Friday, March 20, 2020

Bad Rap

donners, coronavirus, covid-19, stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change
Joe Biden says, "makes sense to me."
We don't have a lot of time for today's post, owing to an avalanche of chores which have been stacking up since the Bat Soup hit the fan. For one thing, we just had to fill out our census form and it made us wonder: wouldn't it make more sense to postpone the census until next year and then just count the survivors?

We also have to attend to our retirement portfolio. Not that we can do anything to save it, but it only seems proper for us to toot out "Nearer My God to Thee" on the kazoo as it sinks out of sight.

Also complicating things is the fact that Daughter Jarlsberg moved back home last Friday ("just in the nickel dime," as the saying goes) and so we have her entire house's worth of stuff to somehow sort and incorporate into our modest home. On the plus side, having stuff strewn everywhere really adds to the post-apocalyptic chic which we expect to become popular.

We should be back to more normal posting soon. For now, have a great weekend of social distancing, and remember that our comments section is always a contagion-free zone!


j said...

Hope your daughter is doing OK. Thanks for all the smiles you provide fpr all of us. You are awesome.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

Don't forget to shake a tree branch over your census form.

That way...

( •_•)>⌐■-■

You can take leaf off your census!

mamafrog said...

I feel your daughter's pain on that, still working on my move almost three years later. Three bed house down to two rooms and my kitchen crap. And somehow I wound up with an extra dog in all that?

You guys stay safe down there, I think she got of Oklahoma before the Utah Jazz came through so good for her. Now I hear a baby has it and someone in a nursing home, so it begins.

NaCly Dog said...

Ah, family togetherness.

Keep safe. We need your humor more than ever. Are you going to break in the next generation to manufacturing humor?

Hand washing is the new head on a swivel. Because COVID-19 crazed politicos and bureaucrats have a Mattis plan.

REM1875 said...

Never let an opportunity to laugh go to waste ........
Cause pretty soon that is all we are going to have left .....

Other things may get a little scarce ......
Hope ya got enough clan McHorseliniment to last out the emergency !!!

Rod said...

I'm back since the other place is pretty well "isolated" now. We're doing that here as well. It's good that I can go back & forth, stay busy & get a few things done without help; and thereby stay sane.

Can't say this about all individuals yet; but government, organizations, schools, churches, stores & businesses are taking the Isolation / Sanitation advice (or Order) seriously. It's encouraging that this will have positive effect.

Catching up: It seems the Irish server girl is GOOD at show business. And Lefty is dumb enough to be a Dem. candidate for POTUS; but my goodness she sure is cute. And after this morning's lead-off cartoon, I'm expecting Johnny Optimism to show up here any time.

Maybe this virus will blow on by soon; & in the meantime key Democrat activists who's names we'll not mention, but their initials are Pelosi & Schiff, will keep on socializing.

Anonymous said...

If the govt. does the census now before the body count, states will be able to get more federal govt. money since that's based on their populations.

Have you seen this? Notice the DATE of the job posting. Either this is a very strange coincidence or a nightmare conspiracy theory come true:

Bruce Bleu said...

Hope you will do well blending into one household easily. My wife and I have been "empty nesters" since 1989, and have gotten rather protective of our solitude from others. Neither of our kids have moved back, but that just might be that we are so anti-social that our multiple personalities have moved on as well.

Fred Ciampi said...

So California orders everyone to stay home. What about the gazillion people who are living on the streets? Asking for a friend.

Phil said...

To Fred Ciampi,

I read that San Francisco is forcing hotels to take in the street people. That's property seizure, right? So add that the the list of our constitutional rights that the Dems are pissing on.

To Stilton,

Good luck with moving your daughter back into your home. I am hoping her move is financially, not medically, necessitated. Either way, the best to you and yours.

Colby, Jack said...

I plan to use my new-"found" time in Solitary Confinement to learn how to read...

...books again. Just started a short novel, "We Begin Our Ascent" by J.M. Reed; made it through the first chapter - 18 pages! - w/out falling asleep. Any other bookworms out there?

RE Social Distancing: Thing 1(the Socialist), has been chiding Mrs. Colby(the Liberal) for continuing to trudge in to the office daily. Meanwhile, I(the unabashed Free Thinker of the family) work @ home, so Thing 1's Dad is now A-OK by her. For now, at least. We've opened our home to Thing 1 and her husband; they live very nearby - in the Twin Cities, MN. We've opened our home to Thing 2(the Law student) & her beau in Chicago but they are resisting the urge. So far. I, for one, enjoy all of their company & hope they do come to Shelter-In-Place. But we're fortunate and have plenty of space for them all.

