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Friday, January 31, 2020

Deadlocked?

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, trump, trial, impeachment, dead voters, democrats, coup, don lemon

Theoretically, today is the day the Senate will vote for or against witnesses in Donald Trump's impeachment trial and, assuming witnesses aren't allowed, a second vote is expected to acquit the President.

Afterwards, the nation will breathe a collective sigh of relief, neighbor will embrace neighbor, old animosities will be forgotten, Congress will get back to doing the work of the people, and the news media will focus solely on important, fact-based stories.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!
Seriously, we laughed harder at that than Don Lemon laughs when watching the Special Olympics. Because Trump's acquittal will mean nothing at all in the vicious and idiotic national dialogue. Not a single mind will be changed, nor will any lessons be learned. The talking heads on TV will continue to spin like Dervishes, people living in the greatest nation on Earth at one of the greatest times in history will continue to believe Apocalypse is nigh, and many of us will continue to have night terrors after dreaming of Adam Schiff's beady peepers appearing out of the dark.

Still, if President Trump is acquitted we plan to break out a bottle of bubbly with which to toast the failure of the latest, but surely not the last, coup attempt.

 BONUS: A MINOR AMUSEMENT

Just for fun sometime, try entering DoucheNozzles.com in the URL section of your browser. It just might restore your faith in the Internet.

37 comments:

Dan said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Indeed!

And that URL does seem to reflect reality.

Pat Cummings said...

My eyes!

And a purely partisan impeachment followed by a purely partisan acquittal? They cancel each other out. The fringes can—and will—go on yelling and throwing feces at each other, but I believe the vast, solid middle will indeed breathe a sigh of relief, and go back to daily lives with a renewed sense that more is right with the world (or the US, anyway) than is wrong...

Doctor Deadhead said...

Can't wait for that cocktail of liberal tears that we all shall drink tonight. I wonder what the next scheme will be next month. They have been planning it. That is why Nancy was holding the impeachment up for so long

mamafrog said...

Is the link supposed to go to msnbc.com? Funny but also gave me heartburn and reflux. Think I may have to go lay down for awhile with a cold cloth for my head.

Unknown said...

Is liberal tears the cause of Corona piss water virus?

Unknown said...

BTW: is it just me who will purposely not select all the squares on Captcha just to see more of the funny pictures? Talk about a timewaster!

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

(goes to DoucheNozzles.com) (laughs helplessly) To quote the old Skin Bracer commercial, "Thanks. I needed that."

Me, I'm hoping for witnesses. As long as they're various Bidens, the whistleblower, Schiff-for-brains...

Sapodilla Tan said...

Truest thing that I've seen in years.

Geoff King said...

Intriguing!
After being redirected to MSNBC.com after googling DoucheNozzles.com, I assumed they actually own that domain name. However, after searching for it at Yahoo, AOL, and Bing, I found that only Google brings you there.
Did the libs at MSNBC piss off the libs at Google?

Bobo the Hobo said...

DoucheNozzles.com

BOOM!

The crowd goes wild as Stilt wins the internet again!

Bman said...

Stay tuned for the next Democrat show hosted by Pinky and the Brain

Anonymous said...

Fire Fox blocked access but searched & Pinterest came up with lots of anti-Trump postings.

Fred Ciampi said...

And speaking of douche nozzles, more on the wunnerful politicians in the (once) great state of Virginia. The delegate from our district was stopped at 2 AM by the police for suspicion of DUI because the police observed him speeding and crossing over the line, which is a no-no. The nice police tested Delegate Hurst and found him to be over the limit. Gasp! But because he is a politician (I guess that implies diplomatic immunity) he was allowed to continue to drive to wherever he was headed with his girlfriend.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong but I once read on the internet that there are more deaths by drunk drivers than by folks getting shot with guns and delegate Hurst is an opponent of the Second Amendment and a strong supporter of red flag laws. Am I the only one who sees something wrong here. Of course, delegate Hurst is a democrat and a very, very good friend and supporter of our wunndeful governor Blackfac....., oops, I mean Northam. There was such an outcry of this incident that the Christiansburg, VA police department is having an internal affairs investigation on the whole sordid affair. We'll see where that goes.

