Doge and Pony Show

 
Despite my temptation to share a bunch of inbreeding jokes ("If she warn't good enough fer her family, she ain't good enough fer ours!"), we now have proof positive that when wacky billionaires are paired, the disturbing offspring is likely to end up in a carnival sideshow.

And so it is with President Trump and Elon Musk. Once best buddies forever, Musk is now calling Trump a pedophile who should be impeached, and Trump is threatening Musk with financial armageddon if he dares donate to democrats. Democrats who are as tickled about this meltdown as a chromosome-challenged kid strumming banjo on a porch swing...

Dueling Bimbos

Sadly, this may be the end of our last best chance to save the country from financial collapse. The brutal and immediate austerity needed to make things right is likely never going to happen in a system that endlessly borrows money in order to buy self-perpetuating votes. Our political system can no more cut budgets than elephants can fly - it's just not designed for the job.

In the meanwhile, both Trump and Musk are wasting important political energy by attacking each other and the Left is loving it. But of course, they've always been thrilled by kinky relationships.

FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON

Here's a cartoon I did recently. My mind is an odd place to live in.

Vine Marches On

Yes, that's really my late Mom and my (better looking) twin brother.

Mother's Day has come and gone, and many of you are probably still reeling from the dirty looks Mom gave you after receiving only a Hallmark card and a drugstore gift. This was the woman who carried you for nine months! This was the woman who was willing to have sex with your father in hopes of someday having a thoughtful child. But she got you.

So if you failed to score points with Mom this year, I'm here to help you with a variety of memorable (trust me on this) gift items you can start looking at for next year!

As I've mentioned here previously, I'm a member of Amazon Vine. That's a program in which you can choose items to receive free in return for posting an honest review of the product. Sweet, right? Of course, not all the Vine offerings are winners. So here, once again, I'm presenting the latest crop of items that caught my eye (or caught in my throat)...

The Darkness Before the Dumb

It comes as a welcome relief to Americans that we're no longer the only nation blowing through unfathomable amounts of money to learn, once and for all, just how deep FAFO goes.

Oh, Fauci and company had us in the top spot for quite awhile, investing our tax dollars to create new ways to kill millions of human beings then doubling down by giving mRNA poisoning to Covid survivors. It is truly a situation in which "Oops, sorry" just seems an insufficient degree of penance.

But today is a new day...and soon to be a dimmer day. Because researchers in the UK have just committed to spending $66 million in hopes of fighting climate change by dimming the sun. Because there's certainly nothing that could go wrong with that plan, right?

Happily, the sun itself is in no danger as all the dimming will be taking place right here in the Earth's atmosphere, which will be made "more reflective" to bounce sunlight back into space. This process will require scientists to flood the atmosphere with chemicals which will almost certainly be 100% safe for us to breathe. Seriously, how much damage can a lungful of tiny shiny shards do?

The benefits of dimness (which is a book title waiting to happen) will be profound. For one thing, it will stop climate change in its tracks, assuming that researchers' wild guesses and spurious studies are right about what causes climate change. Which, to date, they haven't been.

Still, there will be effects we can confidently predict. Reducing the amount of solar energy entering our atmosphere will effectively put every plant that uses photosynthesis on a crash diet. So there will be less food grown, less carbon dioxide uptake, and less oxygen production. Solar panels will produce less electricity. Weather patterns will be affected, as well as our planet's myriad (and delicately balanced) ecosystems,

Sufficient dimness will additionally impact animal behavior, including human animals who tend to develop depression when deprived of enough light. 

Or when contemplating more a**holes in lab coats performing potentially catastrophic experiments.

Inaction Figure

Hey, kids! Wouldn't YOU like to be the first to own these (checks Urban Dictionary) lit, dope, fabbo collectible inaction figures?! Choose hard-hitting citizen journalist "STILTON JARLSBERG" or America's Sweetheart "BUSTY ROSS!" Patriotism has never been so much fun...or at least, not since we released the Adam Schiff urinal cakes ("Delicious!" raves former Presidementia Joe Biden).

Sadly, these toys aren't really on the market (and I'm pretty sure that my sales wouldn't even be close to Busty's). But I've called this post "Inaction Figure" for a reason - to concede the fact that it's time for "Stilton's Place" in its current form to take its final bows.

The blog began as Hope n' Change Cartoons way back in January of 2009 and I've been here, sometimes sporadically, ever since. The world has changed dramatically and, in recent years, so have I. When I lost my wife of 48 years, Kathy, after a hellish battle with wildfire leukemia, more than half of me went with her. It's been just over 3 years now but still feels like yesterday. I don't like the word "healing" in relation to grief, as grief isn't a sickness, but if I had to measure my progress I'd say I'm maybe 20% better than I was at my worst. At that rate, when I turn 85 I might consider dating again.

I function pretty well day-to-day and in human interactions (dreaded, but not entirely escapable) people still consider me funny. And I'm definitely still into doing creative things and pursuing humor.

But politics? Just shoot me. Emotionally speaking, I simply can't deal with the lying, the accusations, the theatrics, and the naked evil that swirls through the alleged "news" of the day. It fills me with impotent anger. It robs me of energy and hope, and I need every iota of both to keep going. Mind you, I stay reasonably up on current events by listening to the podcast "Real Coffee with Scott Adams" daily. He's non-partisan, smart, funny, and calls out all of the idiocy with unbridled glee. I highly recommend that you take a trial listen!