Good luck to all of you, too. Keep us laughing - and talking to each other - Stilt! And everybody: share some "Love In The Time of Fluhan."

Sortahwitte said...

Stilt, thank you for your continuing effort to keep us (relatively) sane and laughing. I saw where the next item of hoarding is ammo. Luckily, I have plenty. Just ask my wife. The Donners have already found a place in my tiny heart. They take neighborly to an all, new level. So glad the little kid is back home. As a dad, I envy you. My girls are both near 50 and I miss them when they are not around. Like now. They both keep in touch by text, email and phone to remind (harp) us to remain secluded. I love it when they show love.

@Colby, Jack. I have been reading actual paper type books for a very long time. I just finished "The Splendid and the Vile" by Eric Larsen. It's about Winston Churchill and his family during the Battle of Britain. I have just started "Chernobyl" by Serhii Polhky. He is a professor of Ukrainian history and this is supposedly the "official" history of the colossal clusterfluck. Happy reading. I have also found a guy on YouTube named Nickolas Means. Worth your time.

John the Econ said...

Got our census form yesterday. I tried to dump it on Mrs. Econ to do, but she wouldn't have it. I warned her that I did it, I'd likely answer either ironically or sarcastically. We'll see.

I will not be tending to my portfolio as it's dead already. Okay, not really, but there isn't much I can do about it. Mrs. Econ asked what I was going to do with our "stimulus check". I'll probably invest it with the knowledge that just like with the others, it's really an unsolicited payday loan that will ultimately cost two or three times it was that we borrowed.

In the meantime, we'll continue with our self-imposed sequestration. Not so much because we're afraid of dying, but because we have a lot of more vulnerable people that we're watching over that we won't be able to help should be become infected. That's something that is clearly not on the minds of these narcissistic morons.

Pat Cummings said...

We moved from North (Korea)/(Vietnam)/California over a year ago, and still have boxes of stuff in the garage and basement that we have not unpacked. I think that will be a project for this time when we are restricted (mostly) to hanging around the house.

In re: "China Flu," I got inveigled by The Spouse into watching a two-year-old documentary on the "Spanish Flu," which pointed out rather firmly that it originated in Kansas, not Spain. (Or to quote Wikipedia, "To maintain morale, World War I censors minimized early reports of illness and mortality in Germany, the United Kingdom, France, and the United States. Papers were free to report the epidemic's effects in neutral Spain, such as the grave illness of King Alfonso XIII, and these stories created a false impression of Spain as especially hard hit." (Though they add in the same paragraph that "Historical and epidemiological data are inadequate to identify with certainty the pandemic's geographic origin."

I only mention it because another theory of its origin (circa 1993) is that the 1918 Influenza actually also may have come from China, specifically as a pandemic following the Chinese flu of 1917, which was then exposed to the rest of the world when Chinese laborers were brought into the European theater of WWII.

@M. Mitchell Marmel: I'll say it for every: "groan"

@Sortahwitte, @Colby, Jack: I thank Someone daily for my prescience in getting the new Kindle Oasis with all its storage space (several years ago). By now I've got hundreds—in fact, nearly a thousand—books in my To Be Read folder. So what am I doing in this hunkered-down, snowy town in Utah? Re-reading my favorite "comfort" books and eschewing the new, as-yet-unread ones in the TBR category... Except for the bathroom books, of course; those are paperbacks of all sizes, suitable to be read a few pages at a time. Like The Big Change by Frederick Lewis Allen, which is a transitional history of the half-century from ~1900 to ~1950, written from the perspective of 1952.

igor said...

Re: The Census - I always return my form with the bare minimum information on it. I cross out the rest of the questions and write, "See the Constitution, Article 1, Section 2, paragraph 3". I've never had any problem with the Gubmint busybodies, they can get the rest of the information they need because it's publicly available!

Never had a problem with them.

As for reading, I found out decades ago I'm allergic to the mold in the pulp paperbacks, so I went digital as soon as I could. Going to the "bookstore" has never been easier!!

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Pat: Thenkew. Been using that same rotten joke every ten years since at least 1990. :D

Gonzo57 said...

The Great Influenza: The Story of the Deadliest Pandemic in History

Author: John M. Barry

Absolutely fascinating read on the 1918 "Spanish Flu" pandemic.

Colby Muenster said...

