The Sound of Muzak

One would be hard pressed to come up with a way to actually improve the classic "The Sound of Music" (other than by adding singing zombies, of course). Yet Lisa Mars, the principal of a famous New York City performing arts high school, came up with a real doozy of an idea: she ordered the removal of all Nazi emblems and props from the school's presentation about a family running for their very lives from actual Nazis.

This overly sanitized version of the story would be puzzling at best. Rather than have Captain Von Trapp rip a Nazi flag in half, he might simply clutch a handful of Edelweiss to his chest and let loose with a primal scream. The oldest daughter's male love interest couldn't turn up wearing a Nazi uniform, but might terrify audiences showing up in a MAGA hat. And the crucial scene in which the singing Von Trapps are forced to perform on a stage adorned with swastikas would certainly have to be changed - perhaps having the fearful family held at gunpoint while appearing on the Mike Huckabee Show.

According to one student who is marginally more sane than the school's principal, "This is a very liberal school, we're all against Nazis. But to take out the symbol is to try to erase history."

We'll forgive the student for assuming that it's only "very liberal" folks who are against Nazis, and blame it on the bilge she's being exposed to in her "very liberal" school.

Ironically, a portion of the proceeds from the show are supposed to be donated to Holocaust remembrance groups...although it's pretty damn hard to show appropriate "remembrance" for history that's being actively erased.

Fortunately, the principal has been partially overruled by the New York City Department of Education, and a few bits of Nazi regalia will be included in the presentation after suitable trigger warnings have been issued, and smelling salts and fainting couches have been made available to audience members.

The beloved musical asks the question "How do you solve a problem like Maria?" but we think a much more important question is "How do you solve a problem like Principal Mars?"

Many Are Cold, But Few Are Frozen

The days of December are quickly passing, moving us ever deeper into that beloved time of year when liberal nitwits find hilarious new reasons to be offended by anything and everything related to Christmas.

As a case in point, a hue and cry has been raised against the playfully romantic tune "Baby, It's Cold Outside," owing to interpretations that the song is actually about men drugging women and raping them, then casting them aside (perhaps in the snow) while heading for a warm seat on the Supreme Court.

In recent days the easily offended have also been melting down about the stunning red Christmas trees chosen by First Lady Melania Trump to adorn the White House, the "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer" special (because of bullying by the other reindeer), and in all likelihood protesters are taking to the streets because the Three Wise Men didn't also include a "wise Latina."

Then there's the Massachusetts church that has erected a nativity scene with baby Jesus locked in a cage, as a protest against Donald Trump's alleged policy of grabbing newborn saviors at the border and throwing them in the clink. Although frankly, we're betting any kid with a halo who is spotted walking across the Rio Grande will be granted automatic citizenship personally by the President.

There's a lot to be enjoyed about this time of year, including traditions and celebrations both religious and secular. Both of which annoy the heck out of the Left if anyone appears to actually be having fun. So please, progressive snowflakes, just shut your stupid whiny yaps for a few weeks and let the rest of us enjoy ourselves!

Is that cold enough for you...baby?

Efforts to revive her failed since she couldn't give paramedics permission to touch her.

AND ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE...

Our visit to the USS Arizona Memorial in Pearl Harbor was a sobering and unforgettable experience. Similarly, we had an emotional moment when hiking up a mountain trail on the island of Oahu and finding the rusting engine block of a Japanese Zero. The unfortunate pilot, coming in low and fast for the attack, confused a blind alley with the actual mountain pass leading to Pearl Harbor.

That piece of metal, forgotten and nearly hidden by Hawaii's jungle of plant life, spoke eloquently of the events of that awful and fateful day.

Take time today to remember that day of infamy...and to reflect on the fact that freedom is never free.

Stocking Market

Today's post is a little more personal than usual, mostly because the real news is so annoying right now that we'd just rather do some improvisational whining rather than dissect the usual idiocy.

Definitely catching our attention yesterday was the Dow-Jones' nearly 800 point drop, which blew another gaping holio in our portfolio. We're not sure exactly what caused it, though it certainly can't help market confidence when the (ahem) "news" media keeps declaring that Mueller is about to lower the boom on the President of the United States.

In any event, we are not amused - our tech stocks have all gone into "correction" territory (which means they're in prison cells where they get crudely-etched gang tattoos and call the guards "screws")...and we hope things turn around financially soon rather than getting even worse.

Changing subjects, some of you may remember from a few months ago that we had developed an interesting medical condition in which we would spontaneously start break-dancing multiple times over the course of a night. Which made for some decent Youtube video, but not exactly blissful rest.

The good news is that we've ruled out anything serious, but other than that can't quite determine what's going on. It seems that something happened physically, perhaps related to prescription medication, which changed the way our body reacts to stress. Soooo, we're experimenting with new methods of lowering our baseline stress level from its traditional "Defcon One" status.

Our primary effort is "guided meditation," in which a soothing voice tells you to close your eyes, breathe consciously, and picture yourself inside a vast open space with no boundaries and a perfect emptiness, free from awareness of the outside world or even thoughts. Currently, we do this by imagining ourselves floating inside Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's mind. Talk about infinite emptiness.

We also popped for a pair of Oculus Go VR goggles (and like them!), which we're pretty sure we can list as a medical deduction on our taxes as long as we only use them for meditational purposes. Fortunately, one can pretty quickly achieve a pure state of Zen by firing head shots into marauding zombies. Trust us on this one.

Have any other suggestions for de-stressing? We're currently looking for a second, third, and fourth opinion in the comments section - so let's hear what you have to say!