 I can't even think about that kind of luxury... I am SOOOOOO glad you can consider such an extravagance for yourself... you DESERVE IT! I have a friend who served me some scotch in which he put 3 drops of water to make the experience optimal... I sipped it carefully... he was offended I didn't do cartwheels after... guess I'm just NOT a scotch commonsewer!
I did such a hard eye roll at that one I think my eyes are stuck. We know the masks, lockdowns, quarantines, and jabs have done nothing to slow or stop spread, transmission, and infection. As worthless as used TP. New TP has more value.
My Dad, who died in 2016 at age 94, drank the cheap blends like you like, Stilton. Usually a couple a day before dinner, which is what I believe kept him alive and in good health for so long. I tried to get him to drink the single-malts but his palate was attuned to the cheap stuff. I've never had a cheap expensive Scotch - I hope it's good!
30 years old? My kids would say that was bottled when dinosaurs roamed. Hope you enjoy it with producers & friends!
While I prefer Islay for the dank smoky, peaty goodness, I heartily applaud your going all in for this monumental occasion. I cannot wait to find out what the occasion actually celebrates.
Cheers!!
@Readers- Yeah, I've got people wearing masks even though I don't think they do much good (although these will be KN95, so they might). But owing to recent circumstances, you can understand why I'm operating out of an abundance of caution. Caution, of course, meaning fear.
As for hints about today's event, I indeed planted one in today's text...and some of you have already figured it out. And now, with 90 minutes to go before show time, I need to take a shower and put rollers in my beard. Wish me luck!
Mashing up some of these headlines from "This Day in History" web sites might be amusing. What can you come up with while we are waiting for the true documentary topic?
- 1st game at Camden Field, Balt-Orioles beat Indians 2-0
- 54th NCAA Men's Basketball Championship: Duke beats Michigan, 71-51; back-to-back titles for Blue Devils and coach Mike Krzyzewski
- British Radio Authority licenses Virgin & TV-AM radio licenses
- Microsoft announced Windows 3.1, upgrading Windows 3.0
- US Supreme Court rules a Nebraska farmer was entrapped by postal agents into buying mail-order child pornography
- Voting begins on choice of Elvis postage stamps
- A general strike is declared by communist groups in Nepal
- George Harrison performs his final full concert at London's Royal Albert Hall, in a benefit for the transcendental mediation based Natural Law political party
- Russian-born American author and biochemist Isaac Asimov, American science fiction writer died
Cousin Stilton, you should have called me. I'd a-sent you a bottle of 15-year-old Glenfiddich I bought 15 years ago... The math works, anyway. I hope the "journalists" don't twist and torture your words to make you into a monster. They're good at that. Probably all they're good at these days. They're certainly not good at "reporting"; only editorializing. And I hope the masks are entertaining - like a costume ball.
@Bruce: yeah - dripping a few drops of pure (distilled or RO) water into a touch of fine scotch is said to help make the aroma bloom. In my home, a fine single is to be sampled in a large snifter as your palm warms it, bringing that aroma to your nostrils like silken tentacles...
@Tricky: Islay is outside of my tastes. The high phenolic content makes it taste like I'm chewing on old-school bandaids. Can't stand the stuff. In a way, I envy those who can find something to enjoy in it. Kudos.
Your cousin,
-Emmentaler
Could 7'28" have anything to do with this event, capt'n?
( Barney & Friends: The Treasure Of Rainbow Beard - YouTube )
Lol, ever heard of something called Old Smuggler (seriously, that's it name)? It comes in a crock jug even, not your finest whiskey there. When the hubs was in college and we were broke youngish students we were looking for something to take to a camp out the Forestry Club was having one weekend. We stumbled across a dusty bottle in a liquor store that was actually around 20 years old. I think that is the one and only time I've had whiskey neat, and actually gotten slightly drunk because it was absolutely the only stuff I've had that didn't burn like Listerine that accidentally trickled down the back of your throat when you are gargling with it. Didn't know whiskey could actually taste like that!
