Who's Laughing Annoyingly Now?

Sadly, their new slogan "Two C**ts At Once!" didn't test well.

"Joe Biden" has officially stepped down, though we'd be very surprised indeed to learn that the real Joe Biden knows anything about it yet. In fact, if they surround him with ice cream and teleprompters, he'll probably continue to believe he's president for the next four years even if he's strapped to his bed at Happy Acres Senior Center.

"Joe" has endorsed Kamala Harris, as have other top democrats who won't mind seeing Trump forever erase her from the national stage. Mind you, that doesn't officially make her the candidate yet, but since she's the only one who can keep the Biden/Harris campaign money and, importantly,  is Black (Jamaican), Asian, and alleged owner of a vagina (Willie Brown can only verify that she has gums), it's impossible for the Dems to replace her without admitting that she's a twit, Joe's a vegetable, and who the hell was really running the country into the ground for the last four years?

Kamala's VP pick isn't yet known, but if it's Hunter Biden, millions of dollars of signs won't need to be reprinted. Still, I'm betting heavily in favor of Secret Service Director Kim Cheatle. Who, coincidentally, may be available to take on a new job as soon as today! She has a brilliant job history of making DEI hires, economizing on protection details, and is wildly popular among Democrats for being the woman who has come closest to taking Trump out of the race. The electoral race and the human race - take your pick.

Kamala Harris could pass some of her responsibilities to Cheatle very easily. For instance, Kamala has been in charge of securing our border and Cheatle has almost exactly the same ability (and same success record) in security. Bonus - rather than building expensive walls at the border, she can authorize a long line of gently sloped roofs to repel invaders. Kamala has also spent these last years being America's AI Security Czar, but I highly doubt that she or anyone else remembers that.

As of this writing, there is no update on what Jumbled Joe Biden himself plans to do when his term runs out - assuming he hasn't first destroyed the world by drooling on the nuclear "football" with the launch codes. There is some speculation that Biden will concentrate mostly on wandering aimlessly (Dr. Jill will be less inclined to call him back), sniffing children real or imagined, and assisting with the plans for the soon-to-be-built Biden Presidential Bribery Library. It may be a national embarrassment, but at least it's fun to say!

If I had a real work ethic, I'd be selling these

FROM THE VAULT

In Kamala's Venn diagram, what Slick Willy and Willie Brown have in common is a willy.

Cameltoe Hairless?

Although not officially confirmed at the time of this writing, it sounds like Joe "I Beat Medicare" Biden is going to announce that he is stepping down from presidential candidacy, perhaps in the next day or two (if it hasn't happened already when you read this).

Subtle hints that this might happen were picked up by the same Sherlockian sleuths who miraculously deduced that Jeffrey Epstein would be on the receiving end of a faked hanging in a maximum security prison. Which is like a regular prison, only with gently sloping roofs so that criminals dare not climb them to attempt escapes. 

In this case, those paying very, very careful attention noted Biden's complete inability to express cohesive thoughts, his halting, zombie-like gait, his fascination with looking at air molecules, and the fact that Pelosi, Schiff, Obama, and the Clintons have recently been seen wearing togas and carrying knives.

On Wednesday, "Biden" tweeted that he would only consider stepping down in the event of a medical necessity.

On Thursday, "Biden" tweeted the two-word message "I'm sick."

So today, or soon, expect "Biden" to tweet "Last night I passed away in my sleep."

And wow, THIS two-year-old post certainly seems relevant again...

FROM THE VAULT - July 22, 2022  

Will you ever forget where you were and what you were doing the moment you found out that Joe Biden, alleged president of the United States, has Covid? Because I've already forgotten, no doubt because I filed the information in the ever-expanding drawer in my brain that's labeled "Who Gives A Crap."

Although that's not quite accurate with Kamala Harris lurking in the wings, only a heartbeat away from being the most idiotic dunce to ever hold high office. And in making that assessment, I'm including a lot of inbred royals over the centuries whose major accomplishments were developing hemophilia, growing webbed fingers and toes, having single-digit IQs and a thousand-yard stare, and farting in the bathtub and snapping at the bubbles while slapping their hands together and barking like a seal.

But by some madness, we may be only days away from Kamala Harris becoming President of the United States. Which raises the terrifying question of who she would choose as the new Vice President? After all, the Vice President's most important job is to make the actual President look less like a moron by comparison, and Kamala Harris was already on a list of only one who could fulfill that role for Joe "Where Am I?" Biden. So who or what could make Harris look good by comparison?

According to our inside sources, this is the short list of candidates being urgently vetted by Democrats...

And so the nation holds its breath, waiting to see if Joe Biden will recover. Although doctors assure us that there's very little chance of Mr. Biden developing "long" Covid, as he can't possibly be long for this world whatever happens.

Trigger Warning

Thank God, Trump is still alive. Sadly, a former fire chief who shielded his family with his own body is not. Nor is the rooftop shooter, who an eyewitness descriptively said had "his head blown off." The killer was identified by his DNA. And further investigation will find a lot of fingerprints on that trigger.

And we already know who those fingerprints belong to - political figures and a mass media that have been tireless in painting Trump as a monster, a dictator, a racist, and a literal, apocalypse-bringing Hitler who needed to be "eliminated" at all costs. When implication wasn't enough of a call to action, many of these people called outright for Trump's assassination. Which is about the only "free speech" the Left really approves of.

Did the shooter believe himself to be a martyred hero who would rid the world of Hitler 2.0? And if he believed that's who Trump is, then every person who fed the lie had a finger on the trigger.

This most certainly includes Joe Biden and those around him. The ladies of The View. Adam Schiff. Joy Reid. Rachel Maddow. Hell, everyone on MSNBC. And hundreds if not thousands more. There was a tacit understanding that for a dementia-ridden Biden to win, Trump had to die. And so the Left's hyperbolic scare-rhetoric was consciously created and constantly repeated in order to find a shooter.

