Friday, July 19, 2019

You've Been Chopped!

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, planned parenthood, leanna wen, terminated

If there's a limit to how much irony can be contained in a single story, this one must come awfully close to hitting it. Dr Leanna Wen, new president of Planned Parenthood, became a victim of pro-choice women when the gals - members of the PP Board of Directors - "chose" to terminate her employment before she got to the one year mark. Or "reached full term," you might say.

Wen was not asked if she wanted to be excised from PP's governing body, but then - we're told that in similar situations, the unborn's opinion and rights don't matter. Hey, rules are rules, right Leanna?

But the irony doesn't stop there! It turns out that Dr. Wen was discarded like a bit of tissue because she was trying to make Planned Parenthood at least try to offer some of the non-abortion medical services which they claim accounts for 97% of Planned Parenthood's business (and is a blatant lie).

Unfortunately, the Board wanted the thrust of the president's job to be even more aggressive political advocacy for abortion, rather than fiddle-faddling around with needed services, clinic hygiene, and caring about the frequently impoverished women who rapidly pass through Planned Parenthood with their backs on a conveyor belt and their feet in stirrups.

Planned Parenthood really has only two functions: abortion and political activism. The only questions now are which is their primary function, and why in God's name they're still receiving federal funding.


stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, beto o'rourke, reparations, slavery, slaves

We figured if we were going to make any Beto O'Rourke jokes, we'd better make them damn fast - because the polls indicate that he'll be nothing but an unpleasant campaign memory within the next week or two.

In part, this may be due to his odd ideas about what will appeal to voters. He's already done his best to convince everyone that he's Hispanic, despite being a full-blooded Irishman. And now he thinks that voters, and especially black voters, will like him better now that he's announced that members of his family (and his wife's) were slave owners. Those whippersnappers!

Beto feels this gives him a "special personal connection" to those who suffer from the effects of slavery, in much the way Adolph Hitler had a "special personal connection" to the millions who suffered from the effects of his death camps.

To make up for his family's dark deeds (as slave ownership documents were called), Beto is now pushing hard for reparations. But rather than taxpayer funds taken from the vast majority of people whose ancestors did not own slaves, we suggest "in kind" reparations from folks like Beto with proven guilt. He should volunteer his labors, free of charge, to black Americans for the rest of his life.

And, when his chores are done, he should make his masters refreshing mint juleps, then sing and dance to a medley of Stephen Foster songs. Put another way, if he wants to go back 200 years, then by all means he should.


We are delighted to share the news that Jim Hlavac's fundraising effort was a huge success, with significant credit owed to the kind-hearted people who hang out here at Stilton's Place. 

As we're writing this, Mr. Hlavac has garnered $1,645 of his $1,000 goal for his travels (which begin, we believe, on Sunday). But he also got more than that out of this experience, and we can't possibly put it than he did...

Fly safely, Mr. H, and sincere best wishes that you'll find the medical treatment and support you need in New York City. Keep us all posted!


She’s A Beauty said...

Godspeed, Jim!

Jason Anyone said...

Beto will have company heading to the exit. Cuz...

Lizzie Border used a hatchet
To advance her career, hoping no one would catch it

For Tomahonky, won't be long now
Seeing campaign signs saying "Pow Pow...Ciao!"

On Twitter, she called Trump "desperate". Yeah, cuz desperate isn't the one who finds something new to promise voters "for free" every time new poll numbers show that the closest she's ever gonna get to the Oval Office is by taking a White House tour.

Seems nobody likes her.

"However, just 4% of those surveyed felt Warren was likable — up from her 1% rating in April, but far behind Sanders’ 20%."

That's strictly New Hampshire. Her own backyard.

Hardly the type of "boost" to give new hope.

Bruce Gold said...

Dr. Wen lasted over 9 months at planned Parenthood. That's longer than most humans survive there.

Fred Ciampi said...

If they can abort (read kill) humans after they have been born alive then let's go a step further. Don't put a time limit on when abortions can be done. We can call it retroactive abortion and it can be provided up to 87 years after birth. 'Nuff said.

And concerning the reparations crap, than let's carry it to full term (I just made that up). 2,000 years ago my ancestors were slaves to the Roman Empire. Where's my money?

And finally, great news for Jim Hl. We are all praying for a breakthrough when he gets to New York's medical services. Amen.

Oh, one more thing; because of the extreme heat, I was playing in the water sprinkler. Maxine got so pissed at me and told me to get the hose and sprinkler out of the house. So sad.

Jason Anyone said...

@Fred Ciampi wrote "If they can abort (read kill) humans after they have been born alive then let's go a step further. Don't put a time limit on when abortions can be done. We can call it retroactive abortion and it can be provided up to 87 years after birth."

Hey Fred,

Like Shanaynay (from In Living Color) always says, "I got you."

TrickyRicky said...

Whatever happened to making abortions safe, legal and rare?
Whatever happened to emulating those oh-so-refined Europeans in all things. In Europe abortions are limited to the first trimester.
Whatever happened to calling child murder infanticide?
And why in hell should tax dollars support this abomination, where PP executives make big $$$ harvesting and selling body parts, only to funnel $$$ back into the Democommie party?

Good luck with your travels and medical situation Jim.

American Cowboy said...

@Fred Ciampi wrote "We can call it retroactive abortion..."

I like to use the term the late news commentator Paul Harvey used; "Abortion after the fact." Just saying.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

I'd repeat the "cunning runts" joke, but I rather suspect the only running PP does is to their expensive sports cars after work...

Safe travels, Jim. I hope you get the help you need...

Elbarto said...

"40 acres and a mule-faced president" made me laugh out loud. I've already stolen it and used it in the Yahoo comments section.

MAJ Arkay said...

