Brain Drained

Don't worry, you're not failing to get the "joke" above because there basically isn't one. We just needed to fill some space today, liked the picture, and added what amounts to a non sequitur of a word balloon.

Oh, we THOUGHT about trying to make it vaguely relevant by calling the critter "Alpaca Ocasio-Cortez" who wants everything to take a hard turn to the left, but once we've called the beast an Alpaca, it screws up the double-l Llama joke. Who knew that comedy was both art and science?

All of which is way too much explanation (and an implied apology) for not having anything more substantive today. The "news" is just stupid and unsubstantial, as is pretty much always the case these days, and leaves us frustrated.

Meanwhile, it sounds like the Dems are going to have a supersized subpoena party, dragging in for questioning everyone Donald Trump has ever interacted with in hopes of building a case for impeachment. To which we say "fie upon them!" And we're not talking about fresh fie, either - but rotten, maggot-infested fie, mixed with sharp bits of gravel and thrown with considerable force.

Meanwhile, President Trump remains unbowed and just gave a two-hour barn burner of a speech which we didn't technically listen to, but in principle we're glad that he's still hugging the American flag and giving the Leftists hell. Which is what they so richly deserve.

Another reason we're not being very productive today (unless you count the phlegm still spraying about the room from our ongoing bronchial cough) is that we just finished doing our taxes, which always leaves us brain dead for several days.

Thanks to Trump's tax reductions (especially the increased standard deduction this year), there was no need for us to itemize every infinitesimal little transaction we made all year. Which, of course, we didn't know for sure until we'd fed every freaking receipt into Turbotax, and gotten a cheery computer message saying "Wow! You could have skipped all of this!"

Interestingly, our total net business income for the year came out to about $1200, yet at the same time, our Medicare payments have tripled because the government believes us to be members of the Evil Rich (based on returns from a couple years ago).

We choose to find this mildly amusing, especially after about three shots of Clan MacGregor. Which, by the way, is not the top choice of Scotch among the Evil Rich.

And with that, we'll shut up and throw the comments section open for YOUR observations about the news, the world, the weekend, or anything else you want to talk about. Someone throw us a lifeline here...!

Congressional Testy Moaning

The question everyone in America should be asking right now.

Politicians and alleged newscasters have been shocked, shocked, by the carefully choreographed Congressional testimony of prison-bound, disbarred, sleazeball former Trump attorney, Michael Cohen.

Disclaimer: we haven't really trained our laser-like focus on said testimony because (and we want to put this as delicately as possible) circle-jerks may be fun for participants but offer very little to outside observers.

To the best of our nearly nonexistent knowledge, Cohen hasn't produced a single substantive charge against Trump, other than to allege that the President is egotistical, sometimes uses bad language, puzzlingly finds porn stars and Playboy playmates attractive (and would rather that his wife not find out), that he's a wheeler-dealer, and that he believes some starving, corrupt, disease-ridden countries are "shitholes."

Of course, Cohen has hinted at much more and much worse. Which could be really problematic if hints from a serial liar carried any legal weight. But they don't. Still, that hasn't prevented pointless exchanges like this during testimony:

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz: Is it possible that (Trump's) whole family is conflicted or compromised with a foreign adversary in the months before an election?
Cohen (reading from script): Yes.

Wow! And is it possible that Debbie Wasserman-Schultz uses still-warm pureed fetuses in the shower to make her hair wavy? Also yes! Isn't "possible" a wonderful word?

The Left gleefully believes that if Donald Trump can be proven guilty of anything - no matter how slight - that by extension he's guilty of everything and can be impeached and removed from office. But they're forgetting that for many of us who voted for Trump, his character flaws have been known from the start and weren't considered disqualifiers for the filthy, stinking job that absolutely needed doing. And which he's doing pretty darn well.

BONUS: WHAT A DEALDO

While the Left was busy trying to sabotage the President of the United States, the President himself was in Vietnam trying to strike a nuclear disarmament deal with North Korea's Kim Jong Un.

It is "possible" (we told you we like that word!) that Kim was aware of the attempted stateside tar-and-feathering of Mr. Trump, and decided that it would give him a leg up at the bargaining table. Which is why, when the vicious little despot announced that he wasn't willing to put anything substantive on the bargaining table, he was probably shocked by Trump's announcement that the summit was over and that he was leaving immediately without even staying for the fancy diplomatic lunch.

Frankly, we think Mr. Trump handled this situation perfectly. There was never any guarantee of a deal, but Trump at least brought Kim to the table and, once the situation became clear, made him look like a petulant little jackass.

Compare this to the years of ineffectual ass-kissing we saw from Barack Obama (with North Korea and especially Iran), and we're definitely putting this one into the "win" category for the President.

Her "Owe" Face

Some might accuse us of making a cheap joke by mocking Alibaba Ocrazio-Corkboardz yet again, but there's actually nothing cheap about it.  Because the American Action Forum just tallied up the expenses associated with the freshman Congresswoman's "Green New Deal" and come up with a final cost of $93 trillion.

Of which, the amount you'll personally owe will be between $361,010 and $653,010 over a 10 year period. Which might sound like a lot of money, but in fairness is less than a tenth of what you'll receive from Netflix in return for the rights to your inspiring life story. Well, if you're a wild-eyed young socialist who can't do math.

If, on the other hand, you're a typical American who actually works for money, those sums may be somewhat more difficult to come up with since, during that same 10 year period, your home and workplace will both be demolished- eventually to be replaced with more energy-efficient structures built by illegal workers with union-mandated siesta times.

But at least the fossil fuel-free future will be bright for our children and grandchildren. Or would be, if we were allowed to have any. Because AOC (as she is called) has also suggested that humans stop procreating owing to the adverse effect those damn babies will have on climate change.

Meaning, to paraphrase "The Princess Bride," every aspect of her Green New Deal is literally "inconceivable."

BONUS: SCARLETT O'HARA IS THE NEW BLACK

We sincerely applaud entertainer Bill Porter for wearing a stunning tuxedo-gown to this year's Oscar Awards ceremony. Not because it's a great look for every guy (though Porter actually pulls it off pretty well), but because we think this single photo is the perfect negation of the falsified image of a dangerously racist and homophobic America which was recently propagated by Jussie Smollet and legions of Fake News people, celebrities, and social justice warriors.

The reality is that our nation is more accepting than any other on Earth. And when a gay black man can wear a gown to a prestigious public event while accompanied by his husband without fear of reprisal, it's because, in the words of Rhett Butler, "frankly, the American people don't give a damn."

That's actually worth celebrating, and not the worst possible finish for an otherwise regrettable Black History Month.