I'll stick to Bombay Sapphire and tonic. Gotta keep that malaria at bay, after all.
Masks? They must be from California.
Has anyone organized any mask burning parties yet? If I was the GOP, I'd be organizing a "Face Liberation Day". Masks haven't been a thing where I live for nearly a year now. (And we never did wear them outside)
Of course you need to be gracious to your guests. But if I was being on one of my more jackassery moods, I'd have a sign on my door that said:
NOTICE:
FOR EVERYONE'S SANITY, GUESTS MUST NOT WEAR FACE COVERINGS.
Congratulations on the 30th anniversary of the thing. (And yes, that did confirm my suspicions) All joking aside, you should be proud.
Well Stilton, now that you’ve drilled a hole in my heart as I participated in your long journey over the last year, you’re going to serve 30 yr old scotch, and I don’t get any! It’s OK because the trip to TX would cost about as much as a case of the Glenfiddich, and I don’t drink scotch. I’m a Rye whiskey small batch drinker myself, but the still had a bad day a few months ago, and refuses to share its tears of joy with me anymore. So, it’s back to the Old Crow or for a splurge I could probably afford the Lord, that’s Lord Calvert Canadian. That was my dads favorite bottle he kept in the car. He stopped driving drunk when he got his DUI and would sit in his car in the driveway while visiting with “the Lord”. We called it Jerry’s office. Poor guy lived to be 84 and we are still thinking he had two livers. No normal human being could drink as much as he and live that long with only one liver, impossible! He was quite functional all considering. Well, we are hoping your Documentary goes well and we will be waiting with baited breath to see and hear this moment in time you keep dangling in front of our eyes. Now we know it’s 30 years ago. Well, I think that was the year Billery and the Hildabeast won the keys to the big White House on the hill. So I’m thinking you did or said something about the Hildabeast, and the Media decided it was just too great an offense to allow to be forgotten. We will see, I hope. Best wishes and we are glad you are moving forward. We continue to pray for you and the daughter and so appreciate you sharing your life with us. God Bless you Stilton, Jon Z.
Looking forward to seeing the documentary. Here in Texas, as you well know, we are currently taking to the field to do what the federal government refuses to do--keep Texas safe! Would love to see your take on what our governor is proposing.
MR. GOOSE said...
I once bought a bottle of cheap 12 year old Scotch by the name of SIR EDWARD'S. Apparently it's blended from the bottom dregs left over at a number of Scottish distilleries. I knew something was up before I even tasted it, as it's bottled in France! Then there was the taste. Best avoid that one.
Are you going to appear in the doc under your real name, i.e. Cheddar Gouda?
We old people lose our sense of taste and smell. My kids say they can taste the difference. The middle shelf is good enough for me. Bottom shelf, doesn't swallow as well.
For those near the OR/Cal border.
https://allstarliquors.com/group.asp?grp=180#sign-in
In WA, the tax is as high as the price for middle shelf.
Here's to your enjoyment of some fine 30 year old Scotch, I have no idea what that would taste like or make it worth the dollars but here's to you and your ability to have some enjoyment after the past few months of standing your watch. Stilt, good for you!
As for Scotch, I have no idea why it is the one whiskey I enjoy, a decent amount with a few ice cubes but I certainly to enjoy a bit in the evening. My experience with Scotch has been that some middle of the road Whiskies work the best and those are Famous Grouse, Johnny Walker Red and J&B with an occasional bottle of Monkey Shoulder they are all most palatable for me. Your mileage may vary.
Thank you Stilt for sharing with us and blessings for you and your daughter making it through each day as you move on along through this first year.
Remember to use clean glasses for the occasion!
And yes, best make that beard beautiful!
