Friday, January 17, 2020
A Walk on the Riled Side
For only the third time in our nation's history, an American President is facing an impeachment trial to determine whether or not he will be removed from office. Such an event demands a full accounting of the facts, a deep understanding of the events which have brought us to this perilous state, and insightful, informed analysis of the trial as it unfolds.
None of which you're going to find here, Lord knows, because we're sick of this shameful sham and won't dignify it with anything resembling "work" on our part.
Rather, we will ridicule the Democrats' preposterous march to the Senate to deliver the articles of impeachment by pointing out that they reminded us of the Wicked Witch of the West's guards, the Winkies, strutting about while intoning: "Yo-ee-oh, Yo-ee-oh, Yo-eeoh, Ee-Ohhhh-ya!" These morons looked like they were carefully carrying a vial of nitro glycerine rather than multiple sheets of used toilet tissue.
Not that the idiocy started with that pinheaded procession...
In signing the articles of impeachment, Nancy Pelosi used over a dozen pens - served to her on silver platters and embossed with her own signature in taxpayer-funded gold - in order to create historic souvenirs to gift to her co-conspirators and, in all likelihood, raise a few bucks on eBay.
Despite her assurances that this was a sad and solemn chore, Pelosi grinned like a botox-enhanced Cheshire cat during the signing. Unlike the Cheshire cat, however, she failed to disappear afterwards, which was (and is) a decided disappointment.
Mainstream "news" sources described the proceedings in the most serious of terms, some calling the signing and delivery of the articles "sacramental." We, on the other hand, found the delivery to be more excremental, reminding us of nothing so much as chimps in a zoo flinging their feces just for the sheer pleasure of seeing how far they can spread their stink.
While there will surely be twists, turns, subtleties and surprises in the actual impeachment trial, we don't plan to pay much attention to it. The articles of impeachment are a partisan farce and (the latest) coup attempt. Trump will beat it handily and, we hope, win re-election in a landslide owing to a growing realization in our country that the Democrats are out of control and against our system of government, Constitutional checks and balances, justice, and basic decency.
As is the horse they rode in on.
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg at 12:01 AM