A Fool and Your Money Are Soon Parted

Owing to our grueling schedule (it takes a surprisingly long time to make enough gruel to last all week), we're unable to post any 100% new content today but can assure you that there's also no 100% new news.

Which makes it a great time to swing wide the door of the Hope n' Change archival vault to remind everyone what an annoying, socialist tool Joe Biden is.

FROM THE VAULT: SHEKEL SHACKLES (Feb 27, 2015)

Joe Biden hosted a Black History Month event at his residence on Monday ("Try the hors d'oeuvres," he insisted, "They're all made with George Washington Carver's peanut butter!") and as usual ended up with controversial comments sticking to the roof of his mouth.

After years of hearing that taxpayers want him to keep his hands off their "cotton-picking money," Joe apparently came to believe that the money really is picking cotton, singing spirituals, and being held in slavery by the evil rich.

"This cannot stand!" Biden shouted at the invitees, nearly causing his stovepipe hat to topple. "It's not fair!"

"Business experts are saying that the concentration of wealth is stunting growth," Biden continued in a clear reference to former child star Gary Coleman, "So let's do something that's worthy of emancipation!"

Presumably, Biden's idea of emancipation consists of "freeing" money from the capitalist bastards who actually worked for it and using that liberated wealth for something much more important: the funding of the Left's vast, and nearly inescapable, vote-producing entitlement plantations.

Hope n' Change finds it sadly ironic, especially during Black History month, that when our nation got its first black president, he looked at all the possible contenders for vice president...and chose to pick a ninny.

Meanwhile at the NAACP...

The Flies Have It

For a disturbingly large number of people, the most fascinating thing about the recent Vice Presidential Debate occurred  when a large fly landed on Mike Pence's head and sat there for two hypnotic minutes. 

Pence seemed entirely unaware of the fly's presence despite the fact that it was putting on little skis and preparing for a downhill run across his snowy head of hair. Kamala Harris was definitely aware of the fly, and showed frustration at her inability to snap it up with her lizard-like projectile tongue owing to the stage's plexiglass barriers.

Okay, that part wasn't true. Probably. In reality, when Harris was asked following the debate if she'd ever had trouble with flies, she said "Well, I chipped a tooth once trying to open Willie Brown's."

But despite the amusing nature of this story, there is a growing undercurrent of suspicion that the incident wasn't as innocent as it seemed. Unnamed sources have spoken off the record to Stilton's Place and revealed that this was a deliberate and pre-planned attempt to embarrass Vice President Pence and that the man responsible had way, way too much time on his hands...

Dazed Dreaming

We're enjoying the midweek fantasy above to help carry us through yet another day of media (and stomach) churn. As of this writing, the actual honest-to-gosh state of President Trump's health is unknown and, apparently, unknowable. Mike Pence and Kamala Harris are still scheduled to debate, and we fully expect Kamala to accuse Pence of racism, extreme white privilege, homophobia, and masterminding the gang rape of young girls in High School. Hey, it got her on the media's radar once already, right?

Mail-in ballots (solicited, not mailed out willy-nilly) have arrived at the Jarlsberg household, and we'll probably get them mailed out within 24 hours. We'll be treating them as "get well" cards for the President and, hopefully, our nation.

BONUS: "WILL YOU SHUT UP, MA'AM?!"

Michelle Obama recently posted a Youtube rant in which she flat out calls Donald Trump a racist. Which made it seem appropriate for us to raid the vault for this old cartoon that reminds us why we never liked her and never will...

(from July 27, 2016)

The Democratic convention is in full swing which, through Herculean effort, we will not use as a set up for a joke involving nooses. Oh sure, it would be funny - but (to quote Richard Nixon) "it would be wrong, that's for sure."

Especially since one of the opening evening's speakers was Michelle Obama, the wife of our nation's first half-white black president, there to give a ringing endorsement to Hillary Clinton - the wife of our nation's first all-white black president.

Choosing, as ever, to take the high road, Michelle whined for the umpteenth time that she wakes up each day in a house built by slaves - which she apparently finds more upsetting than having her pricey wardrobe, dozens of personal "assistants," and luxury 5-star vacations paid for by slaves.