So... it looks like I'll be working from home starting Monday. Oboy! I can join my grandson, who's taking online classes from his university, his two younger brothers taking online classes from their high school, and my wife who is teaching her fiddle lessons via Facetime. I'm pretty sure my awesome Spectrum internet service will handle all of this just fine (sarc. off).

I did have a rather enjoyable moment yesterday at the grocer's, though. Fully expecting to be disappointed, I made my way to the toilet paper isle. Lo and behold, there were a few packages of the coveted stuff, along with a big sign stating "one per customer please." When I got to the checkout, there was some well dressed old biddy with six giant 24 roll packs in her cart. The cashier girl told her she could only ring up one pack. When the well dressed old biddy protested, the store manager intervened, and took five of her packs away. Priceless!

Rod said...

@ igor (above) Being of similar mind about over-the-top census questions; I looked up U.S.Constitution A1, S2, P3 & don't immediately grasp the point of your reference. Would you mind clarifying? The only thing I see which might fit is Section 1 and the "Powers herein granted" which is often strictly interpreted as "A right not stated is not given. Thanks.

Joseph ET said...

We have learned a new word because of this Quarantine. The new word is “NOVINOPHOBIA”.
It’s the fear of running out of wine because the wine store may not be on the list of essential business.

Navyvet said...

Re your portfolio....and mine for that matter. My theory is that once the the buy back lasts over 2 or 3 days, it will become an avalanche. I hope the media pukes commit suicide.

EJ said...

Glad to hear daughter is back, Home is the one place that is always open.
Love your blog,best of Johnny.

DougM said...

Donner Family, good'n
Next panel: they drag-in whoever it was and put 'em in the freezer

DougM said...

Be a shame if it was a neighborhood kid selling TP door-to-door for a school fundraiser

NVRick said...

We went to Costco yesterday. When we arrived we saw a ginormous line at the door. We were deciding whether a long wait was something we wanted to do (and so close to other people), when a gentleman in a car pulled up and told us that Costco set up a separate entry for folks over 60 years old. There was no wait, and for once I was glad that I spent 73 years qualifying for something free.
On the way home, we stopped at a Smiths (a division of Kroger) to pick up a prescription for my wife. We also got some milk and a few other things. I was happy to see that on many shelves were posts that limited purchase to one item.
The shelves looked to be well stocked and didn't see any evidence of price gouging. The only thing we couldn't find at either store was ground beef. What's the deal with that?

Rod said...

I seem to remember when young: When we went to the neighborhood grocery market; sometimes in good weather a 10-block walk round-trip; otherwise a very short drive. The hamburger beef was already cut up in big chunks & kept cold; but hamburger was only ground & packaged to order in waxed butcher paper. Butcher: "How much ya' want?" Does anyone else remember this?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@j- Daughter J is doing fine, thank you!

@M. Mitchell Marmel- What a shame that you can only use that gag once every 10 years...

@mamafrog- Moving a houseload of stuff is AWFUL. Moving it to a house that's already full is, well, awfuller. Fortunately, her bigger items went into storage, but there's still a lot of sorting that needs to be done. It appears, though, that we'll have time!

@NaCly Dog- Daughter J has absolutely inherited my sense of humor! I just hope she chooses to use her powers for good.

@REM1875- I have no choice other than to keep making jokes, though they may get pretty dark. It's just how I'm wired. And I've got about a month's worth of Clan MacGrimace left. If I can't go shopping at that time, I've got two boxes of weird crap that I haven't wanted to drink unless it's an emergency. Peach Brandy, Key Lime Rum, Chocolate Jalapeno Tequila, etc.

@Rod- I actively encourage Schiff and Pelosi to press the flesh with as many people as possible. And as you suggested, the line between Stilton's Place and Johnny Optimism is getting to be razor thin. The "Donner Family" were occasional visitors to Johnny's hospital, treating it like a freak show. Fun people!

@Anonymous- I don't find the job listing overly suspicious, although I'll grant you it's a little eerie.

@Bruce Bleu- We'll do fine with everyone under one roof, although adjustments will have to be made. For one thing, I now have to wear pants.

@Fred Ciampi- That would be one of those "paradox" things we've heard so much about.

@Phil- It's property seizure if the hotels are being forced to take the street people for free. More likely, the government will be paying their bills. And by "government," I of course mean you and me. As far as my daughter's move, it had nothing to do with medical need or even the arrival of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The move was planned ahead of time for better job opportunities. Obviously, that's now on hold for a bit!

