Sling Along With Mitch

Mitch McConnell has officially set the rules for the Trump impeachment trial in the Senate, over the whining, bitching, and bellyaching of the entire Democrat party. Under McConnell's rules, the trial will be fast, efficient, and - particularly dismaying to those on the Left - the verdict will be at the end of the proceedings rather than the beginning.

Not that everyone needs the entire legislative branch of government to pass a harsh judgment...

Eternal charmer and definitely not a candidate (wink-wink, nudge-nudge) Hillary Clinton is teasing an upcoming four-hour documentary series called "Hillary" in which she speaks honestly and frankly about important issues like what a dung ball Bernie Sanders is.

"He was in Congress for years," Hillary sneers. "He had one senator support him. Nobody likes him, nobody wants to work with him, he got nothing done. He was a career politician. It's all just baloney and I feel so bad that people got suckered into it. He should be strangled in his jail cell."

Okay, she didn't actually mention the part about a jail cell, but we all know she was thinking it. Just like we know what the Left is really thinking about the recent Second Amendment Rally...

BONUS: OUR LOVING CUP RUNNETH OVER

Huzzah! Thanks to a flurry of impassioned votes from Stilton's Place readers (thank you!), our cartoon tied for Grand Prize Winner in the "Best Cartoons of 2019" contest over at The Right Reasons!

We'd like to thank Pookie18, who tirelessly collects great conservative cartoons from all over the Internet, for the hard work that went into this event (hey, it started with 13,000 entries to choose from!)

We also want to thank all of the cartoon creators who work tirelessly (and almost universally without pay) to make life funnier for us, and more miserable for those on the Left. It's not really a competition so much as a team effort - and we're proud to be part of that team!

Our winning entry. And a nice, nasty little punchline if we say so ourselves!

Sick Day

This looks like an exciting day for news: gun protests in Virginia, final preparations for Trump's impeachment trial and, of course, Elizabeth Warren's "Martin Luther King Day" revelation that she's part black, based on family stories about the source of her widely-spaced nostrils.

Unfortunately, we can't really comment on any of those stories because we've got a distracting case of gastric distress. Nothing serious - just the same discomfort John Hurt experienced after a nice meal on the space trawler Nostromo.

So while we're carrying a stomach bug, we'll let you carry the conversational ball in the comments section. Have at it!

A Walk on the Riled Side

For only the third time in our nation's history, an American President is facing an impeachment trial to determine whether or not he will be removed from office. Such an event demands a full accounting of the facts, a deep understanding of the events which have brought us to this perilous state, and insightful, informed analysis of the trial as it unfolds.

None of which you're going to find here, Lord knows, because we're sick of this shameful sham and won't dignify it with anything resembling "work" on our part.

Rather, we will ridicule the Democrats' preposterous march to the Senate to deliver the articles of impeachment by pointing out that they reminded us of the Wicked Witch of the West's guards, the Winkies, strutting about while intoning: "Yo-ee-oh, Yo-ee-oh, Yo-eeoh, Ee-Ohhhh-ya!" These morons looked like they were carefully carrying a vial of nitro glycerine rather than multiple sheets of used toilet tissue.

Not that the idiocy started with that pinheaded procession...

In signing the articles of impeachment, Nancy Pelosi used over a dozen pens - served to her on silver platters and embossed with her own signature in taxpayer-funded gold - in order to create historic souvenirs to gift to her co-conspirators and, in all likelihood, raise a few bucks on eBay.

Despite her assurances that this was a sad and solemn chore, Pelosi grinned like a botox-enhanced Cheshire cat during the signing. Unlike the Cheshire cat, however, she failed to disappear afterwards, which was (and is) a decided disappointment.

Mainstream "news" sources described the proceedings in the most serious of terms, some calling the signing and delivery of the articles "sacramental." We, on the other hand, found the delivery to be more excremental, reminding us of nothing so much as chimps in a zoo flinging their feces just for the sheer pleasure of seeing how far they can spread their stink.

While there will surely be twists, turns, subtleties and surprises in the actual impeachment trial, we don't plan to pay much attention to it. The articles of impeachment are a partisan farce and (the latest) coup attempt. Trump will beat it handily and, we hope, win re-election in a landslide owing to a growing realization in our country that the Democrats are out of control and against our system of government, Constitutional checks and balances, justice, and basic decency.

As is the horse they rode in on.