Direct Current Events

To paraphrase Robert Mueller, if we had confidence that AOC clearly did not blow out the power in Manhattan with a fork, we would have said so. And just for the moment, we want to savor the mental image of a befuddled, soot-faced Cortez sitting flat-ass on the carpet, staring at the still-smoking fork in her hand, and asking "Wha' happened?"

Which is also our reaction to the current news cycle, about which we'll give our quick takes:

• Rep Ilhan Omar declares herself to be more patriotic than American-born citizens.
That's really an offensive and outrageous statement and someone should do something about it...

• Trump tweets that Ilhan Omar should go back to Africa. *

We're not sure that's the "something" we were referring to, but for now we'll take it.

• 500,000 people plan to storm Area 51.

They want to prove the government is concealing alien technologies like death rays and disintegrator beams, but clearly haven't thought through just how that might play out.

• Chuck Schumer attacks Donald Trump over Jim Acosta's handling of Clinton friend Jeffrey Epstein.

To which we say, "Oh, STFU Chuck." On a side note, if serial pedophile Epstein really has been arranging for the rich and powerful to engage in underage sex, we hope ALL of them get revealed and thrown in the hoosegow.

• Armed idiot who attacked immigrant detention center with gun and fire bombs is shot dead by police.

The 69-year-old social activist, perhaps inspired by an anti-ICE demonstration hours before, was attempting to set fire to detention center buildings and vehicles, but failed to ignite a propane tank bomb before being riddled with bullets from four police officers. Flames he had started were quickly extinguished - presumably using water from the toilets of thirsty immigrants.

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* CORRECTION: We got duped on the Trump tweet because so many "news" outlets were reporting that he tweeted "go back to Africa." Here's what he actually tweeted about legislators who have huge problems with our country: "Why don't they go back and help fix the totally broken and crime infested places from which they came - then come back and show us how."

Missing Inaction

Actually, we've improved quite a bit but not quite enough to do a real post today. We'll do our best to keep up with you in the comments, though!

UPDATE: OKAY, MAYBE ONE CARTOON...

Do Me A Solid

We're making good progress with the Diverticulitis and have been given permission to drink "full liquids" (think chocolate Ensure, which is served in all of your really upscale nursing homes) and cautiously start the BRAT diet (Bananas, Rice, Applesauce,  and Toast). Honest-to-gosh solid foods are still some distance in our future, which is why we're sharing these actual recipe cards from the past as a reminder that solid food sometimes isn't all that it's cracked up to be...

Yeah, suddenly the chocolate Ensure and dry white toast don't look so bad!

R.I.P. ROSS PEROT

That soft sucking sound is other politicians on the government teat

We're saddened to learn of the passing of Ross Perot, for whom we once cast a Presidential vote. Long before anyone was paying attention to Donald Trump, billionaire businessman and political outsider Perot drew enthusiastic crowds with his honesty, patriotism, pragmatism, and straight-talking approach.

Even after his failed Presidential bid, Perot did a lot for America. He will be missed.

BONUS: NOT SO LITTLE WHITE LIE

Okay, we thought we were done for the day, but we had to create a cartoon after hearing what Nancy Pelosi said about President Trump's "real" reason for wanting the census to give accurate counts of citizens and non-citizens in America.