I think that I will run for political office so that I can go on a crime spree and declare diplomatic immunity. Oh. boy, I'll be rich, vacations in the Caribbean, Vegas, wine, women, and song. It will be wonderful. OK, I'm signing off. I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your politician.

Sue said...

douchenozzles.com indeed!!!!
***coffee spews from nasal cavity***

Murphy(AZ) said...

^Fred Ciampi: Here in Arizona, we recently had a similar situation when an esteemed member of our legislature was pulled over by a heroic state trooper for speeding, weaving, conspiracy to lurk and wasteful breathing of free air. Legislator was let go without even a warning, as it seems that they are "golden" as long as the legislature is in session.

By the way, he also used the "Do you know who I am?" defense.

And that's why I can't ever be a LEO. I'd be having him do a Taser Dance, just for that.

Jess said...

It's a rare moment for me to lose control and laugh out loud, when it's inappropriate. Going to your link was one of those moments, and I was glad I hadn't started drinking my morning coffee.

Thanks

TrickyRicky said...

Love the link. I'm sharing that immediately.

As to your comments, yes we do indeed live in the most affluent, free, and abundantly blessed country in the history of the world; at the peak of it's influence and prosperity. It really makes you wonder what the hell is wrong with the bug-eyed mouth-frothing troglodytes on the left....Oh yeah, 50 years of public school and university communist indoctrination.

rickn8or said...

Doctor Deadhead said:

"I wonder what the next scheme will be next month. "

I'm inclined to think Nancy will introduce Impeachment II on Monday morning.

And as regards Catch-and-Release for politicians, Tennessee has it's own John Ford (and wife) with a long history of misbehaving:
https://wreg.com/2019/11/20/john-ford-barred-from-public-office-files-to-run-in-court-clerk-race/


John the Econ said...

The Democrats know that every day this s***show goes on is another day that attention is diverted from their embarrassing slate of insane totalitarian candidates who are currently focused upon getting the attention of deplorable-class Midwestern farmers.

An upside is that every day this s***show goes on is another day that Congress is diverted from finding new ways to f-up my life. You take your gains where you find them.

I think I'm going skiing today. So beyond the above, I just don't care.

DoucheNozzles.com: Great. Now the spies of the interwebs know that my browser and IP address have been associated with a particular web site. Really should have been surfing porn instead.

@Fred Ciampi, just another example of what a banana republic we've become. Remember that douche nozzle John Edwards and his "Two Americas"? The Democrat narrative is that we're conducting a class war of wealthy people versus the poor. No, the real "two Americas" are the beneficiaries of big government and the victims of big government. Hurst is a beneficiary. You and I would have been tossed in the pokey, whereas Hurst got to continue on his buzzed, merry way, perhaps taking out one or more of the deplorable non-beneficiary class along the way.

And yes, for years now I've been pointing out that drunk driving takes out far more people than mass shootings do, or shootings in general. In my state, if you are in an accident, it's 50:50 that alcohol was involved. If those who decry "gun violence" are the least bit serious about saving lives, they should be addressing alcohol first, which kills an order of magnitude more people that guns ever will.

But we all know it's not about public safety at all, don't we?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Dan- And if we can't have fun mocking reality, what does Life really mean?

@Pat Cummings- I'll be perfectly happy with a purely partisan acquittal of these ridiculous charges.

@Doctor Deadhead- I'm betting that by tonight we'll be hearing stories about a "runaway government" and a "rogue senate," and that we'll keep hearing such right through election day.

@mamafrog- Yeah, the link just takes you to MSNBC. I happen to own the domain "douchenozzles.com" and I set it to redirect to MSNBC for my own amusement.

@Unknown- We'll know if there's a huge uptick in cases after today.

