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Monday, July 15, 2019

Direct Current Events

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, AOC, Trump, Omar, blackout, Area 51

To paraphrase Robert Mueller, if we had confidence that AOC clearly did not blow out the power in Manhattan with a fork, we would have said so. And just for the moment, we want to savor the mental image of a befuddled, soot-faced Cortez sitting flat-ass on the carpet, staring at the still-smoking fork in her hand, and asking "Wha' happened?"

Which is also our reaction to the current news cycle, about which we'll give our quick takes:

• Rep Ilhan Omar declares herself to be more patriotic than American-born citizens.
That's really an offensive and outrageous statement and someone should do something about it...

• Trump tweets that Ilhan Omar should go back to Africa. *

We're not sure that's the "something" we were referring to, but for now we'll take it.

500,000 people plan to storm Area 51.

They want to prove the government is concealing alien technologies like death rays and disintegrator beams, but clearly haven't thought through just how that might play out.

• Chuck Schumer attacks Donald Trump over Jim Acosta's handling of Clinton friend Jeffrey Epstein.

To which we say, "Oh, STFU Chuck." On a side note, if serial pedophile Epstein really has been arranging for the rich and powerful to engage in underage sex, we hope ALL of them get revealed and thrown in the hoosegow.

• Armed idiot who attacked immigrant detention center with gun and fire bombs is shot dead by police.

The 69-year-old social activist, perhaps inspired by an anti-ICE demonstration hours before, was attempting to set fire to detention center buildings and vehicles, but failed to ignite a propane tank bomb before being riddled with bullets from four police officers. Flames he had started were quickly extinguished - presumably using water from the toilets of thirsty immigrants.

---------

* CORRECTION: We got duped on the Trump tweet because so many "news" outlets were reporting that he tweeted "go back to Africa." Here's what he actually tweeted about legislators who have huge problems with our country: "Why don't they go back and help fix the totally broken and crime infested places from which they came - then come back and show us how."

45 comments:

Old Cannonballs said...

Welcome back Stilt. You keep us sane. Let's hope it's not at the cost of your own sanity.

"And if ever, by some unlucky chance, anything unpleasant should somehow happen, why, there's always soma to give you a holiday from the facts. And there's always soma to calm your anger, to reconcile you to your enemies, to make you patient and long-suffering. In the past you could only accomplish these things by making a great effort and after years of hard moral training. Now, you swallow two or three half-gramme tablets, and there you are. Anybody can be virtuous now. You can carry at least half your morality about in a bottle." -- Aldous Huxley, Brave New World.

Apropos of nothing. Dang. Maybe it's too late.

Well, anyway, you almost succeeded in keeping me sane, and I'll bet you've pulled it off for others. But you have to stay sane for the rest of us. And Clan MacGregor is a fine compromise between soma and squat.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

"Shocking. Positively shocking." -one of 007's best quips ever.

Omar et al: Again, it's distressing to think Nancy Pelosi's the adult in the room.

Area 51: Self correcting problem, I should think. Have Saint Charles Darwin stand by to call them home.

Epstein and Co: The sooner they're locked up for good with someone named "Bubba", the better for the nation.

Armed idiot: Again, a self correcting problem.

Sortahwitte said...

Armed Idiot: I love a story with a happy ending.

Anonymous said...

Hope you are feeling much better. Take care, you are missed when you don't have an article. mary ann creason-rohde

Velveeta Processed Cheese Food said...

Glad to have back at top form. I, too, have had to make some fundamental changes in how I eat, with a profound reduction in satisfaction. By the way, I love all of the Christopher Guest mockumentaries.

Dan said...

Wow. Glad you're better and back in the saddle.

REM1875 said...

And about the ICE attacker who got iced .....
'John Brown Gun Clubs' ---- apparently they missed the part on the final meeting at Harper's Ferry of the original one...Or the elevation (with short drop) of the club leader ?
And this time they certainly are NOT hoping for a slave (us working stiffs) rebellion ...that's why this time they are trying to disarm us......

REM1875 said...

The though of occasional-cortex flat on her back, wearing a smoking, smoldering Afro. holding charred stainless steel, 15 feet from a blackened outlet, with nothing to say is a pleasant one I must admit...

Brie Camembert said...

I'm shocked I tell you. Shocked!

Fish Out of Water said...

While inwardly, the latest Presidential Tweet fills me with glee, it was not a smart move.

The neo-Gang of Four now can/are claiming victimhood and perhaps putting those who were questioning why they should remain in Congress, back in the Gang of Four's camp.

