Hired Hams

Don't panic - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez hasn't really been asked to host the Oscars, although if it does happen you read it here first.

Currently, the Oscars have no host lined up after they hired then quickly dumped alleged comedian Kevin Hart, owing to the fact that, some years ago, he made homophobic tweets. Although we'd say they were a little more than just "homophobic." Consider this thought-provoking tweet: "Yo if my son comes home & try's 2 play with my daughters doll house I'm going 2 break it over his head & say n my voice 'stop that's gay.'"

Hart has apologized repeatedly for his tweets in the past, but refused to make a fresh apology under the reasonable assumption that if past apologies didn't count, a new one wouldn't do any good either.

All of this is making it hard for the Oscars to find a Hart transplant for the awards ceremony, owing to the fact that pretty much no celebrity really wants to expose themselves to a potentially career-ending examination of their every word and deed since birth.

The best suggestion we've heard (and we wish we could give credit but we forgot where we saw it) is that Donald Trump should host the event, since the jokes would be about him anyway, and it would be a ratings blockbuster. Frankly, we can't think of anything else that would make us tune in.

And speaking of Trump and hard to fill jobs...

BONUS: OH, SHUT UP

It wasn't our intention to present a trifecta of unbelievably annoying women today, but then we saw Nancy Pelosi's comments (accurately quoted above) following a meeting that she and Chuck Schumer shared with President of the United States Donald Trump.

The idea that this loathsome old colostomy bag will likely again be Speaker of the House makes us feel like we've got skunk tinkle all over us.

The Sound of Muzak

One would be hard pressed to come up with a way to actually improve the classic "The Sound of Music" (other than by adding singing zombies, of course). Yet Lisa Mars, the principal of a famous New York City performing arts high school, came up with a real doozy of an idea: she ordered the removal of all Nazi emblems and props from the school's presentation about a family running for their very lives from actual Nazis.

This overly sanitized version of the story would be puzzling at best. Rather than have Captain Von Trapp rip a Nazi flag in half, he might simply clutch a handful of Edelweiss to his chest and let loose with a primal scream. The oldest daughter's male love interest couldn't turn up wearing a Nazi uniform, but might terrify audiences showing up in a MAGA hat. And the crucial scene in which the singing Von Trapps are forced to perform on a stage adorned with swastikas would certainly have to be changed - perhaps having the fearful family held at gunpoint while appearing on the Mike Huckabee Show.

According to one student who is marginally more sane than the school's principal, "This is a very liberal school, we're all against Nazis. But to take out the symbol is to try to erase history."

We'll forgive the student for assuming that it's only "very liberal" folks who are against Nazis, and blame it on the bilge she's being exposed to in her "very liberal" school.

Ironically, a portion of the proceeds from the show are supposed to be donated to Holocaust remembrance groups...although it's pretty damn hard to show appropriate "remembrance" for history that's being actively erased.

Fortunately, the principal has been partially overruled by the New York City Department of Education, and a few bits of Nazi regalia will be included in the presentation after suitable trigger warnings have been issued, and smelling salts and fainting couches have been made available to audience members.

The beloved musical asks the question "How do you solve a problem like Maria?" but we think a much more important question is "How do you solve a problem like Principal Mars?"

Many Are Cold, But Few Are Frozen

The days of December are quickly passing, moving us ever deeper into that beloved time of year when liberal nitwits find hilarious new reasons to be offended by anything and everything related to Christmas.

As a case in point, a hue and cry has been raised against the playfully romantic tune "Baby, It's Cold Outside," owing to interpretations that the song is actually about men drugging women and raping them, then casting them aside (perhaps in the snow) while heading for a warm seat on the Supreme Court.

In recent days the easily offended have also been melting down about the stunning red Christmas trees chosen by First Lady Melania Trump to adorn the White House, the "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer" special (because of bullying by the other reindeer), and in all likelihood protesters are taking to the streets because the Three Wise Men didn't also include a "wise Latina."

Then there's the Massachusetts church that has erected a nativity scene with baby Jesus locked in a cage, as a protest against Donald Trump's alleged policy of grabbing newborn saviors at the border and throwing them in the clink. Although frankly, we're betting any kid with a halo who is spotted walking across the Rio Grande will be granted automatic citizenship personally by the President.

There's a lot to be enjoyed about this time of year, including traditions and celebrations both religious and secular. Both of which annoy the heck out of the Left if anyone appears to actually be having fun. So please, progressive snowflakes, just shut your stupid whiny yaps for a few weeks and let the rest of us enjoy ourselves!

Is that cold enough for you...baby?

Efforts to revive her failed since she couldn't give paramedics permission to touch her.

AND ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE...

Our visit to the USS Arizona Memorial in Pearl Harbor was a sobering and unforgettable experience. Similarly, we had an emotional moment when hiking up a mountain trail on the island of Oahu and finding the rusting engine block of a Japanese Zero. The unfortunate pilot, coming in low and fast for the attack, confused a blind alley with the actual mountain pass leading to Pearl Harbor.

That piece of metal, forgotten and nearly hidden by Hawaii's jungle of plant life, spoke eloquently of the events of that awful and fateful day.

Take time today to remember that day of infamy...and to reflect on the fact that freedom is never free.