FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST!

Democrats, when not busily impeaching the President for being successful and patriotic, like to promise "free" goodies in exchange for votes. Of course, those goodies are never actually free, and usually don't even happen. Which is why we're going to show them how it's done...

Yes, everyone's favorite sick-but-lovable webcomic about a boy, his dog, and the general hellishness of Life is now in book form and, like Johnny approaching a steep wheelchair ramp, we want to give it a really good push to get started. That's why we're giving it away free as our gift to you, our favorite people on Earth. You can download the ebook from Amazon absolutely free (by clicking on this link) between 12/18 and 12/22. (Please check to make SURE that the actual price has dropped to $0.00, and not just $0 if you belong to Kindle Unlimited. Also, you DO NOT NEED to join Kindle Unlimited to get the book free - so don't do that!)

The ebook can be read on any computer, smartphone, or tablet using the free Kindle Reader app from Amazon. And the book has been specially optimized to look great, even on a dinky little phone, if you know this trick: turn your phone sideways, then double-tap on a cartoon. This will make the cartoon full-screen, after which a simple tap or finger stroke on the cartoon will automatically advance you to the next rib-tickler!

There's also a genuinely lovely paperback version of Johnny's book, which we're temporarily offering for $5.99 (pretty much the lowest price Amazon will let us charge, and free shipping with Prime). The paperback is perfect for bathroom reading, "accidentally" leaving behind in doctors' waiting rooms, holiday gift-giving, or a "get well" gift for anyone who you're not fully committed to seeing get well.

But wait! There's more! We're going to take every cent of profit from the paperback (during the dates shown), double it, then donate it to a children's charity. And how do you know we'll really do that? Because we're not thieving liars who steal from charity like the Clintons!

AND NOW, WE'D LIKE TO ASK A FAVOR... Amazon markets books based on how popular they are and how many reviews they get online. So after you've downloaded the book, please consider leaving an honest Amazon review. And if you do, please don't mention politics because Johnny has enough problems already without being labeled a Nazi.

Enjoy the book, and feel free to share the link with others! After all, it's the season of giving!

Bottom Feeder

Soon-to-be Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has just debuted a fresh, new, youthful countenance which is pure nightmare fuel. In perhaps the least-subtle plastic surgery we've ever seen, Hillary appears to have had silicone breast implants crammed into her cheeks - making them bloated and disquietingly smooth when framed by her heavily wrinkled face.

Although to be absolutely fair and journalistically responsible, we don't know that Hillary had plastic surgery done. We suppose it's possible that she took out her teeth to pleasure her husband ("Is it okay if I think of Monica?") and he got so carried away with slamming her face that her air bags deployed.

DEFACE THE NATION

We normally scoff at the idiotic choices made by TIME magazine (not that it is still a magazine) for their annual "person of the year" issue, but for 2019 they almost got it right.

Not by selecting Greta Thunberg, the spoiled, hectoring, self-important brat of privilege who thinks she's going to change the world by skipping school and being a complete pain in the global ass. But we think TIME almost got it right because the real "person of the year" should be that vicious, angry, "please punch me" snot face that has become the new Guy Fawkes mask worn universally by liberals.

This sneering display of disdain for the rabble, so perfectly mastered by Ms. Thunberg, has also been seen on the pusses of nearly every prominent asshole on the Left. Adam Schiff, Jerry Nadler, Peter Strzok, Alexandria Ocarina-Goretex, Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, James Comey, Ilhan Omar, the full roster of Democratic presidential candidates, every Democrat who attempted to destroy Bret Kavanaugh, antifa, college students, liberal professors, the entire on-air lineup on MSNBC and CNN, and far too many more to mention.

It is the face of whiners and those who hate. The face of those who resent the need to work or exercise personal responsibility. It is the face of unearned superiority and unmerited self-love. It is the face of the power-hungry and the heartless. It is the face of bigotry, prejudice, and the deeply embedded belief that all people are not created equal, which is why the ivory tower class feels compelled to tell the peasant class what the hell to do with their insignificant and annoying lives.

So TIME swung and missed again this year. But maybe they'll get it in 2020, when the "person of the year" will be all of those grief-stricken faces that we'll see when Donald Trump is elected to a second term.

Vertigo!

Sorry, no post today. I had to respond to a minor medical emergency when daughter Jarlsberg had a crippling attack of vertigo. So I'm away from my toys and tools (and forgot to bring my iPad charger) and will be largely incommunicado.

Positive thoughts and prayers for daughter J are appreciated. As for me, I DID pack a jug of Clan MacGregor, so I've got that going for me!