Around here, we call him Bobby Frank O'Rourke. Not about to call him a fake nickname he chose so he can pretend to be more than just another well-to-do totally white guy. As for reparations, ol' Bobby Frank can pay whatever he wants. I'm not paying squat.

Safe travels, Jim.

John25mm said...

"his family's dark deeds (as slave ownership documents were called)" damn Stilton you truly have a wonderful way with words.

As to O'Rourke when I think of him (and that not often I don't like the feeling of bile in the back of my throat) it reminds me of a comment I tell people when I put on a pair of shorts "You haven't seen this much white since the last time you open a ream of copy paper."

I would also like to go on record now of apologizing for the state of SC for Mark "I need to take a hike." Sanford even thinking of running for president. He just need to go away.

Jim I hope you get the medical help you need.

John the Econ said...

UnPlanned UnParenthood: Actually, as a business consultant I'd have to side with the board of UnPlanned UnParenthood on this one. We here all know that UnPlanned UnParenthood is all about genocide and jobs for radical feminists that the private economy has little use for and only uses the supposed provision of non-abortion "women's health services" as a veneer to cover for their real mission. But in concert with a pliant mass media and popular culture, they've long since pretty much already convinced everyone that UnPlanned UnParenthood is all about "women health services" and that abortion is just a little side operation that they have to provide in order to be "comprehensive". So since all the people who count already believe this charade, why waste more time and money on selling it? Those resources could better be spent on a leader dedicated to reinforcing the notion that abortion is a fun, joyful, and empowering experience that even men now can partake in.

Beto is so March: Beto was the flavor on the month 4 months ago, and his crash in relevancy was even faster than his rise. Being just as bereft of original thought as the rest of the 3-dozen or however many other Democratic candidates there are at the moment and in reality being just another goofy white guy, all he can do is up the bidding war for votes from the envious and greedy that seem to make up the bulk of Democratic primary voters.

Since his phony non-whiteness didn't sell, (especially in a field of lots of actual non-white people) he's gotta find some angle to be able to climb up the Progressive Values Totem Pole(tm) and try to reach for any kind of victimization points.

So actually, this is brilliant! Instead of being a beneficiary of slavery like the rest of white America supposedly is, Beto's inverted it all and declares himself a victim because at some point in generations past his progenitors owned slaves! He's a victim because he's woke and has to live with this awful fact. You on the other hand are still privileged, and should have to pay. Shame on you!

"Reparations" is a trope that only exists to buy votes and sow division. It will never happen simply because it's totally unworkable. Should you be taxed to pay reparations to Oprah? Should Obama, with a white mother and a father who had no connection on this continent to slavery be eligible? How about Rachel Dolezal? Is Liz Warren entitled to 1/1024ths a share? How about Kamala Harris, who's ancestors actually owned slaves? Or should we just resort to implementing the colour bar?

No, reparations is only something that will exist when Democrats are out of power. If they were to ever get back into power and attempt it, the Democratic party would implode.

Good luck Jim.

james daily said...

Hummmm. Wonder if Beto is related to P.J. O'Rourke? If he is, he definitely came from the shallow end of the gene pool. If you are not familiar with P.J.'s writing, google up his quotes. Meanwhile, On PP, it is a bit ironic that it is for the elimination of parenthood. Then, on all these nitwits running for the democrat nomination for Prez, just how dumb do they need to be to not realize the game was over before it begun and when to withdraw from the race since they poll between zero and five percent. Do not get me wrong here, I do love them sucking up money to be pissed away.
I am ecstatic that the goal was reached and exceeded. He will need expense moneys while he is getting treatments.

NVRick said...

Seems that some folks believe that descendants of slaves somehow think that descendants of slave owners should give them 'reparations'.
To be fair, shouldn't descendants of those who fought on the Union side to free the slaves be entitled to 'compensation' as well? After all, many/most of those who fought gave up at least the sweat and effort in the fight, and at most, lost limbs or died in the pursuit of the abolition of slavery. So the cost of 'reparations' should be offset by the amount of 'compensation' owed by descendants of freed slaves.
Looks like Beto won't qualify for any 'compensation'.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Readers, Stilton here just to let you know that my internet services are all down. Telephone, television, Internet. Everything is fine but I may be out of touch for several days. Rest assured I haven't been kidnapped or silenced but instead I'm going to have to face the torture of amusing myself the old-fashioned way by reading books and getting out in the fresh air for a couple of days. I'll be back as soon as I can!

Geoff King said...

Reparations: One of my ancestors was Rufus King. He was a member of the Continental Congress and signed the Constitution of the United States of America as a delegate for Massachusetts. He was well known and respected by the likes of George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, and Thomas Jefferson. He also ran for the office of President of the United States twice, but was beaten by a couple of Jims (Monroe & Madison).
He was also one of the most outspoken critics of slavery and was a devote abolitionist.
I do not believe my family owes reparations of any sort.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Whenever the question of reparations comes up, I generally say, "Oh, yeah? Then where's my free Mercedes-Benz?"

This tends to shut 'em up for some odd reason. 😈

Stilton, enjoy the books and fresh air! Hope you can have a tot of Clan MacGregor as well!

- Maurice Moishe Marmelstein, Jr. (which was a bullet I dodged by my father Anglicising his name before I was born)

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Readers, I'm sorry to report that I am still without internet service, television, or phone service and that my internet provider does not plan to even attempt repairs until sometime Wednesday. Note that I do not live in the middle of nowhere. Note also that the problem was caused by a frontier technician. On a final note, I don't know how but I'm going to get these bastards. See you on the other side!

Geoff King said...

Sorry to be facetious Stilton, but weren't you just on the internet to make that post?

igor said...

Geoff, he probably either went to the local library and logged in or he phoned a friend. Works for me...