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Wednesday, July 24, 2019

Inspiration


Gay sex without internet, phone, or television. Actually I just said "day six" but thought the voice translation was actually funnier than whatever I was actually going to say.

See you in the comments section!


31 comments:

Velveeta Processed Cheese Food said...

Pretty good material for make-do. Actually, I have Frontier and considering how far out in the Boonies I live, it isn't nearly as bad as your service. Then again, I haven't had to call them for anything lately, either. I was appalled when they threw in with Yahoo, which is so 20th Century. I have my email set up through an Outlook app and periodically it quits working whenever they "improve" something. The Frontier online email interface is really 20th Century so I have some aggravation until they get that working again.

Gpadwds said...

I saw a frontier service man on my street the other day. He asked me what time it was. I responded, “it’s somewhere between 8 AM and 1 PM.”

Sortahwitte said...

I have a neighbor that I really like. He holds several doctorates in the area of human relations. He has taught seminars at Fortune 500 companies at their offices all over the world. His specialty gradually rolled exclusively into customer relations. Why they must have good ones and why most companies really suck at it. And some will pay him to come in and help turn their customer culture around. Most won't. I mentioned "frontier". He was familiar with it and a lot more just like it. He recommended getting out if there is ANY alternative. They only understand numbers that relate to customers. Lower numbers mean somebody goes back to selling snake oil or used cars or similar things using robo-calls. A pox in their nether region.

Kay said...

Gpadwds: I LOL and dribbled my water! Great response to Frontier guy!

Stilt: They never give a credit on the bill for their inability to get things up and running, do they?

Mindless Blather said...

You should thank God you're not dependent on Century Link.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Might I recommend a couple of tin cans connected with string? Apparently, this would be something of an improvement...

Anonymous said...

It's good to know that if my MS gets much worse that there is a career path as a frontier service man.

Anonymous said...

AT&T is no better. Waited 4 days the first time, 3 days the next time and there's cable all over the yard because "It can take between 10-30 days for a crew to re-bury it" as the technician explained.

Fred Ciampi said...

When I first tried hotspot it was with the understanding that I could bring it back in seven days for a full refund, no questions asked. Of course after that you're obligated for two years and your first born. The only cautionary note I could add is DO NOT GET A DEVICE MADE IN CHINA!!!!! Yay for technology. At least it might be worth a trip to the cell phone store to verify my sales pitch.

Bruce Bleu said...

Just moved back to Colo Spgs from Pinetop, Arizona where we had the option of using Frontier or Cable One. We opted for Cable One and only benefited from OTHER PEOPLE'S horror stories about Frontier service. Evidently Frontier runs their service through hemp ropes and the servicemen are chimps rescued from abusive zoos, but we didn't get the first-hand experience because of our provider being populated by people who know the difference between Megabits Per Second and Second Hand Alpha Bits.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

The second cartoon is a hoot! (First was good, too, but that second one...)

Those of us in Comcast territory can tell you that things are tough all over. Comcast. The "alpha dog" of cable companies, bar none. Their interest is clearly only on the "bottom line", their customer service sucks - even if their foreign support offices simulate English better than most. They have "commitment guarantees" and the like that suggest they are trying to improve, but that bottom line thing... We left them after nearly 25 years and went with their closest competitor WOW. Haven't had nearly the issues with WOW, and my bill has actually gone DOWN a few times since signing on with them - UNHEARD of with Creeping Comcast!

I really pity those in regions with no competition. The only thing worse than a cable company these days seems to the the House of Representatives...

Doug said...

Perfect! Just in time for the current kerfuffle.

ruralbob said...

I love these! When I learned that Verizon was going to be taken over by Frontier in my little rural town, I sped to Comcast. Unlike many others, my experience with Comcast has been very good. My neighbors who stayed with Frontier always have horror stories to share.

hrm said...

Frontier must be a cousin of Comcast!

John the Econ said...

In our former environs in the southeast, we had Comcast, which had bought out our former cable provider AT&T shortly after the turn of the century. (AT&T had owned the cable system, but sold out to Comcast. AT&T later bought out the phone system they had once owned decades before, and started delivering DSL and pay TV via that)

Out biggest problem with them happened about 15 years or so ago when they were attempting to transition their network from analog to digital TV. In the process of that, they managed to screw up the Internet side, which up until that point had been relatively reliable. Their network upgrade resulted in some sort of upstream blockage, meaning that download speeds remained good, but any data that your computer sent back up would be incredibly slow, or would disappear altogether. This made browsing painful because when entering and address, half the time the request would disappear and nothing would happen. Sending e-mail became impossible, especially if you had attachments included. And since I do a lot of remote support and have to upload software and other content to clients, my work became impossible.

Since Comcast's diagnostic paradigm at the time was all about high download speeds, they literally didn't understand the problem. Websites would download as quickly as ever. They seemingly had no way to diagnose upload speeds. When dealing with them, every interaction starts with the assumption that the problem is somehow your fault. That the problem might have something to do with their network would always be the last possibility considered. So every interaction would take at least an hour of time wasted on experiments I'd already done myself and already knew would fail.

