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Monday, August 17, 2020

We're Having Crumb Fun Now

Much like Happy Hooligan, we're just trying (emphasis on trying) to relax a little today. All is fine within the weird and ever-changing definition of "fine" in 2020. See you in the comments section!

BUT AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE...


LOOK! UP IN THE SKY! IT'S A BIRD! IT'S A PLANE! IT'S...WAIT, WHAT?!

While watching a movie on Sunday afternoon ("The Firm," which is quite good even if you think Tom Cruise is an annoying dweeb) we kept hearing aircraft overhead. Which, after five or ten minutes, starts getting troubling. Is it a police aircraft looking for serial killers who escaped from a prison bus? An aircraft monitoring a "mostly peaceful" BLM/Antifa riot which is burning down our neighborhood? Has Amelia Earhart finally showed up?!

But no. When we checked outside, it was a small plane towing a banner. And this is what it said:


Yes, it's the "Chinese Texans for Trump," because why wouldn't it be? And we thank them for adding a surreal note to our day.

Friday, August 14, 2020

Okay, 2020, We Get The Joke Already

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, broken wrist, Mrs J, fuck 2020
Thanks to medical science, Mrs. J will someday be able to wave again. Or at least give the finger.
It's getting a bit embarrassing to keep making blog posts about the fact that I can't really guarantee blog posts for awhile. And yet, here we are.

Recently, Mrs. J sustained a compression fracture in her spine which is not only painful in its own right, but also gave her a condition called "foot drop" which makes walking difficult, and greatly increases the risk of taking a fall. Which is, of course, exactly what happened on Wednesday afternoon. We were in the back yard planning some gardening chores when Mrs. J's foot snagged on an uneven service and she fell, hard, onto concrete.

This only days after receiving a diagnosis of severe osteoporosis, and a printout from the doctor saying "try to avoid falling." Which, to be fair, was topnotch advice.

At the Emergency Room, X-rays showed broken bones. Before splinting, Mrs. J was hooked up to the contraption above to slowly pull the bones back into alignment and, possibly, force her to reveal troop movements. Everything was then wrapped in bandages and her arm was put in a sling. Oddly, no pain meds were prescribed, which we're really puzzling over right now for all the wrong reasons. Damnit.

She was supposed to have the splint replaced by a cast today, but the orthopedic surgeon has decided to wait for a week to see if things are healing in a good way or not. Because "not" is what he's thinking, and the likelihood of surgery has been raised.

So this is sort of a rough time with a lot of forced changes in our daily lives, which makes it likely that I'll only post an actual cartoon if I get a "bolt of lightning" idea which is too good to waste. And that happens with a fair amount of frequency.

In any event, the blog will be here and I'll be here every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but things are going to be patchier than usual for awhile.

BUT AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE...


We're absolutely in favor of responsible mask-wearing during the pandemic. Still, we had to laugh when Joe Biden, following his stern statement that if he were president he'd make mask-wearing mandatory, managed to cover his entire face just before wandering offstage.

Forget the White House - someone get this guy a white cane!

Wednesday, August 12, 2020

Punch Line

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, BLM, Chicago, Looting, Reparations, Insurance

As massive recreational looting and violence continues in lawless hellholes like Chicago, Black Lives Matter "spokesperson-of-color-with-a-uterus," Ariel Atkins (seen above), has declared that the smash and grab thefts we're seeing are actually "reparations," and that "anything they wanted to take, they can take it because these businesses have insurance."

Which suggests that Ms. Atkins has no idea whatsoever how insurance works or who ends up paying for it, which should put her solidly in the running for Clueless Joe's vice-presidential nomination.

And speaking of Basement Biden (who is always below see-level), he recently made a huge "oops, I was being honest" gaffe in which he declared that Hispanics, totally unlike African Americans, were a "diverse" and non-monolithic group. Which makes this a good time to revisit the former VP's long, long, long history of saying insulting things to and about black Americans...

FROM THE HOPE N' CHANGE VAULT: OLD BLACK JOE (7/13/12)


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After a grueling schedule of attending fundraisers with Hollywood celebrities and high-rolling donors, Barack Obama looked at his totally empty presidential schedule yesterday and decided to blow off meeting with a bunch of colored people at the NAACP...opting instead to send Joe Biden by telling the Vice President that he'd be addressing the NCAA.

Despite the NAACP's somewhat icy reception for presidential candidate Mitt Romney the previous day, Joe Biden quickly won the audience over by pointing off the stage and, suddenly adopting the vocal stylings of Stepin Fetchit, calling "Mousey - you out there? Hey 
Mouse! How ya doin', man?"

After that, Biden peered into the audience and identified Fat Albert, Old Weird Harold, Mushmouth, Mudfoot Brown, and Antonio "Huggy Bear" Fargas - none of whom were actually present - before returning to his scripted remarks about how much Joe Biden had personally learned from attending the church of Reverend Jeremiah "God-DAMN America" Wright.

Okay, we're 
joking about the shoutout to the Cosby Kids and Huggy Bear, but unfortunately Biden's praise for Reverend Wright was all too real - and all too well received.

But knowing that pasty Joe Biden wouldn't satisfy the NAACP crowd (indeed, almost no one showed up for Biden's speech), Barack Obama 
did send a short video message in which he told the assembled colored people that "I stand on your shoulders." And that huge weight may explain why the unemployment rate for black Americans has just risen to 14.4%... far higher than the rate for other demographic groups.

Frankly, Barack Obama is doing everything in his power to keep black Americans in forced poverty, deny their children decent educations, and reinforce their permanent dependence on Big Government.

He's not standing on their shoulders...he just has his boot on their necks.


BREAKING NEWS: AGING RACIST TEAMS WITH SKANKY WOMAN OF COLOR!

History was made Tuesday afternoon when Joe Biden's hand, resting limply on a Ouija Board planchette, was aggressively guided to a picture of Senator Kamala Harris - thereby making her the official Democrat candidate for vice president of the United States.

Of course, when drummed out of the actual presidential nomination process, Harris said it was because Democrats (those misogynistic racist bastards) just weren't ready to vote for a "strong woman of color" - a trend which we hope to see repeated in November.

She also wasn't shy about accusing Biden himself of a long, long history of racism...



While none of the finalists on Joe's potential VP list were any good, we have to admit in complete honesty that we find Ms. Harris the most odious of the lot. Even her nomination is a sad day for our nation.