The Not-So-Great Escape

Despite the many reassuring headlines saying things like "Chinese Continue To Deny That Genetically Modified Bat Virus Found In Wuhan Came From Wuhan Institute of Genetically Modifying Bat Viruses," a growing body of evidence suggests that our current pandemic is actually the biggest man-caused disaster in human history.

Science writer Nicholas Wade has done yeoman work in analyzing the available data (and writes about it in great detail here) and has come to the conclusion that while it's possible (barely) that the virus had a natural origin, the much greater likelihood is that SARS-CoV-2 escaped from the Wuhan Institute of Virology after they deliberately enhanced the virus's ability to infect human beings.

Among the damning pieces of evidence are reports that technicians in the Wuhan lab suddenly fell seriously ill (with some dying) just days before SARS-CoV-2 magically and spontaneously appeared near the lab. In hindsight, when multiple people in a virology lab suddenly fall ill when working with deadly new diseases, they shouldn't be sent home or to local hospitals. Oops!

So here we are, with 3 million dead (and counting), trillions of dollars in damages, and unprecedented social upheaval - and the likely cause was a screw-up in a lab which had already been criticized for poor security (which didn't keep Anthony Fauci from sending them millions of American tax dollars to play God with), followed by China's blackout on information which could have saved countless lives.

But there's good news and bad news. The good news is that SARS-CoV-2 is far less lethal than some of the other manipulated Frankenstein viruses which could have escaped. The bad news is that absent strong and unified action from all nations, virology research labs are going to continue creating scores of nightmarish pathogens. 

And making mistakes.

BONUS: LIGHTNING ROUND

•  The US State Department issued a memo to our embassies worldwide encouraging them to fly "Black Lives Matter" flags on May 25th to commemorate the one-year anniversary of George Floyd's death. Presumably, embassies which didn't have a handy BLM flag could simply set fire to a standard American flag and use it as an ignition source to torch the embassy "BLM-style" itself.

• The Pentagon has created a working group to cull "extremists" out of the military. To head that group, they've hired a radical named Bishop Garrison who is on record as saying that anyone who voted for Trump (and there were at least 75 million of us) is just such an extremist (and racist and misogynist to boot). This being the case, wouldn't it be easier to disband the whole military rather than just removing the patriots? Then again, that may be the real plan.

• Speaking of the military, God only knows how many of our tax dollars were wasted on this animated recruitment video (widely mocked and quickly withdrawn) which emphasizes that what our military really needs is women who are just as strong as the two lesbian mothers who raised them. Yes, really. 

Guard Dooty

To the shock of legal scholars, it turns out that Justice isn't necessarily blind after all - it may just be asleep, playing computer solitaire, or watching porn during working hours.

At least, that's how it seems when we consider the jaw-dropping news that the two prison guards (both of whom could interview Lori Lightfoot, if you catch our drift) who were supposed to be keeping suicide watch on Jeffrey Epstein on the night of his death were actually sleeping, playing on computers, and generally doing anything other than their simple but important jobs. And then they falsified legal documents about their activities. 

For which, they're striking a plea deal that won't punish them at all, other than to give them each 100 hours of community service which will likely consist of sleeping, playing computer solitaire, watching porn, then signing false statements that say they were picking up litter next to highways.

Given that no one, and we mean NO ONE, believes that Jeffrey Epstein died of anything other than a murder-for-hire funded by one or more of the high-ranking perverts he had dirt on, this "let 'em off with a slap on the wrist" punishment appears to be more prima facie evidence of a high-level conspiracy.

Were the guards paid to look the other way? Or simply threatened by people who - demonstrably - have the willingness and ability to carry out death threats no matter how closely you're "guarded"?  Not to mention having enough political pull to make sure that their toadies can subsequently escape the legal consequences of their actions. Actions that directly resulted in a man's death and threw up a likely impenetrable barrier to the investigation of wealthy and powerful pedophiles and human traffickers. 

Still, this doesn't come as bad news to everyone...

(From Nov 4, 2019)

In these stressful political times, it's important to remember to laugh as often as possible - especially about topics which are knee-slappingly funny like murder, pederasty, and sex trafficking.

At least, that's what Progressives find hilarious based on an interview in which The Daily Show host, Trevor Noah, asked Hillary Clinton how she killed Jeffrey Epstein - and was greeted with shrill, psychotic, Joker-style laughter by the First Lady of Arkancide. As opposed to, oh, a denial.

Alleged non-candidate Hillary was appearing on the show along with international diarrhea expert Chelsea "Daddy says it's not incest if I'm Webb Hubbell's" Clinton to promote their inspirational new children's book, "Gusty Women."

No, wait - the book is called "Gutsy Women" and it's filled with examples of women who, like Hillary, were strong and unapologetic historical trailblazers. Little girls (including, of course, those with a penis) can thrill to the colorful exploits of Lucretia Borgia, Lizzie Borden, Ma Barker, Aileen Wournos, Bonnie Parker, and Typhoid Mary - all of whom were gutsy enough to kill scores of people while laughing like hyenas.

And all of whom knew that Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself.

Black Jive Matters

Remember when racism was considered shameful and its practitioners had to do so from the shadows? Apparently, that's not the case for Lori Lightfoot, the mayor of Chicago ("Home of the Weekend Body Count"), who has now declared that she'll grant no one-on-one interviews to journalists who are (and we apologize for printing an obscenity) "white."

Lightfoot is openly offended by the number of white journalists covering City Hall in Chicago, and believes that a good dose of old-time racial segregation is just the ticket to establish healthy non-diverse diversity in the press corps.

Mind you, Ms. Lightfoot (preferred pronouns: "it, that, yikes") isn't interested in assuring diversity of opinion in the local news...just diversity of pigmentation.  Because as long as anyone in Chicago is still judging people based on the content of their character rather than the color of their skin, Mayor Lightfoot's racially divisive work is not finished.

MEDICAL UPDATE

We're pleased to report that Stilton's brother is recovering nicely from his recent surgical procedure. A procedure which involved blasting away the inside of his prostate using a flamethrower (well, a cauterizing green laser) which was inserted catheter-style into Mr. Happy's peephole. Then twisted.

We shudder to think about it, but hopefully the worst is over. Thank you for the many good wishes, thoughts, and prayers. And our apologies to every male reader who won't be able to uncross their legs all day after reading the description of that surgery.