Can You Tell Me How To Guilt To Sesame Street?

The ever-popular children's show Sesame Street has added two new muppets, 5-year-old Wes and his father Elijah, to help teach the "ABC's of Racial Literacy" and racism in general. The move represents a growing trend in children's programming to teach that the color of someone's skin is really, really, really important. Which, sadly, is becoming truer every day. 

Sesame Street already had some muppets reflecting "people of color," which is a pretty hilarious descriptor in a world where everyone already sports a different neon-bright color of the rainbow. Although to be fair, now toddlers with white privilege can see with their own eyes that "people of color" have brown skin and bright orange and purple noses. 

The young muppets belong to the "Power of We" Club in which they learn how to become "upstanders" for racial justice, no matter what shop windows stand in their way.

And it would appear that Sesame Street's new racial awareness initiative is already shaping the worldview of those who watch every day. Like, say, Joe Biden...

In his dazed and halting comments to the press recently, Joe Biden declared that Republican initiatives to bring an iota of integrity to federal elections were so freakingly racist that "they make Jim Crow look like...Jim Eagle!"

Which would probably be a really powerful thing to say if anyone knew who the hell "Jim Eagle" is. We assume that he's a racist bird (not to be confused with the racist Byrd, a former Democrat Senator and Ku Klux Klan "Exalted Cyclops") who is even more racist than murderous, lynching Jim Crow, but presumably not as racist as genocidal Nazi bastard Jim California Condor.

And speaking of racism, since suddenly there are no other topics, we again reflect on the tragic wave of hate-crimes sweeping our nation... 

With the next syllable out of this guy's mouth, he's going to get his ass kicked so thoroughly that he'll feel like he took a wrong turn on the highway and ended up stranded on Sesame Street after midnight.

Seriously, if you're white and find yourself in a situation like this, you'd do better to fake a sudden heart attack and hope that the Human Resources director calls an ambulance for you to escape in.

Of course, there's always the risk that the Human Resources director might try to use a portable defibrillator on you...but if they were smart enough to pull that off without killing you, they probably wouldn't have to be working in human resources.

Something To Chew On

Proving once again that satire has become redundant, a symposium on empowerment for women is being co-chaired by Kamala "What Can Brown Do For You?" Harris and Bill "Keep Your Eye On The Cigar" Clinton. No comment is necessary nor, in the case of VP Harris, possible.

And speaking of Willies...

Yes, Biden really said that he can't imagine a single thing a man can do that a woman can't do as well or better. Which makes us wonder why he's wasting time pushing transgendered men into women's sports instead of just abolishing women's sports. If they can compete equally (or excel) then there shouldn't be men's or women's sports...just "sports." Of course, mandated diversity on every playing field might raise a few problems...

BONUS: IF IT AIN'T WOKE, DON'T FIX IT

And for breakfast they have Pup-tarts

For reasons we can't begin to fathom, former comic and talkshow host Jay Leno has come forward unbidden to flagellate himself for insensitive anti-Asian jokes he's made in the past about Koreans eating dogs. It was apparently a horrible, unfunny, unfair, ugly racial stereotype that Jay should never, ever have joked about.

As opposed to being an untrue stereotype. Because for about 1 in 6 people in South Korea, getting exercise has nothing to do with wokking their dog.

And every breed is a "chow."

Hate Has No (Funeral) Home Here

A funny thing happened in the unfunniest of all scenarios, specifically the mass murder event at a Boulder, Colorado grocery store. Despite the fact that the victims appear to be predominantly one race, the Progressive media hasn't yet labeled this a racial hate crime nor blamed any radical supremacist group for the violence as they did following the recent massage parlor killings in Atlanta. Nor can they easily blame Donald Trump, owing to the fact that the Boulder shooter was very vocal on social media about his opposition to President Trump. Of course, there's that whole "Trump created a climate of violence" canard, but it's gotten pretty stale. 

Additionally, it would be hard for the mainstream media to label this a "hate crime" because the shooter was born in Syria (a wonderful country), moved to the United States, and was raised in the Islamic faith (the best religion anywhere ever), greatly increasing the likelihood that he was "plain old crazy" rather than some kind of ideologue, religious fanatic, or privileged white Nazi bastard "Make America Great Again" Q-anon-listening Second Amendment sonofabitch descended from homophobic slave owners.

It would appear that, thanks to the strong influence of Joe "Buy a Shotgun" Biden, this particular massacre was entirely hate free. For which our mole-eyed president will no doubt receive the undying thanks of a grateful nation.

Well, "undying" as long as no Muslim with a grudge and a weapon shows up.