The President should have let these four punks continue to destroy themselves.

Fish Out of Water said...

PS the loser in Seattle, was not a 'social activist', but a criminal/domestic terrorist.

Sniperbait66Actual said...

I think there's already enough evidence to prove them all to be rife with Seditious "intent".
AOC is under investigation for funneling nearly a Million Dollars into her boyfriend's Companies.
Then we have the Bigamist Slut who also married her Brother as well as his Goat Sex Toy: Jamala Balalabad.
Let's get those Recall Petitions written folks!
Concerning Faux Noose, are those Congressional districts inhabited by Americans or illegal alien Demoncrats. Let's have those districts investigated NOW!!

Something smells like San Francisco in those places!

Jess said...

Although it would be tragic, it would be something to see when the protectors of Area 51 vaporize the entire bunch, when they storm the fences.

james daily said...

On Area 51, "...at the time of writing, 1,000,000 users have signed up to attend the event.." (7/14) Best be careful, Use of lethal force is authorized. For fun,google up Area 51 Warning Signs.
On the ICE guy that got iced, me thinks that was suicide by cops as what he was attempting was pretty useless.
Good job today Stilt, but should have included the best news yet, The new James Bond will be a black female. Will we have fun with that.

Geoff King said...

Considering our entire nation's power grid is antiquated and delapidated, blackouts like the one in Manhattan are only going to occur more frequently and become more widespread.
I have driven near area 51. It is amazing how rapidly Humvees and Apache choppers converge on your location if you get too close.

Geoff King said...

On the Epstein fiasco: Interesting that the MSM is labeling that scumbag "Trump's buddy", when all he did was accept one flight on Epstein's plane (in the country, not to Pedophile Island) and later banned the man from his resort after he reportedly abused an underage girl.
Meanwhile, Bill Clinton flew to the island more than two dozen times, but claims he had no idea what was going on there. Which raises the question: how the hell did Clinton get elected president with an apparent IQ of only 60 or so?

Alfonso Bedoya said...

Just heard on Varney & Company: At a Colorado detention center, protestors lowered the American flag, spray-painted painted "Abolish ICE" on it, turned the flag upside-down, raised it, then capped off the outrageous act by flying it next to a MEXICAN flag. If I had been there, I would have been pummeled and probably hospitalized for kicking some ass, then being jailed. I'm f**king 82 years old a veteran, and so angry at our government's encouraging such treacherous acts that virtually tell us REAL Americans to "Go to Hell." I'm fed up with being "nice." I hope I am coming in loud and clear.

I never thought I could hate these BASTARDS, but I do now, and for the best of reasons. I'm pissed off, and---pardon me---I'm headed to my barn to re-load some cartridges for my AR-15 (now virtually outlawed in Mexifornia). My wife and I moved three months ago to Arizona to escape the ravages of the insane far-left CA state government and the gulag I faced merely for wanting to protect ourselves.

Jack Colby said...

@Old Cannonballs

Those pills are blue, yes?

TrickyRicky said...

@Alfonso Bedoya- Yep, a truly disgusting situation in Aurora, CO. I heard on the radio this morning that the Aurora police chief, whose employees directed traffic rather than arrest perpetrators, was formerly assistant chief in Seattle. Colorado has been subverted more quickly than Obama subverted the federal government. So sad.

Jack Colby said...

@Geoff King

I don't think Bill Clinton's IQ is 60. But he seems to think everyone else's is.

Anonymous said...

Best comment on Area 51 ever.
Can't say I've worked there, but the Air Force has some nifty toys when the job needs to be done.

--mech

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Old Cannonballs- I must admit, after reading Huxley's "ad" for Soma, it sounds inviting. Then again, it would be redundant - I'm already on a couple of "happy" meds. Which I still can't wash down with Clan MacGregor for another couple of weeks. But all in all, I'm about as sane as I've ever been - which isn't a really high bar to clear (grin).

@M. Mitchell Marmel- We're in agreement.

@Sortahwitte- The late moron is being celebrated as a brave soldier and martyr on the Left. Give me a friggin' break.

@mary ann creason-rohde- I am feeling much better, thanks! And it doesn't seem like the news has gotten any less stupid in the interim.

@Velveeta Processed Cheese Food- Sorry about the "fundamental changes" in your diet, since doctors so rarely say "I think you need more cake and potato chips." As far as satisfaction goes, here's a handy hint: go on an all liquid diet for a week, after which you'll find even a saltine cracker unbelievably satisfying!