But where does that leave us - you and me - at the moment? Well, I don't know. I mostly thought I should post today just so you'd know I hadn't stepped in front of a bus, crossed Hillary Clinton one too many times, or been swept away by a Spring twister ("Everything's bigger in Texas!")

I'm going to take some time to reflect on what I might be able to write about that isn't politics. Should I just mock stupid products on Amazon? Share colorful tales about my youth (remember having jumper cables attached to your nipples? I do.) Share recipes (Clan MacGregor scrambled eggs)? Just find something to bitch about every week? Should I do a podcast?  I have no idea and any suggestions will be warmly welcomed in the comments section. Well, don't suggest Only Fans. I already tried and didn't earn a dime.

I'll keep you posted as my mental mists clear, so please don't unsubscribe from the mail list - I never spam and I'd rather sell my vital organs ("Why am I waking up in a bathtub full of ice?) than sell your private contact information.

We've had an incredible run together and one I hope will extend into the future. Same wit and worldview but different subject matter. 

Oh, I should note that Johnny Optimism isn't going anywhere. You can count on three new cartoons a week until either Johnny or I drop over. Because I like spending time with him.

FROM THE VAULT

Since the presidential autopen is in the news, it seemed like a good time to revisit this golden oldie cartoon...

(5/31/2011) History was made last week when Barack Obama, whose every public utterance comes off a teleprompter, authorized the robotic "autopen" to sign a bill into law while the president himself was overseas drinking Guinness and singing "Danny Boy" with his long-lost Irish kinsmen.

The autopen is a machine which uses a real pen to create a duplicate of the president's signature, allowing "personally hand signed" letters and photos to be created for campaign donors and grieving military families without taking away from Mr. Obama's critical time on the golf course.

But the idea that the autopen's duplicate signature is, legally speaking, just as valid as Mr. Obama's signature is troubling to say the least. It suggests that the president himself isn't really a necessary part of the governmental process and is entirely superfluous... much like Joe Biden.

Doge Balz

The cartoon above is from July 1, 2016 and was the point that I finally and very reluctantly came to the conclusion that Donald Trump should become President.

That lengthy post, which is worth reading for historical perspective, sums up this way:

Donald Trump is potentially a yuuuuge disrupter at a time when our political system needs huge disruption. Our nation would be far more likely to survive his probably policy failures than even a single term of Hillary Clinton's toxic policy successes. Which is why we to cast a "Breaks It" vote for Trump in November. There's a lot that needs breaking.

Sadly, between the pandemic and an unprecedented governmental effort to sabotage Trump's administration and (bonus!) send him to jail, my ears were never treated to the sounds of a bull shattering china (preferably still in Democrats' hands) that I'd hoped for. But that was then, and this is now. And...wow.

The Trump who was sworn in this time is not the same guy who was sworn in last time. He has been galvanized by continuous attacks from the Left, up to and including assassination attempts which still look suspiciously like they were being "allowed" to happen. And he is a man who now understands the depths of Washington's mendacity and what it takes to effectively wield Presidential authority.

His performance to date has been jaw-dropping. In only a few weeks, he's accomplished more than Joe Biden did in his entire bribe-taking life. And between DOGE and a raft of atypical cabinet appointees, the swamp dwellers realize that This Time It's Real. The waste, corruption, the not-so-secret CIA dark government designed to control "enemies" (that's you and me!) at home and abroad, collusion with the media, and Leftist policies deliberately targeted to weaken and divide our society - all of these things are simultaneously under attack and, delightfully, Trump isn't taking prisoners. Well, mostly...

This is change on a scale I've wished for but never expected to see. An honest-to-gosh revolution powered by average Americans who have been pushed too far and lied to too often. People who think it's time for Washington to relearn what accountability means, fiscally, morally, and legally.

I'm loving it.

BEAUS AND ARROWS

Gone But Not Forgiven - Inauguration Day 2025

What a lucky "coincidence" that Jimmy Carter just moved out...

Today is Inauguration Day, 2025. The day when Donald Trump will return to the office of President of the United States, replacing...well...we don't know who the hell has been running the country into the ground for the past four years because it definitely wasn't the ancient dementia-ridden criminal bastard who has been the sock puppet of some pretty dark damn puppeteers.

The four-year lie that Joe Biden was even marginally mentally competent is an insult to Americans that should neither be forgotten nor forgiven, preemptive pardons or not. Now that "Make America Great Again" is officially policy, I'd like to see a new phrase put into play by the new Trump administration: "Reap the Whirlwind."

What the Left rabidly describes as "revenge" will actually look more like 100% legal justice...and long overdue justice at that. From mere malfeasance to treason, there is a long list of scoundrels who deserve comeuppance.

This is, of course, assuming that The Swamp fails in their next attempt(s) to kill or incriminate Trump. Which is sadly not an assumption I'm making just yet. Still, today's inauguration marks a potentially bright light in the darkness.

Since election day, Trump has already racked up impressive accomplishments on the world stage. I'm optimistic, for the first time in a very long time, that maybe we really can make America great again. Shipping the vile Biden family out of Washington is a good start.

OLDIE BUT GOODIE