And this just wasn't me, or my neighborhood, or city. This affected the whole northern end of the state! It took months for them to straighten this out.

John the Econ said...

As mentioned above, with these large telecom companies it's all about service metrics. Every day a manager gets statistics from the automated customer service system that supposedly monitors the system for problems. A major part of that report is based upon how many support calls the call centers get from any particular customer area. If all of a sudden they get a dozen calls from a neighborhood, they know there's likely a problem in that neighborhood. They get hundreds or thousands of calls from a city, they know there's a bigger problem and so on. It supposedly helps them understand where the problem is and where to direct their limited resources to fix it.

The problem is that with large, lingering technical problems that last more than a few days, people stop calling after awhile. When the high volume of calls stop coming in, they assume the problem has corrected itself and forget about it and move on. Our neighborhood experienced this several times. People got tired of calling every day when their Internet or TV failed, and just gave up. Through our neighborhood listserv, I'd admonish people to call each and every time there was any kind of failure in order to stay on their radar. It's really a numbers game, and the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

The really dumb thing was that even though I knew that most of their problems were network related, they'd keep sending people out of the house after they'd wasted hours of my time not being able to resolve the problems over the phone. This was annoying, but also part of the numbers game. They'd threaten to charge you for this, but they never did because there was nothing they could prove was wrong on my end. They'd come out and run some tests. They even replaced the cable drop to my house several times for no good reason. And they'd leave. The problem would still be there and I'd call the next day and schedule a new appointment. In a week or so they'd come out again and do the same. Most of the techs I met knew there was no problem on my end from the get-go, but all they could do was walk through the pointless routine again and file their paperwork. I'd tell my neighbors to have them do the same. The idea was that if the managers of the network couldn't figure out that there was a wider network problem that had absolutely nothing to do with endpoints, then perhaps the beancounters would start wondering why they were repeatedly spending thousands of dollars a week on housecalls to my neighborhood that were not fixing the problem. Eventually, that worked. Only money talks with these people.

jpb252 said...

@Mindless Blather - I've gotten my internet from CenturyLink for years (ever since they bought Qwest) and have been pretty happy with their service.

Eaton Rapids Joe said...

I don't suppose you would consider a cartoon of a Hydra that started with an Obama head and morphed to a Hydra with four brainless progressive women heads...and an orange-haired Hercules about to burn them off?

Old Cannonballs said...

Lily Tomlin on the telephone company: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0l9fE2RAj8

Colby Muenster said...

Stilton,
Valiant (and FUNNY) effort today. Thanks!

Hope you get connected soon, though. Makes life much easier, and a guy who can't drink scotch right now needs that!

Beans said...

I have Cox Cable. Customer Service is divided into a two-tier system.

Tier 1 is occupied by Semi-Literated Half-Retarded Script Readers. To the point that when you interrupt them in their script reading, they have to re-start reading their script. Would not be half-bad except, after listening to the same rote scripted response and saying "Yes, I have totally checked all my connections, unplugged and replugged, set and reset my cable box and router and power supply and house power and had the Electric Company reset their breakers 3-4 times also, and yet the system still doesn't work" they finally acknowledge that they can't actually do anything at Tier 1 Customer Support except to log in a Customer Service complaint, and "Here's your number said by that fast-talking guy from those commercials in the early 80's" and then, half the time, the T1CS entity actually didn't log in your complaint/request/prayer for service. And then the T1CS entity might actually say that they are passing the complaint/request/prayer for service to Tier 2 Customer Service (T2CS.)

Tier 2 Customer Service is evidently a bunch of anti-social acne-ed Nerd-Geeks who aren't actually allowed to actually interface with the Customer and are the ones that push the buttons, flick switches and refuse to tell you to check your wiring, reboot your system and then call back.

Cox Sucks. And I am one of their Customers. Does that make me a Cox Sucker?

Sortahwitte said...

I have/had cableone. They quietly changed their alias to "Sparklight"! If that doesn't sound like a steam and cream parlor, I'm clueless. However, I have had good service for almost 3 years. I'm disappointed their list of services does not include the "Big Finish", however.

John the Econ said...

We're now on Charter "Spectrum" here out west. I have to say it's been the most stable & reliable service I've ever had; very few outages of note for nearly 5 years. We only have the Internet service. We get all our TV via antenna and IP services.

But it's also been my observation that the quality of service has more to do with local issues than it does with who owns the service you're using. Most Internet related issues, such as @Stilton's are "last mile" problems.

But my favorite Comcast story:

Earlier last decade, one day I got an automated email from Comcast alerting me that they had just reported me to the MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America) for illegally downloading a movie from a pirate site. This was the age where peer-to-peer sharing tools like Napster had recently emerged and when combined with high speed Internet connections, exchanging pirated content had become very easy to the masses for the first time. The MPAA was making big headlines because they were filing lawsuits against people illegally downloading pirated movies and winning rather large sums in court due to the very favorable terms for the industry contained within the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. The typical scenario was that the MPAA would send an alleged offender a "courtesy" letter demanding a mid-four-figure sum of money to make the problem go away. If you didn't acquiesce to that demand, they'd take you to court and demand somewhere in the mid-6-figures or more to punish you for your insolence. Being in the tech industry myself, I am no fan of piracy. But on the other hand, what the MPAA and RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) were doing seemed like borderline racketeering.

