The Jarlsberg Diaries - Songs in Space

Who here wants to hear more about the coronavirus and political discord? Nobody, right?! Which is why I'm taking inspiration from the sainted Monty Pythons and going with "something completely different" today - another installment of "The Jarlsberg Diaries" in which I share some of the oddities of my life and career. And there have been plenty.

In this case, we're going back 20 years or so. At the time, I was involved in a number of showbiz type pursuits, songwriting being one of them. And so it was that my musical partner and I (okay, mostly him) were approached to submit spec songs for the movie "Muppets in Space." It would be a high-profile and presumably very profitable enterprise if they bought any or all of the songs we created.

For two of the demo songs, I sang the parts of all the different Muppets - probably a dozen characters. "It Takes Two to Tangle" was sung by Miss Piggy as she beat the stew out of some guy, and "It's a Party Just To Be With You" was the big blowout song for the finale. "Make it have the feeling and energy of the song 'Celebration'," the producers specified. And they knew what they wanted, because in the end they just licensed 'Celebration.'

All together, we wrote and recorded three songs to submit - none of which sold. Dammit. But in this period of involuntary retrospection, it seemed like a fun time to revisit one of them.

In the movie, a crazed alien-hunter working for the government is trying to catch Gonzo the muppet, believing him to be from Outer Space (spoiler alert: he is)...

Jeffrey Tambor's finest moment

The song we submitted is called "When I Get My Hands on You," and features the villainous alien-hunter rhapsodizing about everything he was going to do when Gonzo was finally in his clutches.

I wrote the lyrics and my grammy-winning partner wrote, arranged, and produced the music. And on this one, we used a real singer (several, actually) which is why it remains my favorite of the tracks to this day. And I hope you'll enjoy it, too!

FROM THE VAULT: HOG HEAVEN

The Democrats are treating the Covid-19 crisis as an answered prayer, cramming everything they've ever wanted into the necessary-to-pass emergency relief bill. Sadly, it's unlikely that some poor bastard fighting for breath in a hospital (or quite likely at home) will benefit much from taxpayer dollars going to boost solar and wind power, mandating new levels of "diversity" in boardrooms, or forcing new emissions standards on the already crippled flight industry.

And as long as they're holding America hostage, the Dems have also called for $300 million to go to the National Endowment for the Arts, another $300 million for (ahem) "migration assistance," and $35 million going to the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. An institution where, ironically, they give you dirty looks for coughing during a performance.

All of which put us in mind of this cartoon from 2009. New crisis, same old Democrats...

Tick Tock Tic-Tacs

The cartoon above represents the kind of wild, out-of-the-box ideas that ordinary Americans can come up with during these trying times to help make sure that our investment in Tic-Tacs stock doesn't tank any further.

Moreover, using Tic-Tacs can improve what few social interactions we have left...

On a less comical note, we'd like to call your attention to a valuable resource from a singularly good source of information we've been paying attention to: the Peak Prosperity Home Lockdown Survival Guide.

Note that to read the whole report (which contains many useful links) you need to sign up for an account, but it's easy-peasy and doesn't cost anything. Or if you prefer to get your information in an audio/video way, here's an overall review of the survival guide from Peak Prosperity's excellent Youtube channel:

Okay, enough of that for now. We'll close today by sharing a video which we much enjoyed (granted, we have unusual tastes). What if all of the little white lies that parents tell their children in order to make them behave turned out to be true...?

Bad Rap

Joe Biden says, "makes sense to me."

We don't have a lot of time for today's post, owing to an avalanche of chores which have been stacking up since the Bat Soup hit the fan. For one thing, we just had to fill out our census form and it made us wonder: wouldn't it make more sense to postpone the census until next year and then just count the survivors?

We also have to attend to our retirement portfolio. Not that we can do anything to save it, but it only seems proper for us to toot out "Nearer My God to Thee" on the kazoo as it sinks out of sight.

Also complicating things is the fact that Daughter Jarlsberg moved back home last Friday ("just in the nickel dime," as the saying goes) and so we have her entire house's worth of stuff to somehow sort and incorporate into our modest home. On the plus side, having stuff strewn everywhere really adds to the post-apocalyptic chic which we expect to become popular.

We should be back to more normal posting soon. For now, have a great weekend of social distancing, and remember that our comments section is always a contagion-free zone!