Pulp Nonfiction

Granted, if you hide it in your butt you'll be Walken funny...

So this is where we are now. Big tech companies are making conservative voices disappear, Democrats in Washington are advocating for combat-trained military personnel to go after Trump supporters, and some guy who didn't like Hillary Clinton in the 2016 election is now in jail - and may get ten years in the slammer - for posting memes.

All of which makes it possible that this blog and its progenitor might just disappear at any moment, along with your erstwhile host. We hope that it isn't likely, but there's no way we can definitively say that it's impossible now that we're all living under de facto Democrat martial law and the codification of Thought Police.

Which is why we've backed up everything and want to share it with you, right here, right now - so there's at least a chance that an accurate (and funny!) historical record can survive whatever fresh Hell we're in for.

To get a lovely PDF file of all of the "Hope n' Change" blog, just click this link and the file will download. Note: it's about 500 MB, so it may take take awhile. Hey, eight years of cartoons and commentary takes a lot of space!

To get an all-encompassing PDF file of "Stilton's Place," just click this link and the file will download (about 350 MB).

The PDFs, containing thousands of pages and cartoons, should work on any computer system and are fun to read, fun to copy, and fun to share with as many people as possible. We'll note, however, that the formatting is sometimes a bit odd. It's our intent to clean things up and also make smaller volumes - but with the clock potentially ticking, it seemed like a good idea to get these versions out as soon as possible, rough edges and all.

This also seems like a good time to remind everyone to get on the mailing list (just click the box in the left column) so we can stay in touch in case the First Amendment goes up in flames (it's already smoldering).

And we should emphasize that there's no reason you have to put these archives on a USB drive that is hidden in your ass, but if you do, there's a good chance that it will never be discovered by the New Gestapo. Unless you're searched by Pete Buttigieg.

UPDATE: The second link has been updated because of a completely non-suspicious problem.

Embarrassing Admission

Joe Biden is still happily signing any piece of paper which lands on his desk, in return for which Susan Rice slips tasty kibble rewards into his mouth. Uncle Joe's latest penmanship project involved signing four executive actions aimed at "advancing racial equity," which sounds vaguely swell and not at all like the kind of thing that will cause more racial discord by unfairly treating people differently.

Among the orders is one which seeks to combat discrimination against Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders which theoretically has skyrocketed owing to President Trump (that Nazi bastard) referring to "the China virus" in his pandemic updates. Which, apparently, KKK members are using as an excuse to get snide with Hawaiians or something. 

Or maybe not- frankly, we haven't seen any news stories about actual coronavirus-inspired prejudice against People Of Golden Color. And indeed, in Biden's executive order much of the initiative (and funding) will go into looking for that kind of discrimination...if it exists.

Unlike, say, the blatant anti-Asian discrimination practiced by top-tier (and universally liberal) American colleges who reject preposterously well-qualified applicants because they don't want "too many Asians" messing up their precious diversity goals.

After all, how can they - or we - ever achieve racial equity without, like Joe Biden, enthusiastically embracing racial discrimination?

MEANWHILE IN PANDEMIC NEWS...
 

FROM THE VAULT...

Joe Biden, who at his current pace of issuing executive orders will have nothing left to ruin by early Spring, has just issued another royal edict that the military must fling open its doors (including cryptically-labeled bathroom doors) to the transgendered, thereby eliminating President Trump's policy to the contrary which was based on actual science rather  than the desire to placate a political grievance group and (bonus!) further degrade military capability. All of which we explained perfectly clearly back in 2017...

TRANS MISSION PROBLEM (7/28/17)

This actually makes way more sense than the Left wants to admit.

Donald Trump has issued an unsubtle new policy decision on Twitter, which could pretty much be the opening line of every news story we're likely to see over the next four years.

In this case, he announced that transsexuals would no longer be allowed to join or serve in the military, and the Left is going out of its collective mind. This is hatred! Bigotry! Some kind of blatant sexism which is admittedly hard to define!

