Witch Glitch

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The only reason we don't think "candidate" Joe Biden is actually a motion-capture creation is because he exhibits so little motion and so few human traits. Seriously, why go to a lot of high-tech trouble to create an end product as boring and unconvincing as what we're seeing?

As for the Dem's virtual convention, we're happy to admit that we've only been subjected to a few short clips. Which is all we can take before that vein in our forehead starts pulsing like a frog's leg hooked to a Sears Diehard Battery. These are the worst people in the world, and we're saying that fully cognizant of the existence of serial killers, kiddy diddlers, and Rap artists.

Still, we've heard that the usual media poltroons are saying that Michelle Obama's speech was so spectacularly good that there is an actual possibility, still unconfirmed, that it brought George Floyd back from the grave. 

Of course, she's made previous convention appearances which also caught our attention...

FROM THE VAULT: CONVENTIONAL WISDUMB (7/27/2016)

The Democratic convention is in full swing which, through Herculean effort, we will not use as a set up for a joke involving nooses. Oh sure, it would be funny - but (to quote Richard Nixon) "it would be wrong, that's for sure."

Especially since one of the opening evening's speakers was Michelle Obama, the wife of our nation's first half-white black president, there to give a ringing endorsement to Hillary Clinton - the wife of our nation's first all-white black president.

Choosing, as ever, to take the high road, Michelle whined for the umpteenth time that she wakes up each day "in a house built by slaves" - which she apparently finds more upsetting than having her pricey wardrobe, dozens of personal "assistants," and luxury 5-star vacations paid for by today's wage slaves.

We're Having Crumb Fun Now

Much like Happy Hooligan, we're just trying (emphasis on trying) to relax a little today. All is fine within the weird and ever-changing definition of "fine" in 2020. See you in the comments section!

BUT AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE...

LOOK! UP IN THE SKY! IT'S A BIRD! IT'S A PLANE! IT'S...WAIT, WHAT?!

While watching a movie on Sunday afternoon ("The Firm," which is quite good even if you think Tom Cruise is an annoying dweeb) we kept hearing aircraft overhead. Which, after five or ten minutes, starts getting troubling. Is it a police aircraft looking for serial killers who escaped from a prison bus? An aircraft monitoring a "mostly peaceful" BLM/Antifa riot which is burning down our neighborhood? Has Amelia Earhart finally showed up?!

But no. When we checked outside, it was a small plane towing a banner. And this is what it said:

Yes, it's the "Chinese Texans for Trump," because why wouldn't it be? And we thank them for adding a surreal note to our day.

Okay, 2020, We Get The Joke Already

Thanks to medical science, Mrs. J will someday be able to wave again. Or at least give the finger.

It's getting a bit embarrassing to keep making blog posts about the fact that I can't really guarantee blog posts for awhile. And yet, here we are.

Recently, Mrs. J sustained a compression fracture in her spine which is not only painful in its own right, but also gave her a condition called "foot drop" which makes walking difficult, and greatly increases the risk of taking a fall. Which is, of course, exactly what happened on Wednesday afternoon. We were in the back yard planning some gardening chores when Mrs. J's foot snagged on an uneven service and she fell, hard, onto concrete.

This only days after receiving a diagnosis of severe osteoporosis, and a printout from the doctor saying "try to avoid falling." Which, to be fair, was topnotch advice.

At the Emergency Room, X-rays showed broken bones. Before splinting, Mrs. J was hooked up to the contraption above to slowly pull the bones back into alignment and, possibly, force her to reveal troop movements. Everything was then wrapped in bandages and her arm was put in a sling. Oddly, no pain meds were prescribed, which we're really puzzling over right now for all the wrong reasons. Damnit.

She was supposed to have the splint replaced by a cast today, but the orthopedic surgeon has decided to wait for a week to see if things are healing in a good way or not. Because "not" is what he's thinking, and the likelihood of surgery has been raised.

So this is sort of a rough time with a lot of forced changes in our daily lives, which makes it likely that I'll only post an actual cartoon if I get a "bolt of lightning" idea which is too good to waste. And that happens with a fair amount of frequency.

In any event, the blog will be here and I'll be here every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but things are going to be patchier than usual for awhile.

BUT AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE...

We're absolutely in favor of responsible mask-wearing during the pandemic. Still, we had to laugh when Joe Biden, following his stern statement that if he were president he'd make mask-wearing mandatory, managed to cover his entire face just before wandering offstage.

Forget the White House - someone get this guy a white cane!