Making Hiss-tory

We've got to be honest and give Democrats credit where credit is due. In the face of the ongoing impeachment trial and the bizarre threats...err, campaign promises...being offered up by the leading Democrat presidential contenders, a world-cleansing plague doesn't seem like an entirely bad idea.

In this case, the possible culprit is a fast-mutating coronavirus from China which, hopefully, President Trump excluded from domestic importation in his recent trade agreement. The virus is thought to have originated in bats, after which it was passed to snakes, where it transformed into a new form which can affect humans and be passed by coughing, sneezing, or a simple House majority. No, wait - scratch that last one. We're getting our plagues mixed up.

There is additional speculation that the deadly new virus might have been transmitted to humans owing to Chinese folks in the Wuhan province dining on "bat soup" which, no kidding, is soup with a dead, still-furry, bared-teeth bat in it. By the way, be careful if you click that link, because the consumption of "bat soup" with chopsticks is something you can never unsee. We don't know if Wuhan restaurants also have waiters who come to your table and offer to top your soup with fresh-ground rat turds, but it doesn't seem out of the question.

Wait, did we say rat turds? Well there we go, thinking about the impeachment trial again...

WOW! AN EXCITING NEW FEATURE!

A Stroll Down Memories Lame

During this impeachment brouhaha (we pause briefly for the Firesign Theater fans in our readership), we've been hearing that Trump's cardinal sin wasn't trying to influence another country (as all Presidents do), but that he was doing so only for his own political benefit.

Which takes us back through the spinwheels of time to 2007 when a young man with a dream, Barack Obama, was bashing the living hell out of NAFTA as part of his campaign run for the presidency. It was a popular, pro-America position with an economy on the ropes and horrible job numbers.

The problem? Barry was lying through his teeth (no surprise) but also used backchannel methods to let Canada know he was lying and that they shouldn't actually worry about him rocking the boat to put U.S. interests ahead of Canada's. So this purely political move, for the personal benefit of one duplicitous and unqualified man, was a secret kept from American voters with the help and cooperation of (gasp!) a foreign government.

We're wondering how many on the Left would now say that this would be grounds for impeachment and removal from office? Not that we intend to bring it up with them; they don't know what happened last week, let alone 13 unlucky years ago.

Sling Along With Mitch

Mitch McConnell has officially set the rules for the Trump impeachment trial in the Senate, over the whining, bitching, and bellyaching of the entire Democrat party. Under McConnell's rules, the trial will be fast, efficient, and - particularly dismaying to those on the Left - the verdict will be at the end of the proceedings rather than the beginning.

Not that everyone needs the entire legislative branch of government to pass a harsh judgment...

Eternal charmer and definitely not a candidate (wink-wink, nudge-nudge) Hillary Clinton is teasing an upcoming four-hour documentary series called "Hillary" in which she speaks honestly and frankly about important issues like what a dung ball Bernie Sanders is.

"He was in Congress for years," Hillary sneers. "He had one senator support him. Nobody likes him, nobody wants to work with him, he got nothing done. He was a career politician. It's all just baloney and I feel so bad that people got suckered into it. He should be strangled in his jail cell."

Okay, she didn't actually mention the part about a jail cell, but we all know she was thinking it. Just like we know what the Left is really thinking about the recent Second Amendment Rally...

BONUS: OUR LOVING CUP RUNNETH OVER

Huzzah! Thanks to a flurry of impassioned votes from Stilton's Place readers (thank you!), our cartoon tied for Grand Prize Winner in the "Best Cartoons of 2019" contest over at The Right Reasons!

We'd like to thank Pookie18, who tirelessly collects great conservative cartoons from all over the Internet, for the hard work that went into this event (hey, it started with 13,000 entries to choose from!)

We also want to thank all of the cartoon creators who work tirelessly (and almost universally without pay) to make life funnier for us, and more miserable for those on the Left. It's not really a competition so much as a team effort - and we're proud to be part of that team!

Our winning entry. And a nice, nasty little punchline if we say so ourselves!

Sick Day

This looks like an exciting day for news: gun protests in Virginia, final preparations for Trump's impeachment trial and, of course, Elizabeth Warren's "Martin Luther King Day" revelation that she's part black, based on family stories about the source of her widely-spaced nostrils.

Unfortunately, we can't really comment on any of those stories because we've got a distracting case of gastric distress. Nothing serious - just the same discomfort John Hurt experienced after a nice meal on the space trawler Nostromo.

So while we're carrying a stomach bug, we'll let you carry the conversational ball in the comments section. Have at it!