The Tale Is Wagging The Dog

In a recent news story that I'm not going to bother to read, it was reported that so-called "experts" have suddenly - almost magically - discovered records from China claiming that there were some wet market raccoon dogs that tested positive for Covid back in 2020. This is being cited as compelling evidence that Covid somehow originated in these poor, delicious dogs and NOT the nearby Wuhan biological lab that was simultaneously conducting Fauci-funded experiments to create exactly the same lethal virus strains that have since killed millions.

In fairness, this new evidence does make a compelling argument that governmental agencies and scientific experts believe, deeply and sincerely, that we must be effing morons.  

To begin with, faking the racoon dog test results would be preposterously easy to do. Secondly, even if the dogs did have Covid, it was already well established that humans (like, oh, millions of people in China) can pass the virus to dogs and other mammals without the little beasties being required to spontaneously master bio-lab level gene splicing. Additionally, there are still no known examples of raccoon dogs or any other varmints who haven't been exposed to humans testing positive for the Wuhan-strain of Covid.

For this reason, anyone who tells you that Covid came from raccoon dogs is either announcing their own stunning ignorance and naivete, calling you a blithering idiot, or both.

In related news, when Dr. Anthony Fauci was asked to comment on this story, he confirmed that wet market raccoon dogs "taste like Covid-infected chicken."

ARRESTING DEVELOPMENT

Also in the alleged news, it is widely believed that former President Donald Trump will be indicted and arrested on Tuesday, accused of falsifying business records. Oh, not the kind of business records falsified and destroyed by Fauci's Wuhan Lab partners to conceal their liability for holocaust-level mass murder. No, we're talking about Trump potentially mischaracterizing the money paid to porn whore Stormy Daniels to keep her yap shut about having a sexual dalliance with The Don.

Granted, everyone thought this was resolved years ago, back when I was doing cartoons like this...

And this cartoon, after the over-the-hill stripper lost her defamation case against Donald Trump and was ordered to pay all of his legal bills relating to the case...

Frankly, I don't care about Trump's personal life and am tired of the unending harassment he's suffered. Especially when those who are genuinely guilty of crimes go unpunished...

Green and Beer It

In commemoration of St. Patrick's Day, Joe Biden lost a battle of wits today with a potted plant that he believed to be a leprechaun. A visibly agitated Biden resisted efforts to drag him from his chair, claiming that he'd get a pot of gold if he won the staring contest that had already been going for 45 minutes. 

Eventually, alleged Dr. Jill Biden convinced her husband that he'd already won the gold and he could see it just by rolling up his pantlegs and stroking his leg hair in the sun. Delighted, the president wished everyone a Happy St. Swithin's Day and Merry Hava Nagila, then hurried away while chasing a picture of a bowl of ice cream that Kamala Harris was dangling from a fishing pole.

FROM THE VAULT

Tour de Farce

Mainstream media and Democrats in Washington are losing their minds owing to Fox News's Tucker Carlson, who is sharing the previously restricted videos of what really happened in our nation's capitol on January 6. 

Carlson's critics point out that he's deceptively showing deceptive video clips that attempt to deceive viewers by deceptively having nothing in common with the totally accurate (albeit completely unsubstantiated) accusations of the Left and the "January Sixth Committee" which found that violent anarchists burned the capitol to the ground, Washington's streets ran red with blood, and Donald Trump stood in the center of the carnage firing a machine gun into the air while shouting, "My holocaust is the best holocaust ever! Has there ever been a holocaust as big as mine? I don't think so! And this is a very, very beautiful one!"

Meanwhile, that lying bastard Tucker Carlson is releasing video like this...

This is a frame grab showing the infamous Q-anon Shaman being escorted into the heart of the capitol building assisted by the police. In this picture, there are 10 officers with weapons, and one guy with an American flag, a buffalo hat, and chafed nipples from his suspenders.

Adam Schiff, Chuck Schumer, and every talking head on the Left has told us that the moment shown above was literally "worse than 9/11," "worse than Pearl Harbor," and brought our Democracy to the brink of collapse. Not to mention getting buffalo fur on the nice rugs.

The recently exposed videos also show the so-called Shaman telling other protesters to remain peaceful and just go home as well as offering up a prayer of thanks on behalf of the officers who safely guided him to the capitol floor.

For this, he is now serving four years in prison following his conviction for violating the little-known statute that forbids "shenanigans and malarkey in a goofy costume." 

Just like the kids above who trusted the crossing guard, he trusted the police who invited him ever deeper into the building. In much the same way that too many Americans still trust the politicians who want you to believe what they say instead of what you can finally see.