Renegade Renovations

When the President of the United States calls you on the phone, you damn well listen...

"Stilt? Don. With all of this Russia crap, and let me tell you it IS crap, because I've seen some very, very bad crap in my day and this crap is much, much worse. Much much. It's crap! Where was I?"

"Russian crap."

"Right - the stupid lying fake news media is using it to bury my agenda. I can't get my big ideas out there. Spicer was a great guy, great guy, but he wasn't getting it done. So he's over. Back to the minors."

"How can I help?"

"I want to draw attention to one American family being made great again, as they hire American laborers to completely rebuild their humble and outdated middle-class home and make it great again! Even MSNBC will eat it up! It's all about the pictures. And Stilt - I want those to be pictures of you."

"Me, Mr. President?! But why?"

"Many, many good reasons. You don't look like a rich guy, you look like a schlub. But a hot wife. Very hot. Too good for you, frankly. And people love that whole dynamic. "What the hell has he got that we don't know about?" they'll ask themselves. And then there's your crumbling house. When was the last time you remodeled it?"

"30 years ago."

"Perfect. We'll say Carter broke your heart and you haven't recovered your confidence till now. Been a mental wreck. When people see your picture they'll buy it. Totally. Totally."

"So, uh, what do you want me to do?"

"You'll be the new focus of "Make An American House Great Again." You'll share every detail of upgrading your sad little home while energizing the economy with seemingly endless construction bills."

"But...this will cost tens of thousands of dollars, Mr. President! Where will I get that kind of money?!"

"I'm pretty sure you've got that money in your Russian bank account if you know what I mean. Wink-wink, nudge-nudge. So will you do it, Stilt? For Me, for Melania, and for America?"

"Of course, Mr. President. I'll get right on it."

"And as a little thank you, none of your readers will ever get audited again. But that's way off the books. Hush-hush stuff. Loose lips sink ships. Zip it. Ix-nay. Turn the lock and throw away the key."

"Understood. I won't let you down, Mr. President."

"You never have, Stilt. God bless you, you never have."

=======

And that's why things here at Stilton's Place may be a bit wacky for the next couple of months.  We're doing a major renovation of the interior of our home which begins with demolition and then goes downhill from there. Floors, walls, plumbing, and more - every bit of which will pour money into the hands of local laborers who can then feed their families, buy expensive cars, and otherwise energize the economy more efficiently than the mega-billions Obama wasted on his "shovel ready" jobs scam.

Although we embrace our patriotic duty, we're not really looking forward to the process - which will apparently involve weeks of living out of boxes, moving every lick of furniture out of our house, going without the Internet or television for extended periods, and a complete loss of both peace and privacy until about October.

We'll do our best to keep the usual Monday, Wednesday, Friday updates flowing - though it's safe to assume that we're in for some bumpy weeks. But it's all about making America strong and prosperous again - something you can all celebrate.

Especially since YOU won't be getting the bills.      -Stilt

We expect a lot of this to be going on...

In Memoriam: Joseph Rago

The world of real journalism lost an important voice last week with the death of Pulitzer Prize-winning Wall Street Journal editorial writer Joseph Rago. He was only 34.

Regular readers of this blog know that in a world of increasingly fake news, the Wall Street Journal has been one of our last recommended sources for solid reporting and worthwhile editorial thought. Rago was responsible for some of the best of those editorials.

His trademarks included incisive analysis and the ability to simplify and explain complex issues, all with a refreshingly subtle but stiletto-accurate wit. His editorials were a pleasure to read and contemplate, whether we agreed with him on the issues or not (and usually we did).

Losing his unique mind and voice in these chaotic times is a tragedy. He should have had many more years to enlighten, convince, and influence Conservative thought. At the time of this writing, his cause of death is unknown.

On a personal level, Rago's death hits us hard - much like the deaths of former newsman and Presidential spokesman Tony Snow, and muckraker extraordinaire Andrew Breitbart. Their energy, insights, and wisdom were a balm to the ills of an increasingly inane and insane world of media . Their very existence gave us hope and optimism.

Rest in peace, Mr. Rago. And thank you for doing so well what so few can do at all.

Click here for a good example of Joseph Rago's writing.

Knife Guys Finish First

OJ Simpson will be a free man in October (he'll be the big trick-or-treater in the Michael Myers mask) thanks to a parole board's decision to let him out early for committing armed robbery because he had "no prior criminal convictions."

Wow.

Of course, he did have a prior civil conviction, in which he was found to be responsible for brutally chopping up former wife Nicole Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman. But apparently the parole board didn't consider that salient in making their determination that Simpson probably constitutes no threat to any member of the general public unless they piss OJ off.

Simpson's parole brings back unpleasant memories of his original trial, in which the race card was played as the ultimate "Get Out of Jail Free" card thanks to a jive-talking defense attorney who made his simple-minded arguments in hippity-hop rhyme, a liberal white female prosecutor who believed that her "sisterhood" with black female jurors would outweigh racial solidarity, and a pair of gloves that unsurprisingly didn't fit OVER a pair of unforgiving rubber gloves - especially when OJ spread his meaty fingers into a fan shape as if he had no experience whatsoever with how gloves are supposed to work.

When it was finally time for the OJ verdict to be announced, we were personally watching a recording of "It's a Wonderful Life" and paused it just before poor old George Bailey prayed on the bridge to live again. Foolish optimists that we were, we thought the jury's remarkably short deliberation must mean that they'd voted OJ "guilty" owing to the superabundance of incontrovertible evidence. (For the record, Mrs. Jarlsberg, who is wise in all things, thought the exact opposite.)

But no, it turned out that thanks to ignorance and a heaping helping of anti-white racism and anti-cop sentiment, a homicidal butcher could literally get away with murder - and did.

And when we eventually returned to "It's a Wonderful Life," the ending felt hollow and meaningless. At that moment in time, we just couldn't buy the fable that justice will eventually triumph, and that diverse communities are comprised of inherently good people who will rally together to do to what's right in times of crisis.

Our enthusiasm for the film has returned over time, but not our naivete about what to expect from the justice system or those who churn race hatred for their own benefit. Among whom, we're sure, will be OJ Simpson yet again.