@Colby, Jack- I hate to admit it, but it takes a very special (or tawdry) book to keep me reading without dosing off. Mind you, I LOVE the written word, but I get drowsy unless a lot is happening on the page. It will be interesting to see how many people end up under your roof. I wish them good luck and good health wherever they happen to be!

@Sortahwitte- Oh, I'll be here joking until they carry me out feet first. My legacy will consist of people asking "what the hell was he thinking?!" As far as hoarding ammo, I say more power to the good guys...and I hope that things won't turn into civil violence. And I'm glad your daughters are staying in touch, and agree that it's nice when our kids show love. Happily, that's not rare around here.

Thanks for the reading suggestions. We may have to start exchanging ideas here!

@John the Econ- Happily, I got the short form of the Census which didn't really want to know much other than how many people live here, what color we are, and our gender identification. I was ready to answer ironically, but didn't really get the chance.

Regarding my portfolio, I reluctantly sold off some things because there are only so many days where you can incur staggering losses (granted, on paper) before it ceases to be amusing. I plan to buy back in eventually, but no time soon - I don't think the bottom is even remotely in sight yet (unless the drugs being tested to treat Covid-19 prove to be miracle workers).

And I personally want to drop kick these young morons who are partying and saying "If I get sick, I get sick." HEY ASSHOLES, IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU! It's a generation of Typhoid Marys - not that they'd have any idea who that was.

Edam Wensleydale said...

@Stilton: In re: these young morons, I say, if they want to party on the beach, let 'em. Just don't let them LEAVE the beach. For any reason whatsoever. Let Nature take its course.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Pat Cummings- Interesting info about the (non) Spanish Flu. I wouldn't be surprised if it DID come from China, what with those people eating things for which we'd call a pest control company.

Regarding Kindle readers, I've got a couple of standard (cheap) Kindles, plus a nice Kindle Paperwhite. We've got hundreds of books on there - and I made a point of downloading all of the survival manuals I could find, then getting a solar charger for the Kindle in case the grid goes down. Paranoia is my special little friend.

@igor- I would've LIKED to cross out sections, but I wasn't given the opportunity. With Amazon Alexa devices all over my house, the gummint probably already has everything they need to know about me.

And if you like pulp-type books, check out the "megapacks" from Wildside Press on Amazon. Lots of 99¢ collections that are hundreds of pages of old stuff without a moldy smell!

@M. Mitchell Marmel- The classics never go out of style.

@Gonzo57- I may read that if I get my nerve up. Gulp.

@Colby Muenster- I've pretty much made my living at home with a computer for decades now, so the adjustment won't be too hard, other than any distractions offered by roving gangs of marauders.

@Rod- When I look up that section of the Constitution, it says "in the event the government gets too fnoopy, a citizen may tell them to eat fhit." Although I think those fancy "f" letters are supposed to be "s".

@Joseph ET- Oh my gosh, don't even joke about such things! (Note to self: learn how to build a still)

@Navyvet- I think that buyback is a long way off, UNLESS there's irrefutable evidence that new drug therapies are effective. If that happens, you definitely want to be in the market that day.

@EJ- We're so glad to have our daughter back! Which would have been true even if this wasn't "circle the wagons" time.

@DougM- I'm sure the Donner Family will do a variation of that action soon. They'll be turning up here regularly. And wow, a kid COULD get rich selling toilet paper these days!

@NVRick- I hope more businesses make special allowances for us codgers. And I've got no explanation for the lack of ground beef, other than that it's such a staple for so many people (and families) that I can see where there would be a lot of demand.

@Rod- I think I remember that, but can't say I'm sure. I might be recalling a murder scene.

@Edam Wensleydale- Good idea! Of course, these idjits would probably be thrilled by the idea (until the coughing starts).

JustaJeepGuy said...

I got something from the census in the mail. A few days later I got the same thing again, but by then I'd already gone online and filled out the E-form.

In 1980, my older brother told me he was going to put his cat on the form as his dependent living with him. He died three days after Mt. St. Helens erupted and I never knew if he listed his cat.

Fish Out of Water said...

@Igor: The Census only asks for a bare minimum of information. If the "Census" asks for anything more, it's probably NOT the Census.

With much of the public venues shut down here and elsewhere, I predict that nine months hence, there are going to be a lot of very busy obstetricians.

MAJ Arkay said...

Our census asked name, sex (only two choices), date of birth, marriage status (with fifteen choices or so), do we own house (several choices there), anyone of Hispanic descent (about six choices there), and race. Last one was interesting, as they also wanted to know if you descended from particular locales. Since we've done our genealogical DNA, we listed all the DNA links (just to mess with them, you see). It was fun.

