Aboriginal Sin

We forgot the boomerang joke we were going to use, but it will probably come back to us.

We decided to go for a lighthearted Monday rather than actually delve into news stories like California burning (and Governor Brown blaming global warming), black "leaders" refusing to attend the dedication of a civil rights museum because the freaking President of the United States was there, or the latest revelations about Mueller's investigative team and just how far each of them was cozily nestled up Hillary's hiney.

BONUS: FREE CHRISTMAS ALBUM!

To take your mind off the cares of the world, and to gleefully annoy anyone who is offended by the word "Christmas," we're giving you a free no-strings-attached downloadable album of relaxing instrumental Christmas music!

And yes, it's exactly the same album we gave away last year - meaning this year it's officially a holiday tradition!

Not available in stores. Trust us on this one.

It's the Manhole Steamrising "Complete Christmas Collection" and...what's that? You never heard of Manhole Steamrising? Well, you didn't think we could afford to hire Mannheim Steamroller to record a custom album, did you?! Besides, who needs all of those fancy-shmancy synthesizers when you're trying to enjoy quiet moments with the twinkling lights on your Christmas tree and the tinkling ice in your glass of scotch?

The album is solo harp which is actually played by a real angel (we think his name is "Harold") and consists of 15 soothing tracks of Christmas favorites, two of which are "Adeste Fidelis" and are done (as Basil Fawlty would say on gourmet night) "in two extremely different ways."

It's all perfectly legal, and you're free to share the music and/or the link with as many people as you like. In fact, we encourage you to share! Please! Tis the season! Just click this link to get your download started.

You'll end up with a ZIP file which, when double-clicked, will open up into a folder with your 15 songs in MP3 format. It's our way of saying "thank you" and "Merry Christmas" to everyone who visits Stilton's Place!

Want to sample the music before downloading or enjoy it without downloading? Then just click here to listen to the Youtube version!

Al Be Seeing You!

Senate slimeball Al Franken has announced that he's resigning "in a few weeks" in response to multiple accusations that he has aggressively tried to steal kisses and is a serial fanny squeezer.

Of course, Franken doesn't admit any wrongdoing whatsoever - going so far as saying that some of the accusations are untrue (i.e., the ladies are lying - which we've previously been lectured is an impossibility) and that he has very different recollections of the other incidents. Specifically, that when he was squeezing women's backsides, he erroneously believed them to be irresistible rolls of Charmin toilet tissue (the so-called "Mr. Whipple" defense).

Our parting words for the disgraced Senator: don't let the screen door hit you where you've been hitting on everyone else.

Moan-ivational Posters

There comes a time in life when we feel the importance of giving back to younger generations and sharing the hard-won wisdom we've accrued over decades of experience.

And for us, that time came yesterday when we had an hour to kill and nothing to entertain ourselves with other than an iPad and an app designed to make motivational memes.

The app comes complete with a number of iconic, tasteful images which can easily be paired with genuinely inspirational quotes.

Or not - which is the direction we took...

Feel free to print these and hang them on your walls for inspiration. Better still, print them and hang them on the walls of those who deserve to be confused and depressed!