(deciphers code) (shrieks in horror) No wonder you've been drowning your sorrows in cheap Scotch for 30 years...
uggcf://jjj.shenssvavgl.arg/ivrj/1402329/ [Spoiler encoded for your protection]
OK, Stilton. My guess regarding your stature in the forthcoming documentary is that you wrote and/or performed for one or more of the Chuck E. Cheese characters. If I'm right, I hope you'll treat me to a shot of Clan MacGregor the next time I'm in your area... I wouldn't want you to waste the good stuff on me!
I worked in the video production scene in Dallas from 1988 to 1997, including 7 years at AMS Production Group in north Dallas (I was their first videographer!) I'm now living in northwestern Wisconsin and I ply my trade in the Minneapolis/St. Paul market or wherever I can earn a buck.) It is very similar to the Dallas/Fort Worth video market, but it's about 30 degrees cooler... Break a leg!
DANGIT I just thought of something- I bet you coulda bought a Glenfiddich BOTTLE for cheap then filled it with whatever.... and the combination of false pride on the part of the guests would not allow any of them to say that it did not taste right!!!!
Seriously, congratulations. I am sure you will or have handled it with aplomb and maybe taught them something. Regarding the scotch to each is own. Never understood the love affair with what tastes like sour dirt to me. Must be the peat. I prefer the Irish which is clean and slightly sweet -- the water is peatless. I understand the Scotties add the peat flavor when their water has none. Too each his own.
Keep doing what you are doing. You are doing wonderfully well. I can't imagine what you are going through never having lost a spouse. My wife and I have our share of serious health crises be not what you have experienced. The pain from the loss of loved ones doesn't really go away. It does get duller. What ever you do don't let regrets overwhelm you. Just revel in the lovely memories. We continue to keep you and daughter J in our prayers.
I hope your event went well, Stilt!
A Scottish gentleman whose YouTube channel I check in on from time to time likes to forcefully disassemble electronics and comment on what he finds. His YouTube identity is Big Clive. He has a brother, Ralfy, who does whiskey reviews. Big Clive also likes to perform food experiments. One such experiment involved running a bottle of "Crag and Glen" through a water purifier. The purifier boils the water and then condenses and collect it. Clive collected the output and put it back in the bottle. He also used a bottle of store-bought vodka to dilute the brown syrup that was left in the purifier back into a bottle of brown alcohol. His brother then made a video commenting on the two products. Ralfy's comments on Clive's attire and click-baity thumbnails are entertaining, as are his comments on the merits of the original unmodified drinks. Both the vodka and the whiskey were cheap-as-you-can-get supermarket brands.
The Ralfy review is at:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NxZjrWB3wM
He really gets going at the 2:40 mark.
Clive's original video where he creates this stuff is at:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfJjicQkYsU
Clive also likes to carbonate things. Here, he carbonates an otherwise unmodified quantity of Crag And Glen. He is surprised at how good the result is. He also must have triggered on Ralfy's comments on his click-bait thumbnails, because the bottle of Crag And Glen has the lake now labeled "Loch McClickbait".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9L5FKIjULXU
Erik
Congratulations good Sir! I hope that Speyside was as peaty and earthy as it looks! Cheers to your accomplishments and to your health!
Semper Fidelis, Buck
@Erik Ralfy and Clive are the best cheap entertainment on youtube!! And Clive is downright educational on electronics, even for us Americans. Best of all, you can understand his accent. He did a great video about caring for his mom who had Alzeheimer's, that helped me a lot.
Welp.... I hope the filming and subsequent toasting went well. I think I finally figured out what you are celebrating, but also hope it is fully revealed soon so I can verify my sleuthing skills (or lack thereof).
I read an article a while back about single malt whisky's, and the author claimed that, after 12-15 years, aging the hootch further really has no effect. He claimed that 30 or 40 year old whisky tasted no better than the 12 year version of the same brand. I can't afford the "good stuff," but was invited to a tasting where I had the opportunity to get a shot of MacAllan 25. It was very tasty and smooth, but was it better than MacAllan 12? I really can't say because I did not taste them both side by side. Maybe some other day.