Since the census missed us in 2010 (we were on the road, moving from work location to retirement location), we did want to be in this one. Genealogists about 80 years from now will thank us...

mamafrog said...

Has anyone heard about a hospital in France looking at quinine for treating people with this flu? Might be time to stock up on tonic water. You don't want to drink too much of it at a time but and a G and T might make the symptoms more bearable.

Boligat said...

Okay, folks, I need some advice. My son and his wife have nine children. They travel in a big, ol' van. How are they going to maintain 'social distancing' and groups of less than ten?

I suggested that they strap the kiddy car seats on top of the van, but there are low hanging branches on the driveway to their home. My daughter-in-law tells me that they have to eat in shifts. Other than that, what can they do?

Rod said...

Don't bathe; maximize distance and keep windows open.

Pat Cummings said...

Interesting item popped up in my Web-play today:

No, it has nothing to do with the current black beast haunting our daily lives... As the Denver-based research firm admitted on their blog, "So we know right now you’re probably associating the word corona with some negative things, and based on our website analytics a fair number of you found our company by accident while you were researching bad things."

I went ahead and subscibed to their quarterly email newsletter, The Corona Observer. Who knows? Maybe they'll have some pertinent observations in the coming year on that topic their name does not refer to!

@MAJ Arkay, @Igor, @Fish Out of Water, @JustaJeepGuy: we also got our census form, followed by a repeat several days after we had gone online to respond. As always, the US Census relies on people telling the truth when they respond. But JustaJeepGuy's brother's cat would be a drop in the bucket of miscounted, over/undercounted and otherwise wrong numbers that come out of the effort. Most such vanish into the wealth of data that is produced by most census counts. I'm sure there are those of us here who remember the count of toilets and televisions in your house, or the enumeration of basements...

@Boligat: Count the ones in the kiddy car-seats as a half person for group-size purposes.

@Rod: Eww! Remember, we each are constrained to be "in place" with those who share our shelter... Have some consideration, man!

Pat Cummings said...

Don't miss: Today’s Toons from Pookie18 on The Right Reasons

My favorite: "The only way the coronavirus will die is if it has dirt on the Clintons."

REM1875 said...

"I haven't wanted to drink unless it's an emergency. Peach Brandy, Key Lime Rum, Chocolate Jalapeno Tequila, etc."

Holy cow I can't imagine an emergency that serious ......... That is absolutely frightening ... Beyond Armageddon !!!
Well the peach brandy I can see for coughs (I asked a Dr once what the difference between brandy and cough syrup was ...... he said "the price") Key lime rum may make a decent 17th 18th and 19th century Navy Grog to prevent scurvy in case it's a truly long cruise ..... But the rest of this ???
Let us pray it all remains sealed and this China Virus ends ..........

John the Econ said...

Census: Happily, we got the short form. The only opportunity for political expression was the "what race are you" fill-in question. I have a fair grasp of what particular northern European mix I and Mrs. Econ are made up of, but really didn't see the point of listing them all since the list would not be 100% certain. I simply entered "American".

The Morons: I had only wished that the interviewer had asked these kids who'd they be voting for in November. Would have been interesting. My guess is that it would have been for whoever they expected to get the most free stuff from.

Speaking of stupid:

How smoking, vaping and drug use might increase risks from Covid-19

Vape-up, kids!

Pat Cummings said...

@John the Econ: Vaping/smoking/opiod use increases threat from Wuhan Fru? I can't say I'm surprised. As long as they don't make a (statistical) connection between the virus infection and (medicinal) alcohol consumption—or daily caffiene intake—we're good here in the Cummings shelter...

Sortahwitte said...

Our pastor preached the sermon from his home this morning on facebook. Only downer: Sioux made me change from my night pajamas into my daytime pajamas. Yesterday we took a social distance drive out to our city lake. 50 degrees, partly cloudy, windy. Glorious. Lots of other cars looking at the empty playgrounds, empty swimming beach, empty picnic pavilions, no ski boats. Soon enough I guess. Good to get outside and breathe. Maybe it will keep the cabin fever at bay.

Rod said...

@ Stilton re: Constitution above. Well, OK then. I missed that in the research but am glad it's covered. Maybe it was the spelling. And it's starting to get a little stir-crazy here.

Buck said...

Absolutely loved the Cautionary Tale video. Made me smile, so important after working so many long days of work... Thanks Silt!

Semper Fidelis, Ignatius