Yet somehow, this screamingly obvious situation was not taken seriously by Kimberly Cheatle, the director of the Secret Service (formerly the security chief for Pepsico, tasked with keeping Cheetos executives safe) who repeatedly denied requests from Trump's protective detail asking for more personnel and support as they were undermanned for the job.  It would be wrong to assert that Cheatle wanted Trump to be assassinated, but it would be ludicrous to suggest she wasn't amenable to the idea.

Although he hesitated to call the shooting an "assassination attempt," Biden has subsequently called for a full and robust investigation to be conducted by all of the alphabet agencies who have previously betrayed Trump, repeatedly lied their asses off to the American people, and participated in the coup to remove him from power in 2020.

At the time of this writing, new details keep coming in - many of them highly disturbing. There is a lot of information still needed for us to really process the gravity of this moment and the influence of the forces that inevitably brought it about - and to inform the actions we should take to insure that those accountable face justice.

Flight Risk

The nation was recently shocked by Joe Biden's debate performance and the realization that his empty head and gaping maw are likely not useful for anything other than becoming a Section 8 beehive. However, it now seems that we have again been fooled by our lyin' eyes and that there was a perfectly valid reason for Joe's performance. In fact, we're now hearing lots of reasons from very authoritative sources!

We can start with the assertion that Biden was suffering from a cold that evening. Granted, colds don't usually turn people into zombies with glazed eyes, but Dr. Anthony "Mass Murdering Sonofabitch" Fauci declared that Biden was probably just high on cough medicine. Especially if he found it in Hunter's medicine cabinet.

Many Biden staffers are attributing the Hindenburg-sized debate disaster to jet lag, which is well known to turn healthy people into shambling, clueless mental patients. This theory is bolstered by the fact that Biden had recently flown overseas to be embarrassing in front of the G7 folks, and only had a fleeting 12 days to recover.

Biden himself claims his problem was a lack of sleep and jokes that "I almost fell asleep up there." Yeah, Joe - you just looked sleepy. But to avoid such difficulties in the future, Biden has announced that he will no longer stay up after 8 o'clock. Unless a really good episode of "Matlock" is on TV.

Personally, I think Joe was simply being clever about alternately mumbling or letting his mouth hang open like the door of a cuckoo clock so that the people who put those wonderful "Bad Lip Reading" videos on Youtube wouldn't have anything to work with. 

But whichever explanation proves to be right, we can all be absolutely sure that Joe Biden is still just as mentally fit as he was the day he was sworn in. God help us.

THAT HAS A FAMILIAR RING TO IT...

I continue to experiment with AI, songwriting, and video in order to keep my brain supple and free from age-related jet lag.

For a couple of decades, I had a cute hook for a country song bouncing around in my head and I finally wrote it up, used AI to generate the music (and a semi-realistic looking singer), and was pretty happy with the final product. Although a bit of that feeling faded when my brother pointed out that country legend George Jones had recorded a hit with the same bit of wordplay eons ago. Oops.

But the song is still a fun one (especially compared to the George Jones version) and I hope you'll enjoy it!

Biden's Path To Victory

Joe Biden's political future is still open, much like his gaping mouth and the zipper on his pants.  But Democrats still think that it's critical that he beat Donald Trump in November, due in no small part to the Supreme Court's decision that it's perfectly okay for presidents to do absolutely anything. A situation which would almost certainly make Trump into a modern, blood-drinking, all-powerful orange Caligula.

The Supreme Court decision did not, of course, do anything remotely like that. Only idiots would think otherwise. But the Venn diagram showing "idiots" and "liberals" overlaps so much that it looks like a single circle.

Based on the Court's decision, The Huffpost has declared that Biden can now legally murder Trump, others have suggested that Joe Biden use his presidential power to fire cruise missiles into the conservative Supreme Court, and "wise Latina" Justice Sonia Sotomayor has declared that the ruling means that a president is now a "king above the law." A chilling warning that reminds us that we really shouldn't give lifetime appointments to nitwits.

With so much hysteria in the air, many Democrats are reasserting their intent to vote for Biden even if he's legally shown to have the mobility of a barnacle and the mental capacity of a sponge cake. But to accomplish this, it's critical that the public now see as little of Joe as possible to prevent further damage. A point made ever so clearly by this recently released video from the Democrat National Committee...

Ups and Downs

You've got to give it to Joe Biden - when he falls down he gets right back up and explains to the officer who tackled him that he was only checking the little girl for head lice. And isn't that the kind of fighting spirit we need right now?

Apparently, there are still people who think so.  Joe is already back on the campaign trail, alternately shouting and whispering whatever is on his teleprompters. Among the claims he's making is that his debate performance actually won over more independent voters than Trump got. And oddly enough, it's true.

Or at least, true-ish. Newsweek, which we didn't know existed anymore, trumpeted the headline "Undecided Voters Say They Now Support Joe Biden After Debate" and it's being tweeted by the Biden-Harris team. But Not The Bee, the funny, truth-telling partner website of The Babylon Bee pulled back the curtain on the story. Newsweek was citing a single poll of just 12 (count 'em!) undecided voters who were not native English speakers. No, really. They couldn't understand anything either candidate said during the debate so just read subtitles in Spanish, and God only knows what was being written there:

Trump: I'll execute all the Hispanic men and rape their wives and daughters.
Biden: I'll give them each a million dollars and make siesta time longer.

At the time of this writing, Joe Biden is sequestered at Camp David with Dr. Jill, discussing with advisors whether he should stay in the race or be released on a nice farm where he can wander to his heart's content and frolic and be happy. 

Or at least, that's the story the party bosses will tell the kids...