@M. Mitchell Marmel- It's fun to fantasize about getting those people on the stand, but with Judge Roberts editing the questions, we probably wouldn't get any satisfaction anyway.

@Sapodilla Tan- That's my goal!

@Geoff King- Nah, I own "douchenozzles.com" and do with it whatever I want. Yes, I'm the kind of guy who'll pay $15 year after year just to amuse myself.

@Bobo the Hobo- It's a happy thing!

@Bman- You paint a vivid (and accurate) picture!

@Anonymous- Well, that's more complicated than I meant it to be. In theory, that address should take you straight to MSNBC. My apologies to anyone I accidentally sent down a rabbit hole.

@Fred Ciampi- I read about that and it absolutely sucks. Whoever the officer is that stopped him, found him over the limit, and then sent him on his way needs to lose his/her badge.

@Sue- I take coffee spewing as a compliment!

@Murphy(AZ)- Your idea about tasing people who say "Do you know who I am?!" is so good that it should be written into law.

@Jess- You're welcome!

@TrickyRicky- The Left can't take control of everything unless they first convince everyone that we're in a time of great crisis. And we're not, except for an overabundance of assholes.

@rickn8or- As far as the next scheme goes, I saw yesterday that E. Jean Carroll's lawyer is demanding a DNA sample from Trump in relation to a decades old allegation of rape. Ms. Carroll had raised this some time ago and briefly got a lot of coverage on the news, until she was interviewed by Anderson Cooper (I think) and she said something about rape being "sexy." Cooper immediately cut to commercial and we hadn't heard from her again until now.

@John the Econ- Enjoy your skiing, and may you go downhill more gracefully than the Democrats today. As far as douchenozzles.com goes, I own the site and you're already pretty much screwed for having a history right here (grin). And fine points about DUI versus gun deaths. And as some Internet wit has pointed out, the liberal logic would be to fight drunk driving by taking away the car keys from sober people.

Colby Muenster said...

So... Chuck You Schumer and San Fran Nan are now saying they will not "accept" it if the Senate votes to acquit without letting them call witnesses. Oh NO! Not that! You won't "accept" it?! Hide the wimmens and chilluns! Circle the wagons! Tell you what, Chuck and Nan, I'll send you a couple cases of tissue so you can go have a good cry because you don't (gasp!) have to "accept" it. It's stands none the less, and will go down in the history books as an acquittal. Just like the House's so called investigation will go down in history as a partisan witch hunt held behind locked doors in the basement. "They didn't let us call any witnesses!" Well duh... I wonder where they got THAT idea???

@Stilton,
Douchenozzles.com = funny as HELL! Perhaps you need to get ownership of another "website" called shitforbrains.com or something, and link it to CNN.

Are y'all ready for this weekend's 6 hour display of commercials and musical performances by people who hate Trump? Oh yeah, almost forgot. I think there's a football game, too.

Fred Ciampi said...

And speaking of Sunday's feetsballz exhibition, we were thinking of watching it onnacounta we did live in 49er land for the first 50 years of our lives before we moved to hillbillyland. Then I read that Bloomfart was allowed to make commercials degrading the country I love and defended in the USMC but the NRA was not allowed to advertise what's good about our country. Even at the going cost of $3,500,000.00 per thirty seconds. And anudder thing, so far I have seen two overpaid athletes state that they will not stand for the National Anthem. Sooo, I will be watching reruns of The Great British Baking Show on Netflix.

Fish Out of Water said...

So with a vote against witnesses imminent, the howling mob of "progressives " moves on to cast doubt on the legitimacy on an acquittal vote.

Before pouring a good pour of one's favorite libation to celebrate, consider this.

Pelosi et al are tacitly admitting our duly elected President will win in 2020 and for that contingency, they will use the acquittal to fire up their base to cement their hold on the House and capture the Senate.

Should this play out.....if you think 2019 to 2020 was a helluva ride....😰

Remember in November who the real enemies of our Republic are and will continue to be.

Pat Cummings said...