Included with the message from Comcast were the technical details of what I had allegedly done that they had forwarded to the MPAA. Not only was it a movie that I had never seen (or cared to) but it was downloaded at an IP address nearly 2000 miles away. It seems that Comcast had my account cross-linked with another customer that happened after one of their many mergers over the years. (I figured that out quickly because the year before, Comcast had shut off my service because this other account had moved or not paid or something)

Imagining some process server in the employ of the MPAA showing up at my doorstep with a half-million dollar lawsuit in hand at any moment, I immediately fired off a letter to Comcast's legal department pointing out their error, and told them in no uncertain terms that any legal action taken against me by the MPAA or any other entity for piracy on their network would be considered slander by the result of their abject incompetence and negligence, and I'd be taking them to court for any and all ancillary costs plus damages which I was certain would be awarded for the slander due to the sheer incompetence executed by one of America's least loved monopolies.

I never heard back.

Today's political observation: I think we're done with the Mueller investigation.

Bill the Cat said...

Or Comcast...

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

READERS- I'm back! My telecommunications have been restored, and life can hopefully go back to normal-ish. Six days without service, and the problem turned out to be exactly what I told the bastards on day one: that just before my outage, I'd seen a Frontier technician (with a truck) working in a box a few houses away, and he probably pulled my lines by mistake. I told EVERY customer service person that, and none of them gave a damn, nor did anyone follow up on my request to check if, indeed, there was such a service call at the time and place I said. But noOOOooo. The repairman confirmed it today (and I'm sure he didn't mind my taking video).

So now I need to see if Frontier wants to make nice somehow, or if I should just go ahead with my plan to try to get their license to do business around here cancelled. Well, actually I'll try to do that whether they try to make nice or not. Screw 'em if they can't take a joke.

Anonymous said...

Please Sir, tell us how you really feel about these circumstances...Now don't hold back..we are all adults (Conservatives) here...and would you mind taking this short customer service survey..."We value your opinion"

Dan said...

Welcome back. And I really hope you become a telecommunications-provider owner in short order.

Fish Out of Water said...

@Jon the Econ: Agree the Mueller investigation is done, but that won't stop the democrats from continuing to push the narrative: like the warring nations in WWI, who as much as they wanted to stop the insanity and the death wish slaughter, they couldn't. They had too much "invested" and to stop without a 'victory' would have meant revolution. So too with the democrats, or perhaps the children who now hold the reins.

Meanwhile, in some faraway, dark corner of this country, the most vile, venal, pathligically troubled and twice repudiated democratic POTUS candidate continues to cackle.

John the Econ said...

@Fish Out of Water,

I knew the Mueller hearing was going poorly first thing yesterday morning when I walked into my office and saw that Bloomberg had cut away from their live coverage, which is usually wall-to-wall when it's assumed to be bad news for Trump. The bits I did see through the day were not impressive. I think the Babylon Bee captured the essence of his performance. At best, it was almost as though he hadn't even read his own report.

You are right in that the hard-core faithful are sticking with the narrative, and that they had everything invested in this and can't let it go. (They're just coming to realize that their 2020 platform isn't going to cut it outside of the ThinkProgress crowd) But even Pelosi knows that "Russia Russia Russia" is a dead end. My standard response has been that if they think they've got their slam-dunk case, why aren't the House Democrats going ahead with impeachment? Because the adults in the party know that it would be an in-kind donation to the Trump re-election campaign.

Heck, even Micheal Moore gets it. When you've lost Thomas Friedman & Micheal Moore...

This didn't take long.

Welcome back to the grid, @Stilton.

Colby Muenster said...

Welcome back, Stilton! Don'tcha just love it when you tell a techie what you think the problem is, and they pooh pooh you because you're obviously not as smart as them, then it turns out your were right all along?

Mueller fiasco... Mr. Econ is right, the Mueller thing is dead, or at least about to get life support yanked. When the leftie media outlets start backing off, you know it's toast. The "get Trump at all costs" crowd will, unfortunately, continue their incessant whining and shit flinging, and my prayer is that they all pay big time come November 2020, especially that turd, Adam Shiff, and his butt buddy, Jerry Nadler.

james daily said...

Welcome back. The world is not the same without your ideas and observations. My wife just returned from an Alaskan Cruise with the family. Here is the question: Which cost more, "Macallan Triple Cask Matured 12 years old" ($75 bucks) or one mean of 1# of King Crabs? Yep, the one meal was $76 bucks. I am lucky she doesn't drink.
Meanwhile, Mueller acts like he has had a stroke or that was Pelosi in drag. No wonder he needed a helper. Now that the Congress has him lying under oath, will anything be done about it? Probably not.