To which we say: baloney.

We're not going to get into debating whether or not transsexuals are good people or bad people, patriotic or not, or which latrine they should use - because none of that is germane to the argument. What is germane is whether or not transsexuals have medical conditions and special needs which are unduly burdensome when it comes to the military branches completing their missions. And the answer is: yes, they do.

This is the same rationale which keeps many, many others with chronic medical conditions out of the military. And we'll note that this does not keep motivated individuals from finding alternate ways to serve their country or communities.

Despite attempts to make this into a broader LGBT issue, it's worth noting that Trump hasn't banned gays or lesbians from service. He's not concerned about someone's sexual orientation, he's concerned about their physical ability to complete missions - including at times when their medical conditions can't be treated in the field, potentially putting others at risk.

The outrage we're hearing from the media strikes us as nothing more than a tempest in a teapot. Which is somewhat ironic considering it involves individuals who aren't sure if they've got a handle or a spout.

According to the Poopometer, we don't give one.

News Beaten

And now our top stories...

FROM THE VAULT

As the saying goes, "what's old is nude again." Or at least that's our take on Joe Biden's executive ordure which will force all female athletic competitions and programs to include males who identify as females. And if no biological female ever again gets a college sports scholarship, wins an athletic competition, or lands an Olympic slot, well, tough titty. In this case, literally. Points we thought we had made clear way back in 2015...

SONNY WITH A CHANCE OF SHOWERS (11/6/15)

Maybe so, but we doubt he's 99 and 44/100% pure

Quietly weeping mourners braved dark clouds and chill winds yesterday to attend the graveside services for Common Sense, which finally passed away this week after a long, painful, and ultimately hopeless battle with Liberalism.

The final blow was thought to be the Department of Education's ruling that a transgendered student who self-identifies as female but was born male and still has male genitalia, must be allowed to shower with the girls on the school soccer team.

To the school's credit, they had previously done everything possible to accommodate "the girl with something extra," including providing a privacy curtain for shower time. But that still wasn't acceptable to the student - who is apparently either an asshole or a bitch, depending on whether you believe gender is genetic or simply a choice.

Which is why the Department of Education conducted a taxpayer-funded two-year investigation into what should be done (and the Dems are whining about the length of the Benghazi hearings?!) before determining that the student was being discriminated against "on the basis of sex." Because, no doubt, they didn't want to say "on the basis of having a skin flute."

"All students deserve the opportunity to participate equally in school programs and activities - this is a basic civil right," said Assistant US Secretary Catherine Lhamon, adding "including showering with nubile young athletic women, their skin delightfully flushed from their exertions, and watching the sinuous streams of water course sensuously over their firm young breasts before racing down, down, down to disappear into the heady tangled forests surrounding their teammates' forbidden love grottos."

Okay, she didn't say that last part word for word, but we're pretty sure it was implied.

Hope n' Change isn't against reasonable accommodation of transgendered people, but that word "reasonable" needs to be emphasized. With a Louisville Slugger, if necessary. Which should also be the case when dealing with other ludicrously clear cases in which "self-identifying" doesn't make something true. And we don't just mean Rachel Dolezal's "blackness," Elizabeth Warren's claim to be "Native American," little Ahmed's timed detonator that identifies as a "clock," or B. Hussein's transparently ridiculous assertion that he self-identifies as a Christian.

For instance, a 12-year-old who "identifies" as an adult shouldn't get to buy booze. A 25-year-old who "identifies" as a senior citizen shouldn't be able to collect Social Security payments.  An 11-year-old girl who "identifies" as a grown woman shouldn't be able to be a consensual sex partner for a pedophile. Yet in our society, it seems increasingly likely that any and all of these things could come to pass.

If Common Sense was still with us, we think it would present us with an elegantly simple solution to the problems above: the requirement of a "No Dicks" sign outside girls shower rooms, and perhaps an identical one to tell the dicks in Washington to start solving problems instead of inventing them.