Monday, July 15, 2019
Direct Current Events
To paraphrase Robert Mueller, if we had confidence that AOC clearly did not blow out the power in Manhattan with a fork, we would have said so. And just for the moment, we want to savor the mental image of a befuddled, soot-faced Cortez sitting flat-ass on the carpet, staring at the still-smoking fork in her hand, and asking "Wha' happened?"
Which is also our reaction to the current news cycle, about which we'll give our quick takes:
• Rep Ilhan Omar declares herself to be more patriotic than American-born citizens.
That's really an offensive and outrageous statement and someone should do something about it...
• Trump tweets that Ilhan Omar should go back to Africa. *
We're not sure that's the "something" we were referring to, but for now we'll take it.
• 500,000 people plan to storm Area 51.
They want to prove the government is concealing alien technologies like death rays and disintegrator beams, but clearly haven't thought through just how that might play out.
• Chuck Schumer attacks Donald Trump over Jim Acosta's handling of Clinton friend Jeffrey Epstein.
To which we say, "Oh, STFU Chuck." On a side note, if serial pedophile Epstein really has been arranging for the rich and powerful to engage in underage sex, we hope ALL of them get revealed and thrown in the hoosegow.
• Armed idiot who attacked immigrant detention center with gun and fire bombs is shot dead by police.
The 69-year-old social activist, perhaps inspired by an anti-ICE demonstration hours before, was attempting to set fire to detention center buildings and vehicles, but failed to ignite a propane tank bomb before being riddled with bullets from four police officers. Flames he had started were quickly extinguished - presumably using water from the toilets of thirsty immigrants.
* CORRECTION: We got duped on the Trump tweet because so many "news" outlets were reporting that he tweeted "go back to Africa." Here's what he actually tweeted about legislators who have huge problems with our country: "Why don't they go back and help fix the totally broken and crime infested places from which they came - then come back and show us how."
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg at 12:01 AM