Dazed Dreaming

We're enjoying the midweek fantasy above to help carry us through yet another day of media (and stomach) churn. As of this writing, the actual honest-to-gosh state of President Trump's health is unknown and, apparently, unknowable. Mike Pence and Kamala Harris are still scheduled to debate, and we fully expect Kamala to accuse Pence of racism, extreme white privilege, homophobia, and masterminding the gang rape of young girls in High School. Hey, it got her on the media's radar once already, right?

Mail-in ballots (solicited, not mailed out willy-nilly) have arrived at the Jarlsberg household, and we'll probably get them mailed out within 24 hours. We'll be treating them as "get well" cards for the President and, hopefully, our nation.

BONUS: "WILL YOU SHUT UP, MA'AM?!"

Michelle Obama recently posted a Youtube rant in which she flat out calls Donald Trump a racist. Which made it seem appropriate for us to raid the vault for this old cartoon that reminds us why we never liked her and never will...

(from July 27, 2016)

The Democratic convention is in full swing which, through Herculean effort, we will not use as a set up for a joke involving nooses. Oh sure, it would be funny - but (to quote Richard Nixon) "it would be wrong, that's for sure."

Especially since one of the opening evening's speakers was Michelle Obama, the wife of our nation's first half-white black president, there to give a ringing endorsement to Hillary Clinton - the wife of our nation's first all-white black president.

Choosing, as ever, to take the high road, Michelle whined for the umpteenth time that she wakes up each day in a house built by slaves - which she apparently finds more upsetting than having her pricey wardrobe, dozens of personal "assistants," and luxury 5-star vacations paid for by slaves.

The Plague's The Thing

It remains to be seen whether last week's White House Rose Garden event will be remembered as the day President Trump presented Amy Coney Barrett as his Supreme Court nominee, or as the first meeting of the Biden transition team. Because every friggin' nitwit in the photo above who isn't wearing a mask has helped reduce Trump's chance of winning in November.

It's no great mystery how to avoid SARS-CoV-2: wear a mask for the protection of others, observe social distancing, and wash your damn hands. Had that been made a national priority and the message expressed clearly and truthfully from the beginning (thanks, Dr. Fauci, you lying dog) we wouldn't have even needed the shutdown.

And had President Trump consistently made this message clear, with both words and his own personal behavior,  then we'd already be well into a thriving and prosperous "new normal." But no. The protocol for avoiding a major Covid-19 outbreak in the White House was laughably ineffective, and almost certainly because of a "trickle down" disdain for common sense measures originating from the man in the Oval Office. 

Masks? Social distancing? Taking temperatures? All were largely ignored...and now the inevitable has happened. We could soon be looking at a Biden presidency (followed within hours by a Kamala Harris presidency) owing to the hubris of those who apparently didn't believe in science after all.

Many of you readers, dear friends all, aren't going to be happy with us for saying that. So just imagine how unhappy we are for having to write it. 

We certainly hope that the President (and the people in his immediate circle) will recover fully and quickly, that he will win re-election, and that everyone will have learned that virology and politics really don't mix.

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On a barely other note, this latest 2020 nightmare event has been a hard gut punch to our already wobbling last glimmer of optimism. And thinking about the upcoming election, we've been reminded of an old joke which sums up exactly how we're feeling about the important choice America is about to make...

You Can Debate On It

Following the entertaining but unenlightening free-for-all shoutfest debacle of 2020's first President Debate, new rules are being put into place to help assure that the next faceoff will be more dignified.

To that end, the candidates will have anvils on fraying ropes dangling over their heads as they sit in dunking booths above shark tanks. Should a candidate interrupt his opponent during a protected two minute speaking period, campaign representatives will be allowed to pitch baseballs at the dunk tank bullseye of the offending party until he either shuts the hell up or plunges into the pre-chummed water below.

Obviously, selecting the right representatives to pitch those balls becomes a critical element of the new debate strategy. "I brought the Big Ten back," boasted President Trump, "I'll have no problem getting a ball handler. And if you turn that into a Stormy Daniels joke, you're losing your press pass."

Exhibiting similar confidence, Joe Biden says "When it comes to throwing forcefully and accurately, you can't beat my Antifa guys. C'mon man, have you seen what those bastards can do with a Molotov cocktail?!"

Responding to nearly universal criticisms, the Rules Committee has also set up a mechanism by which debate viewers will be able to cast real-time votes on the performance of the moderator. Should audience approval slip below 70%, the host will be attacked by rabid hyenas.

Asked whether this might violate the Constitution's prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment, Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett wisely opined, "Well sure, it's cruel...but as long as they use the hyenas in all future debates, it won't be unusual. I give it a thumbs up!"

As should we all.

YIKES! BREAKING NEWS:

Of course, not everyone has heard the news yet...