@Dan- If one moves to a saddle from the (porcelain) throne, is it considered a promotion?

@REM1875- It's a bit too late, but I think the guy setting fire to official vehicles found out that it's a lot safer to do it in the middle of a crowd of protesters rather than when you're all by yourself and there's no one else in the crossfire.

@Brie Camembert- If Claude Rains had never said another line in the movies, he would still be remembered.

@Fish Out of Water- Oh, the tweet by Trump was definitely not a smart move, but that ship sailed a long time ago. We may, indeed, be living in post-smart times. So I'm just enjoying the hyperventilating that he's causing. Regarding the late fire bomber, I only called him a "social activist" to identify his political persuasion.

@Sniperbait66Actual- Considering the fact that we STILL don't have anyone in jail for the Russian Collusion / Trump Coup affair, I think it unlikely that anyone will get tried for sedition, though I agree a solid case could be made.

@Jess- I've seen enough science fiction to know how disintegrators work; you get hit with a beam, you glow for a moment, and when the light dies down there's just a pile of ash. Storming the place that has them never works.

That being said, in all seriousness I'd love to know what's really at Area 51. There's enough weird evidence out there that I'm actually pretty open minded on the subject of UFOs.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@james daily- In the past, those guarding Area 51 have shown no sense of humor about their job. If the base is actually hiding anything extraordinary, it's only logical that they have extraordinary (even if terrestrial) defenses. I predict that no more than 50 people, if that, actually try to approach the base. None will even get close.

And regarding the new black female James Bond, I think that's a bit of a misnomer. I've read that she'll be the new "007" but not "James Bond." His number is simply reassigned to her as he exits (or tries to exit) the service.

@Geoff King- Our power grid is something I genuinely worry about. A really big solar flare or an EMP attack by a pipsqueak enemy would end the United States as we know it, with millions of deaths. Why we aren't working 24/7 to harden the grid baffles and depresses me.

And you're right that the media is working overtime to somehow pin Epstein's many crimes on Trump. That's why I can't take anything in the "news" seriously anymore.

@Alfonso Bedoya- Tearing down the American flag and raising the Mexican flag doesn't exactly say "we want to assimilate" does it? Frankly, I wish these protesters had gotten an "Area 51" style response on the spot. As you suggest, the authorities actually encourage such acts by not acting firmly enough.

@Jack Colby- Hey, Bob Dole swore by them.

@TrickyRicky- The former police chief of Seattle?! Much becomes clear...

@Jack Colby- Bill Clinton has a genius for politics and getting laid, but not much else. By the way, that's ONE talent, not two: both are seduction.

@mech- I had a friend (now departed, albeit not suspiciously) whose late husband worked out there and told her of doing back engineering on something really, really interesting. And if the Men in Black are reading this, she didn't give me any details beyond that.

Pat Cummings said...

@Fish Out of Water: Heaven forfend President Trump should offend anyone by suggesting that a Somali immigrant wishing for Sharia law and a totalitarian government should go back to Somalia (next door to Kenya, BTW) where it already exists.

John the Econ said...

Ilhan Omar: Once again, it's really hard to understand how the woman who claims to love America more than I do wants to turn in into something less America and more Somalia.

Trump's Comment: Of course, the left has gone apoplectic over Trump's supposedly racist proclamation of what most people think when they hear Ilhan speak of this supposedly awful country. If Trump had suggested that a Russian should return to Russia if they're not happy here, would that be racist too?

The 500,000 people who "plan" to storm Area 51: First of all, these are "social media" proclamations. And if social media is good for anything, it's a space for people to proclaim what they may feel about anything at any particular moment but aren't particularly dedicated to actually do anything about. My guess is that about 50 people will show up. And the few of those who actually proceed to do what they say will eventually end up with probes up their butts, albiet from extraterrestrials.

Chuck Schumer on Clinton, um, no, Democrat friend Jeffrey Epstein: As usual, Schumer is projecting. He's one of the long list of recipients of Jeffrey Epstein's political donations that almost exclusively went to Democrats. Late last week, the Democrats and their media sycophants were working overtime to somehow make this a Trump scandal. Seems that Trump really did have a connection to Epstein, but only in the sense that he kicked him off of his properties when Trump figured out what Epstein was up to.

As for what will happen to those "guests of Epstein", I'm not getting too excited. The current indictment is limited to what happened at Epstein's properties in Florida & New York, and not his private jet or infamous "orgy island". For those excited about Bill Clinton's dozens of trips on the "Lolita Express", remember what I've been saying for decades now:

The Clinton's deal with Satan preclude any legal repercussions for their crimes in this lifetime.

