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Friday, May 3, 2019

Poking the Barr

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, mueller report, barr, senate hearing, treason, obama

Oscar Wilde was not a man you wanted on your bad side. A man of great intellect, piercing wit, and the gift of absolutely devastating quips, Wilde could eviscerate his opponents and critics using only his razor-sharp tongue.

Still, when Wilde was confronted by braying trolls who were mentally unequipped to appreciate the subtleties of his scathing rhetoric, we'd like to imagine that he would instead wait for the buffoons in a darkened alley with a nail-studded truncheon and give them a sound thrashing about the head and shoulders to more effectively point out the errors in their blighted logic.

And this is the position we find ourselves in today, at least rhetorically. Because after watching what the Senate Democrats did on Wednesday to Attorney General Barr, a good and honorable man, we find ourselves without much of a sense of humor today. Our thoughts are instead drifting towards more kinetic and unconventional procedures for restoring something like decorum, dignity, and common decency to the Grand Guignol proceedings in Washington.

"Questioners" (who had very few actual questions, but a lot of unsubstantiated accusations and insults) included presidential wannabees like Cory Booker and Kamala Harris, as well as some
ilio wahine from Hawaii whose only conceivable public service to the people of her stinking, socialist island would involve appeasing the volcano gods with a personal sacrifice. And yes, she's old - but based on her appearance and personality, we're guessing that she still meets the one mandatory requirement for the job (wink-wink, nudge-nudge).

See, we're still trying to joke here...but what we really feel is an all-consuming anger at these smug and morally vacuous liars and hypocrites. These are people who are still - STILL - trying to pull off a Presidential coup d'etat in the United States of America. Which isn't something that any of us should take lightly...or forgivingly.

It is our great hope that Attorney General Barr, who endured the appalling partisan abuse with great poise and intelligence, will use this despicable incident to stoke his own internal fires...the ones whose flames will soon be roaring under the feet of many in the Obama administration, the Clinton circle, and the traitorous intelligence agencies that did their best to end our nation's democracy.

All of them
need to be brought to trial by Mr. Barr. And after due process has been carried out and verdicts reached, appropriate punishment must be meted out. Even if, per today's cartoon, what's "appropriate" may involve bringing back some historical methodologies which lacked subtlety, but clearly demonstrated that treason is not a game you want to play and lose.

BONUS: DEMOCRAT HOUSE MEMBER TOTALLY EATS IT

On Thursday, Attorney General Barr decided against attending a second day of crucifixion, this time at the hands of House Democrats, which prompted one representative - a friggin' dolt who has probably never heard of Oscar Wilde - to sit and sloppily munch Kentucky Fried Chicken to show that Barr was - get this - a chicken for not showing up. Chicken - get it?! Hilarious, right?!

But it made us wonder, where would an obvious moron get such an idea...?

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, mueller report, barr hearing, house, KFC, chicken, asshole

Wednesday, May 1, 2019

Hat Trick

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, biden, make america moral again, mama, groping joe, prongs

Up until now, we haven't really taken Gropin' Joe Biden's presidential campaign seriously, but now that we've heard his new slogan...well...we still can't take him seriously.

Best known for fondling and shnuzzling women and children, Biden announced on ABC's "Good Morning America" that his motto will be "Make America Moral Again." Which, admittedly, he can make a lot of progress on just by handcuffing his meaty paws to his belt for the next few months.

Biden also said that "unity" would be one of the three "major prongs" of his campaign. When added to "morality," that leaves his third major prong somewhat of a mystery - but we're not about to ask him about it, for fear of getting stung by the infamous "one eared elephant" trick he likes to pull on little girls.

And speaking of the fairer sex...

ALOHA SANDBAR

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, sports illustrated, pilot, burkini, hijab, swimsuit edition

Sports Illustrated has announced that their 2019 Swimsuit edition, best known for showing voluptuous women modeling dental floss, is making history by including a model wearing a hijab and "burkini" - a full body covering which, when completely saturated, pretty much assures that the wearer will sink like a stone. Which, presumably, is better than being stoned for having an exposed belly button.

The young Somali-American model from (surprise!) Minnesota is unquestionably attractive, and her colorful outfits are appealing even if entirely impractical for anything remotely like swimming. Which perhaps explains why she's photographed frollicking in an inch of water like a flopping fish...


We understand and even support the idea of inclusiveness, but find this particular example to be an uncomfortable hypocrisy. It's hard to interpret the hijab and burkini as anything other than condemnations of the stone-worthy women who are modeling more revealing swimsuits.

Plus, Sports Illustrated could work with we cultural troglodytes at least a little; in explaining their editorial decision, they say "we strive to continue to spread the message that whether you are wearing a one-piece, a two-piece, or a burkini, you are the pilot of your own beauty."

Post 9/11, they just might want to go easy on the "pilot" metaphors.

Monday, April 29, 2019

Whined and Dined

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