Blank Reality Check

With the announcement that 25-year old "Reality Winner" (no, really) had been arrested for stealing and leaking top secret documents, it became clear to us that a near and dear friend who was very ill for a very long time had finally been pushed over the brink: we regret to say that Satire is dead.

Because seriously, when a story gets this "in your face" ridiculous - what details are left for us to push to humorous extremes?!

Start with her name: "Reality Winner." Then let's tick off the other boxes: lesbian bodybuilder, ardent Bernie Sanders supporter, a "Black Lives Matter" enthusiast who (though white herself) argues that "Being white is terrorism." A woman whose social media posts include referring to the President of the United States as a "piece of shit" and the "Tangerine in chief," who additionally declares that in a war between the US and Iran, she'll side with Iran.

And still...STILL...she was given a top secret security clearance and access to classified materials. Which raises two very troubling questions: just what in blazing Hell does someone have to do to not get a security clearance, and how many other angry, ignorant, communist-leaning, anti-American social justice warriors are currently embedded in (and sabotaging) our intelligence agencies?!

We're guessing the number to be terrifyingly high, but can't know for sure because trying to find out would require functional intelligence agencies. And that ship, like Satire, has sailed.

London Undone

In the face of Saturday's appalling terror attack in London, we don't really want to waste many more words on Kathy Griffin. At some point, one is simply beating a dead whore (to coin a phrase). But in the former comedienne's news conference, she claimed that it was only because of a conspiracy by "old white men" that her ISIS-style beheading photo wasn't considered funny.

Days later, radical Islamic extremists were slitting throats with 12-inch blades - and there can't be any stronger reminder that the proper reaction of all people with even rudimentary decency is to be shocked and angered by this evil, lunatic carnage.

The Perish Accord

He's been down there since last November.

Donald Trump stood in the Rose Garden yesterday and smugly announced his unwavering support for the end of the world. Smog-choked cities, melting ice caps, dead oceans, contaminated water supplies, and the extinction of all living things on Earth which aren't billionaires.

Or at least that's the hysterical narrative we're going to be hearing endlessly from the Left, who will surely be trotting out a doomsaying Bill Nye and hoping that we don't remember the vapid entertainer's recently televised "sex junk" debacle.

Trump's actual declaration was almost anticlimactic: we're pulling out of the existing Paris Climate Accord because the terms were unfairly stacked against America and Americans, but we're wide open to renegotiating more favorable terms or a new deal while continuing our commitment to a clean, sustainable environment. Moreover, Trump will honor the withdrawal terms negotiated by Obama, meaning it will take up to 4 years to actually leave the accord...and the final decision will be made by voters in the next Presidential election. Hardly the stuff of dictatorial apocalypse.

Not that Trump's announcement came as a big surprise. In what's become a very noticeable trend in the mainstream media, "news" reports now consist largely of predictions about what might happen according to ethereal spirit voices who can not be named...

Seriously, the news headlines we've been reading lately say "Trump is expected to withdraw from Paris Accord" and "Investigations into Russian collusion are expected to heat up," and "Comey is expected to testify that Trump pointed a gun at him and demanded (in perfect Russian) that he halt the Flynn investigation and hand over his wallet."  And all this while largely ignoring actual news which they didn't expect, like yet another month of skyrocketing job growth for everyone except red-headed comediennes.

It's not bad enough that we already had fake news, non-news, and spin-cycle news...seemingly we now have to put up with news which hasn't even happened yet but might according to Ouija boards, chicken entrails, and wizened gypsy tea leaf readers.

If the Left and the media (one and the same thing) are really concerned with helping the environment, we suggest that they cut down on the emissions from their smoke and mirrors.