The Armed idiot who attacked the immigrant detention center: Once again, proof that accusations that "incendiary rhetoric" that supposedly induces people to violence only applies to conservatives. If you're a leftist, you can say or do whatever you like to incite violence and when it happens, it won't be blamed on you. I have yet to hear any suggestion that the over-the-top nonsense from AOC and her cohort had any effect whatsoever of motivating this whackjob to do what he did.

John the Econ said...

What I find more interesting about Epstein: Jeffery Epstein presented himself as a big-time "hedge fund manager". However, the club of billionaire "big-time hedge fund managers" is relatively small where everyone either knows everyone else and what the others are doing if they're not actually doing business with each other. But in the "big-time hedge fund managers" world, nobody knew what Epstein was actually doing to make his supposed billions.

I went to my institutional brokers, to their trading desks and asked if they ever traded with him... Not one institutional trading desk, primary or secondary, had ever traded with Epstein’s firm.”

Speculation is that Epstein was never a hedge fund manager at all, but a high-end blackmailer. He'd set up very wealthy individuals in very embarrassing situations that they simply could not afford to let become public. But instead of simply demanding a large sum of money as payoff, he'd demand a very, very large sum of money to be "invested" with him in exchange for a hefty annual fee, just like an actual hedge fund would do. Epstein would simply deposit the money in some safe and simple market index fund and then skim a percentage off it as his income.

It's quite brilliant and elegant in its simplicity. For one thing, whenever one individual cuts a high-dollar check to another individual, the banks are obligated to file a report and the IRS will take notice. "What did he do to earn that, and how should it be taxed?" But if a billionaire "invests" a large sum of money with you, and then then you collect a fee, everything appears normal and on the up-and-up.

Now, consider this: Imagine if the "inevitable" had happened and Hillary had been elected. As much money as Epstein was making off of his "hedge fund", what kind of money would he have been able to make had he had a President in his back pocket? Do you think that we'd be hearing about any of this now? The money from the deals he'd have been making today would have made the money flowing through the Clinton Foundation look like petty cash.

It's my hope that Epstein's arrest is just but a small part of the "swamp clearing" that we'd have never seen or known of otherwise.

John the Econ said...

Ooops, a minor yet salient correction to what I wrote above:

My guess is that about 50 people will show up. And the few of those who actually proceed to do what they say will eventually end up with probes up their butts, albeit not by extraterrestrials.

REM1875 said...

The odd thing is that I thought most of these "people" were FROM Area 51 so I am unclear on this .....

CenTexTim said...

Here's one more current event that boggles the mind.

A California school board has voted on the fate of an expansive mural dedicated to the life of George Washington: It's demeaning – destroy it.

Included in the insanity is this little tidbit: "Painting over it will cost at least $600,000, which includes an environmental impact assessment..."

Setting aside for the moment the destruction of a possibly unsettling to some, but undeniably historic work of art that provides the opportunity for several 'teaching moments,' think about the absurdly high cost of doing so - $600,000 to whitewash (oops, excuse me, I didn't mean to be racist) a 1600 square foot wall. That works out to $375 per square foot. I'll gladly do the job for half that.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Instead, I think I'll just have another cup of "coffee"...

Fred Ciampi said...

Welcome back from the horrors of diverticulitis Stilt.

I have a fantasy; Pelosi and company, the California royalty, the New York royalty, and several thousand more all storm area 51 and about 100 A10 Thunderbolts come out of the sky with their 30MM Gau30s blazing. Oh, sweet orgasm.

Fantasy number two; Kneepads Clinton, Epstein, and a few dozen more being led away in handcuffs while wearing orange jump suits. Oh, sweet orgasm #2.

Old 1811 said...

I don't think it's "Jim" Acosta's handling of the Epstein case that's getting everyone's panties in a twist, it's "Alex" Acosta's.
I hope there's video of the attack on Area 51. I've got the corn in the popper.
About the "new 007": She's not the new James Bond; she's James Bond's replacement after he retires. So it's fairly realistic. (When I retired, my company cell phone number was taken by an African American female. I hope it didn't confuse anyone.)
And I won't boycott the movie, either. I don't care who plays a fictional replacement for a fictional character. I'll have to investigate further. Especially if she gets naked.

Navyvet said...

As for the Antifa idiot getting killed. Hurray! One less loser sucking at the public trough.

Sortahwitte said...