@Fish Out of Water: I can hear the campaign talking points now:

Pelosi/Schumer/Romney, et anti-Trump al: "It was a dirty, corrupt partisan acquittal; you should vote Democrat, and give us the House and Senate so we can have a do-over impeachment with no one to stand our way..."

Trump and pro-Trump Republican candidates: "Are you better off now than you were 4 years ago? Well, imagine how much better better off you'd be if Congress hadn't been wasting all this time hunting for ways to undo the 2016 election!"

Fish Out of Water said...

@Pat: Yep.

Principal Poop said...

ICYMI-President Trump signs the USMCA.

https://twitter.com/som3thingwicked/status/1223250759753531392

Rod said...

AS for "We needed more witnesses": After Senate vote today denying witnesses there; please remember the witness count for these charges is still at 17 for the Dims vs 0 for White House, whose proposed witnesses in the House were disallowed. Trump will soon be acquitted. Fuck them all on the left; shall we now ALL just quit listening or caring what they think? INSTEAD let's start watching more for what they're doing on voter fraud & election cheating.

Pete (Detroit) said...

Some years back, Our New(ish) mayor hired a New (to us) Chief. Councilman Scumbag (forget whom, exactly, but a well known scumbag) Was seen weaving on the road after coming out of a club, late at night. His passenger was smoking a joint (claimed medical, but that doesn't make it legal in a car) and an empty bottle in the back seat. Failing the field test, Councilman MSNBC pushed his council ID to the rookie, literally playing the 'Do you know' card. Rookie calls it in, desk Sgt says 'write him up for a taillight, let him go'
Mon am, the 'Honorable' show up in court, and pitches a fit.
Makes news.
Mayor calls chief "Is this the way things work around here?"
Chief (In Clouseau voice) "Not any more"
Sgt in question got two weeks leave w/o pay.
Council member got a tail for two weeks "for his protection"
NO one has tried that since.
Most famously played (locally) by corruptocrat mayor Kwami Kilpatrick's girlfriend. His wife was about furious, I tell you what!
https://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/detroit/2016/02/16/christine-beatty-steve-harvey/80457988/

Brie Camembert said...

One can only hope that the acquittal will be followed by Porky Pig saying. “Th th that’s all folks!”

igor said...

Well, the Senate done the deed. No witnesses. 53 to 47, IIRC...

BUT WHY THE HELL DO THEY NEED TO GO TO WEDNESDAY TO FINISH THE JOB, ANYWAY??!!??

Slackers

JustaJeepGuy said...

Maybe the Demo_Rats will learn that it isn't a good idea to impeach the President just for winning the election. Well, we can hope, can't we?

Rod said...

If we can tolerate their double standards, whining & BS without violence; control the media; and DIM's ongoing cheating... IMO they will learn it loud & clear in November. THAT & prison time for some key traitors may be worth all of this.

rickn8or said...

Pete (Detroit), I wonder what would have happened if the councilman had had an accident, killing or injuring a third party before getting home.

It seems to me the patrolman, his sergeant and the city would be on the hook for a very large civil suit.

Unclezip said...

Facebook gets all pissy if you try to put DoucheNozzles.com in a message. Heh. Thanks, John.

Dan said...

@M. Mitchell Marmel: As far as witnesses go, I don't see any reason why Senate Judiciary or Foreign Relations committees don't call the Bidens, Ciaramella, Schiff-for-brains, etc. for a "let's take a look" hearing.

The Senate Budget, Banking, Select Cmte on Ethics, and probably a few more could stick their noses in and call hearings as well.

Pat Cummings said...

True, @Dan, @M. Mitchell Marmel. Plus action on the results of Senate hearings of the non-impeachment kind do not require a 2/3 majority to enact...

Wonder how Brother Romney would vote on an order to hear from "additional witnesses" re: Ukraine and Burisma (or the House Intelligence staff's interaction with The Whistleblower, prior to his blowing the whistle, for that matter) with no Congressional Management to impress with his bi-partisanship?

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