Driven a Fraud Lately?

No matter what your politics, you have to salute the strength and courage of a woman who, despite the formidable forces against her and the risk to her reputation, agrees to give testimony to the Senate Judiciary Committee reviewing the wildly contentious Kavanaugh matter.

Of course, we're not referring to Christine Blasey Ford, whom we sympathetically believe to have significant psychological issues which are being cruelly exploited by the Left. Rather, we're talking about Dr. Ford's lifetime friend, Leland Ingham Keyser, who was recently named as a witness present at the infamous party at which an attack may or may not have occurred.

In written testimony which carries a criminal penalty if not true, Ms. Keyser said she "does not know Mr. Kavanaugh and has no recollection of ever being at a party or gathering where he was present, with or without Dr. Ford."

It's worth noting that, besides being Dr. Ford's friend, Ms. Keyser is a longtime Democrat who presumably would be happy to torpedo Kavanaugh if it could be done without committing perjury. Although it's certainly possible that she's simply an honorable person who puts doing the right thing above politics. In either event, we predict she's going to need to find a whole new circle of friends soon - and probably hire security to ensure her personal safety.

This makes a total of four "witnesses" named by Dr. Ford, all of whom say the incident never happened.

In legal terms, we believe this entire matter has more than met the definition of farce majeure and needs to be wrapped up as soon as possible, with justice for Judge Kavanaugh and an extended and hopefully beneficial stay at Happy Acres for his accuser.

BREAKING: UPCHUCK UPDATE

No doubt because Christine Blasey Ford's story has fallen apart, a NEW "victim" of Kavanaugh has suddenly come forth with recovered memories which even she admits are pretty hazy based on being blind drunk at the time of the alleged incident.

According to reports, Deborah Ramirez (a Democrat- surprise!) wasn't sure who waggled a weenie in her direction at a party in a Yale dorm room 35 years ago when she was incoherent, but after consulting with a lawyer for a week, she's miraculously "remembered" that it was 18-year-old Long Dong Kavanaugh.

Bullshit.

This time, the "victim" says there was a roomful of witnesses. The problem? They all say that it never happened. So we're going to go out on a limb here and say that, while we think Dr. Ford likely has mental problems, Ramirez sounds like an opportunistic liar.

Enough. The vote on Kavanaugh should take place today, he should be sworn in by week's end, and afterwards no one nominated for any position by a Democrat should be approved for anything ever again. 

This whole thing has gone way beyond the pail. And no, we didn't spell "pale" wrong - we meant that the perfidy of the Leftists makes us puke so violently that it doesn't all hit the bucket.

Just Slay No

Leave it to our intrepid correspondent Busty Ross to bring a fresh new perspective to the otherwise stultifying Kavanaugh lynching...er, we mean proceedings. Ms Ross is, of course, not a woman to be trifled with, and we pity the fool who would underestimate her ability to convincingly make the case that "no means no."

Mind you, we're not actually recommending that every incidence of an unwanted sexual advance end with a man being dumped into a shallow grave - though we do think it's a great idea for women to know the basics (or more) of self-defense. Failing all else, ladies, just remember that a knee to the nuts is a highly compelling argument.

But rather than violence, we want to speak about the unfortunate effects of holding in a horrible secret for 30 years. This does nothing good for either the psyche of the victim, nor the accuracy of memories related to the actual event. We certainly acknowledge that coming clean at the time of an assault may create shame and embarrassment for the victim; in the case currently under review, the alleged victim said she couldn't tell anyone (least of all her parents) because she had knowingly put herself in harm's way by attending an unchaperoned "party" with older boys and alcohol.

But now, with the passage of so much time, it's simply impossible to know what really happened at that party so long ago and how much the victim's memories have metastasized or been rewritten.

And yet, the Left demands that justice must be done to avenge the complainant's honor, whether it was actually besmirched or not.

Which brings us to A Modest Proposal: the Left wants Kavanaugh punished despite the lack of evidence, the impossibility of investigation, and the expiration - by decades - of any relevant statute of limitations. We therefore suggest that he be sentenced to perform community service to pay back his debt to society in general and women in particular.

Specifically, we think he should be sentenced to lifetime community service...just as quickly as he can be sworn in for his well-deserved seat on the Supreme Court.

BONUS: BROKEBACK MUPPETS

Our "Tempest in a Teapot" Award for the week goes to the minor media brouhaha surrounding an announcement by a former Sesame Street writer that puppet buddies Bert and Ernie were actually gay lovers - at least in the writer's mind (which is never a healthy place to be - trust us on this one).

Sesame Street quickly denied the allegation, making the not inconsequential point that the characters are puppets and not sexualized in any way. The whole subject is, like the bulge in Caitlyn Jenner's knickers, a moot point.

Truthfully, we think the LGBT community should be relieved to hear this. After all, do they really want gay couples to be represented as poorly dressed, constantly bickering, hopelessly dimwitted doofuses who exhibit really bad impulse control along and obsessive fascination in the ABCs, primary colors, and squeaky bath toys? We think not.

Rather, Sesame Street says that the real dynamic between Bert and Ernie is to show us that very different types of people can still be very good friends. And gay or straight, that's a great lesson for all of us.

Getting Gamey

And in the interest of fair play...

An oldie but a goody. The gag, not Stormy.

We live in confusing times. The Left is currently trying to destroy Brett Kavanaugh by painting him as a wannabee rapist (and potential murderer) for perhaps inappropriately touching a girl at a party when they were both in their teens. Which he denies categorically, and we believe him.

But still, in order to be seen as anything but troglodyte sexist pigs, we're supposed to accept the idea that every woman is a gentle flower whose life can be ruined and psyche shattered by an unwanted physical advance. Fine.

But how are we supposed to square that notion in comparison to what the Left's current moral champion, Stormy Daniels, is saying in her new, soon-to-be-discounted book? Referring to her alleged tryst with Donald Trump, she says "I lay there, annoyed that I was getting f*cked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart." Yikes. No gentle flower, she. Yet despite this horrible experience, she hasn't subsequently shown signs of PTSD or the need for counseling.

Our point is that people - yes, even women - have entirely subjective reactions to things which occur in their lives. Reactions which can be radically different even in similar circumstances. And it is these subjective, emotional reactions which often become memories even more than the actual events which inspired them.

Which is why, in the absence of any evidence of wrongdoing, it would be a crime to deny Brett Kavanaugh his seat on the Supreme Court. Where he can safeguard the Constitution which states, however sadly, that it is not a crime for Stormy Daniels to write a sleazy book.