If those morons are really going to "hit the beach" at area 51, I must get my dvd recorder set up and be ready. I think the description "they were swatted like big, old, slow blow-flies" might be a just description of this exercise in mass suicide. I really would like to encourage them with a hearty cheer: Go get'm, losers. Die, you gravy sucking pigs!

igor said...

Darn! Only one armed libtard moron got killed?

We have a lot more to go!!

If the 'tards want to storm Area 51, be prepared for some MAJOR hurt on the part of the Useful Idiots. You'd best believe there's at least one intelligence agent (okay... spy) in the crowd from some Foreign Gubmint that is hostile to us. Not to mention some of the Libtards will willingly speak about what they see.

Nope. Not gonna happen.

A for Epstein and Acosta, they deserve each other. And Gorka was brilliant the other night telling the (supposedly) "reporter" to go pound sand. What a punk!
*snort*

Boligat said...

Round up all the illegals and put them on buses. Let them out at the gates to Area 51 and tell them run for buildings. If we are in luck, those that make it there will be put on UFOs and flown to Mars. Then let AOC and squad go ask about the illegals and then ship them off to Mars, too. One way ticket. Even Pelosi will be grateful.

Valvenator said...

You reap what you sow.
When they line you up at the wall because it's their turn
to take power you have no one to blame but yourself.
I don't think the old geezers realize there's a new commie movement.
It's there to replace the old guard with fresh faces, or is that feces?
After all, when it comes to socialism everyone's a Brown Shirt.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Pat Cummings- Which is why Somalia is a Shithole.

@John the Econ- Great stuff, and I'm particularly interested in finding out if Jeffrey Epstein really has made his fortune via blackmail. Not that I'd have any sympathy for his blackmail "victims."

@REM1875- Forget about finding out what's in Area 51. I want to know what's in Heinz 57!

@CenTexTim- Oh, sure - it doesn't seem like it should cost $600,000 to paint over a mural, but don't forget that it includes an "environmental impact study" which will determine how much damage the Earth will sustain by changing the color of painted walls. Seriously, how does ANY damn thing get done in California?

@Fred Ciampi- Those are both fine fantasies!

@Old 1811- Your interest in a potentially nekkid female 007 makes me think of the classic (well, unique) film "Double Agent 73" starring Chesty Morgan as the spy with a 73-inch bust. She had...a license to thrill!

@Navyvet- I hope this Antifa nitwit's kinetic demise causes some of his friends to rethink their tactics.

@Sortahwitte- In the unlikely event one million people DID try to storm Area 51, I'm guessing that thousands would die just from the human stampede (especially when gunfire breaks out and those in front try to retreat). Seriously, it seems like every year there's a big body count of people killed just trying to visit Mecca at a strolling pace, let alone charging.

@igor- I really enjoyed the exchange between the "reporter" and Gorka. I'd like to see more such interactions!

@Boligat- Brilliant!

@Valvenator- I was pleased to hear Lindsey Graham refer to the "squad" of four offended female congresspersons as "communists." Maybe some of Trump's directness is rubbing off?

Sortahwitte said...

@REM1875, No, I don't think you really want to know about Heinz 57. Sorta like making sausage.

Anonymous said...

As for as the ComIntern Squad - I think Trump just tricked the Dem's into wiring a dead chicken around their own Party's neck. They have no choice now but to wear it till it rots off. Their hoping their howls will distract from the smell.

As to Area 51 - of the million signed up maybe a thousand will actually show. Of that 1000 maybe a hundred will have actually googled what they are facing, a 5 to 10 mile hike across open desert at night. Of that 100 I think if two make it to the field boundary it will be a miracle. Those 2 will be glad to take a misdemeanor trespass ticket and get a ride back out to where they left mom's van.

Old 1811 said...

Funny you should mention Chesty Morgan. Once back in my misspent youth I took a wrong turn on my way to church and, in an effort to get directions, accidentally entered a venue where she was entertaining. That was over 40 years ago and the only thing I remember about it is thinking that she must get terrible back pains, and would be a good spokesperson for Doan's Pills (remember them?).

Anonymous said...

In every medicine cabinet right next to the Carter's Little Liver Pills.

REM1875 said...

Sortahwitte said...
@REM1875, No, I don't think you really want to know about Heinz 57. Sorta like making sausage.

As long as it makes Kat taste better I will stay blissfully ignorant .......

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Anonymous said...

2 forks, 2 outlets, & both hands works twice as well!
CC

Anonymous said...

Problem with omar is her idea of "Make America Great" is "Make America an Islamic Republic"
So yes, it will come to not only prejudice, but extreme prejudice.
CC