February 2000... I was at the American Legion, volunteering, & had my first abscessed tooth. My normal drink used to be whiskey with a water chaser, but then I started leaving the water in the tap. My tooth hurt worse than the SLAP so I had a couple of shots of Canadian Windsor (whiskey). Sadly, the first 6 or 7 shots didn't numb the pain, so I kept at it. After 16 shots, the tooth was just mildly buzzing & I thought, hells bells, go home girl! I got about 2 feet from my car and did a one and only time of doing a projectile vomit... man... that must have went a good 20 feet! I drove home the pace of a snail on all of the back roads, and then curled up around the nice cold toilet. I puked till there was no more to come out. Then the 2nd day was spent with dry heaves. I wish I could remember the exact date, cause this past February it's been 22 years since I've had any alcohol. I think about it, dream about it, look at the liquor ads, drool, then remember those 2 days sleeping in the john. Then you mention rot gut Scotch and I tell myself, 'if I ever do go back to the liquor store, I'll buy a good scotch to try it out, and to toast you and the wife. I do hope she's getting the flowers I send her. She's missed here at my house. Stay safe! MaryKathleen
Whatever it was and I AM curious; I will have to wait until you tell us. There's just too much other stuff going on right now.
And as for 6 April 1992... probably not that exact date; but that's about when I first started going to post-USSR Russia; trying to help develop international partnerships in oil & gas production. How ironic now.
@mamafrog
I didn't know Clive did a video about his mom. Good to know, in case I ever need it. Thanks!
While Ralfy's kind of funny to watch, I really don't care about alcohol in the slightest, so I will stay with just watching Big Clive. I was always more of a digit-head than an analog guy, but Clive is still fun to watch anyway.
Just sayin'...years ago when most people were raising families (mid-70's) I found myself waiting out a closed Pakistani border in Kabul...snow up to this Texas boy's eyebrows as is normal for the Hindu Kush (the "foothills of the Himalayas); of course, one of my fondest memories as a former drinker was the traveler who brought back a full can of Tuborg from the US Consulate cafeteria. Now remember this is deep in the heart of Islam, so even though HashHish was common and plentiful, alcohol was verbotten.
Well, a small group of Westerners gathered, put down our Chillums, and slowly passed around the can which had been prepared by a short sojurn in the snow. Each took a slow sip and passed it on, and I remembered back home drinking ice-cold Miller quarts, and someone showing up with some awesome reefer which was passed around slowly and reverently.
Same day, different place.
Never developed a good take on Whiskey, but had some really fine stuff a few times...my favorite N'awlins drinks include Irish Coffee, with a shot of Creme de Menthe on top.
My respect to ya'll who appreciate the drink that has fueled the world since olden times...back when some'a ya'll were just passengers on the Ark. but I raise a glass of fine "air" Scotch to every one of you.
STILL not a robot!
@Readers- Wonderful comments from all of you and each deserves an individual reply, but I just don't have my sh*t together enough to manage it. Oh, I'm not doing too badly, I guess, but conjuring enough brains to make proper replies is just beyond me at this point. But even if I'm unavoidably stupid, I won't compound the problem by being unappreciative - so thank you, one and all!
The interview went okay, although the documentary folks were more interested in the subject of their film than in me personally. So I have to put my ego back on the shelf again (wry grin). And some of you have indeed identified the topic of the documentary but I need to be discreet for a bit longer: I signed a non-disclosure agreement, plus I want the documentary to be in finished form and broadcast before the Cancel Culture puts together what I did back then with what I've been doing here for the past dozen or more years. I can reveal all in August and will look forward to doing that!
Probably wise to lay low in that regard, @Stilton. I can barely imagine what the culture warriors would demand of that project today that would have been inconceivable 30 years ago.
Coincidentally, while cleaning my garage recently I came across something related. Perhaps I'll share come August.
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