Friday, February 5, 2021

Brain Cleaner

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Even the New York Times ("Catching Birdcage Droppings Since 1851") concedes that our nation is currently plagued by fake news. You know, nonsense like "there were election irregularities," or "Antifa and BLM caused billions of dollars of damage last summer," or "Hunter Biden's laptop contained a metric assload of incriminating evidence against his father, not to mention numerous pictures of drug use and kinky-to-the-point-of-illegality sexual hijinks." 

Indeed, it was the NY Times which helpfully pointed out that the alleged "laptop" was just a figment of Russian imagination, and that there is no such person as Hunter Biden and hey look over there, an insurrectionist squirrel!

But while many people complain about fake news, only the NY Times has the chutzpah to demand a remedy for this scourge. And their remedy is this: "The Biden administration (needs) to put together a cross-agency task force to tackle disinformation and domestic extremism, which would be led by something like a "reality czar."

Theoretically, this Reality Czar could look at conflicting "news" stories and decide which should be allowed to circulate, and which should have their authors shot. For instance, AOC has breathlessly told and retold the story of how she was nearly killed by a screaming mob of Ted Cruz-directed murderers during the Great Washington Trump-Inspired Insurrection of 2021, while more conservative (and thus less trustworthy) news outlets are reporting that she wasn't even in the damn building.

This is where a Reality Czar could step in and make sure that no one ever hears anything that makes progressives look bad, no matter how well documented. There would be no more confusion about what news is or isn't true because, by government mandate, anything you're allowed to hear would be "true."

Or at least true enough to be useful to the powers-that-be.

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To quote Alice, "Eat Me."

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Now we know how justice went blind
Stilton, here! Barring any bigger than usual disasters in the news (what are the odds?), I'll be taking next week off to rest, recuperate, and catch up on car repairs, dryer vent cleaning, Covid vaccinations, veterinary visits, doctor visits, carpal tunnel recuperation, berating the damn cable company for removing TCM from my channel list, taking down the last of the Christmas lights, practicing meditation without screaming, spelunking in the dark and forbidding "closet of things that never get used anymore" to find Goodwill donations, changing out a dripping bidet (AKA "The Ass Blaster"), and several dozen other chores which have gone ignored since the tragic events of last Election Day.

Mostly, somewhat related to the "reality czar" story above, I want to take a few days to reassess just what the hell reality even is anymore, and reflect on how I can best interact with this strange new world while also keeping my liver and a tiny bit of sanity intact.

Odds are I'll post some little something just to keep the comments section open for you, but other than that, I'll be on a short staycation!

Wednesday, February 3, 2021

Humped Day

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Yeah, we weren't really feeling the whole "comment on the unending tsunami of horrible news" thing today, which is why we're posting our semi-frequent Hail Mary feature, "O Caption, My Caption." Something which may be happening quite a bit now that avoiding the news is an important factor for mental health.

But why, you may ask, is Busty Ross presenting the cartoon? It's because no matter how lame the reason for her appearance, Ms. Ross makes every day a little better - and don't we all need that right now?

In other less-than-exciting news:

• The Jarlsberg family pitbull, terrifyingly named "Ladybug," apparently needs a surgical procedure to repair an ACL injury in her back leg. The procedure involves cutting out part of a bone, then mending it with a steel plate and six screws. All of which is simply a preamble to this statement: how badass is a pitbull with a steel plate in her?!

• Mr. and Mrs. Jarlsberg will be getting their first vaccine shots this week (on Thursday and Friday) and hopefully will suffer no untoward consequences. Absolutely nothing has been said by authorities about showing up for the shots cold sober, so it's nice to have options.

• After months of social isolation, the Jarlsberg family is pleased to announce that on Wednesday afternoon they are hosting a small reception for The Dryer Repair Guy, followed by a viewing of the currently disabled Kenmore that's been tumbling the Jarlsbergs' undergarments since 1985.

• Yesterday, the Jarlsbergs' Toyota Camry, which is old but not as old as the ancient Kenmore dryer, spontaneously started blowing smoke out from under the hood, adding considerable excitement to an otherwise unremarkable outing. Although no official diagnosis has been made, all signs point to "it's just more fricking 2021."

Monday, February 1, 2021

Throwing Shade

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Meet your new camp counselor

Rhetoric from the Left is getting uncomfortably "final solution-ish" lately. Which isn't surprising considering that most media outlets are now literally claiming that anyone who doesn't like Biden is a domestic terrorist.  Oh sure, you can try to convince your liberal friends (assuming you still have any) that you're nothing of the sort, but why should they believe anything a domestic terrorist says?! That's Logic 101, folks!

Of course, part of the problem may relate to the fact that the deeply divided factions in our nation can't even agree on what "terror" is anymore...

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Frankly, in the event of a win, we're really hoping that BLM can send a large contingent of "mostly peaceful" representatives to Oslo to accept the prestigious award, set fires, and loot stores as a show of international goodwill. And to help that happen, we're more than willing to donate funds to pay for their one-way flight tickets. Heck, we'll even throw in a few extra bucks so they can buy those little bottles of booze on the airline so they can show up at the ceremony with teeny-tiny molotov cocktails.

But despite all of the rotten news lately (and we haven't even scratched the surface here), there is at least one legitimate reason for all of us to celebrate...

According to White House Spokesperson Jen Psaki, masks aren't needed when celebrating