Ruthless

Note: This is not a Ruth Bader Ginsburg joke. It is a "wise Latina" joke.

Even though we can no longer hear or see the spinning blades, yet more crap has hit the fan in 2020. In this case, the passing of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg at age 87. You don't have to have agreed with her politics to concede that she was a formidable and groundbreaking woman who accomplished a lot, and who fought a terrible illness with great strength and bravery. 

Now there is an empty seat on the Supreme Court, and yet another battle royale over whether President Trump has the right to try to push through a replacement in what could possibly be the final days of his administration. As both political parties have passionately argued both sides of the issue in the past (unsurprisingly, they were in favor of whatever would most benefit them politically at the moment), we can effectively ignore whatever they're yammering about now.

Instead, let's look into the more interesting subject of just who Donald Trump will nominate for the position. He has already announced that he thinks the nominee should be a woman, which probably comes as a disappointment to Ted Cruz, whom Trump had declared to be on the short list. Then again, since Trump has never formally withdrawn his accusation that Ted Cruz's father helped assassinate JFK, it seems likely that a confirmation hearing could have gotten a wee bit contentious.

Personally, we'd like to see Trump nominate Hillary Clinton for the post because, in confirmation hearings, it would be hilarious to hear her endlessly invoking the Fifth Amendment or claiming memory lapses owing to head injuries. And BONUS - a fresh FBI investigation of her entire past!

So as President Trump reflects on who he wants to add to the Supreme Court, let's open the vault door to reflect on some relevant cartoons from the past...

Fatherly Wisdom

It is said that those who forget History are doomed to repeat it. Which is also true of other required classes like English and Biology, even though those subjects don't have snappy catchphrases.

But as we watch the current political power grab and the dismaying loss of moral clarity in the streets, we might do well to look to the lessons which history has to tell us. 

And so, as a special Friday treat, we present this instructive tale translated by Stilton's father. And yes, the film rights are available.

SIDE NOTE: 

This story really was written by my Dad - one of many he wished to compile in a book called "Sinister Tales for Sinister Children." Presumably so kids besides me and my siblings would be able to grow up filled with anxiety and paranoia.

One of these days, I still hope to put that book together. 

Totflix

By now, everyone has heard about the Netflix film "Cuties," which attempts to answer the burning societal question "can an 11-year-old Muslim girl find happiness by turning her back on family, joining a gang of misfit young girls, learning to twerk, and then grinding her pubic region on the floor in front of an audience while pretending to give a handjob?"

And the answer is no - it doesn't make her happy, although it does teach her how to jump higher than she could before when playing jump rope. No, really.

Many people are outraged that the filmmakers had actual 11-year-old actresses doing things that, in the words of prestigious film critic Mrs. J, "make you want to puke." But Netflix (under the guidance of luminaries like Barack and Michelle Obama) is defending the film by pointing out that its real message is that sexualizing pre-teen children for media consumption leads to nothing good for those girls if you don't count them getting into the movie business. Where, if they act quickly, they might catch the attention of Roman Polanski. 

Seriously, the film is a disjointed mess of largely unconnected and nonsensical scenes, interspersed with wildly inappropriate sexual content (at one point, the lead character goes into a frenzied pelvic-grinding, floor-humping trance state from which she can't be awakened...much to the dismay of a visiting imam).

Whether or not this is child pornography is a subject for the courts. But it's unquestionably bad for kids and bad for what little remains of our culture. And we can't wait to hear the highly-paid Obamas say so.

PLANETARY BODY

Researchers have announced that they have recently found possible signs of life on Venus, raising the real possibility that the Democrats are going to have to quickly print up a lot more mail-in ballots for our new neighbors.

The scientists involved have based their speculation on the discovery of phosphine gas in the atmosphere of Venus. A gas which is usually associated only with microbial activity (think "itty bitty farts") or human industrial activity (think much larger farts and unions). 

Should further research prove definitively that there is life on Venus, the next step will involve bringing a sample of the bio-organism back to Earth to study in a high-security site with impeccable containment capabilities and controls. Assuming, of course, that Joe Biden isn't still using it to broadcast from.