Now It's Getting In Tents

While schools remain closed under Joe Biden, our borders are wide open for business - and that business is booming, with record numbers of (ahem) "forever guests" just waltzing in. And trust us, a waltz played by a mariachi band is nothing you're likely to forget anytime soon.

Joe is already running out of cages for kids ("it's like a playland with bars!"), and so has ordered tent cities to be built to house the throngs of soon-to-be Democrat voters and welfare recipients. Many of whom, as President Trump frequently assured us, are probably fine people with no criminal records in English.

Biden's Secretary of Homeland Security reports that despite the jaw-dropping numbers, there's no crisis on the border, but rather an exciting "challenge!" And gosh, who doesn't want more of those in 2021?

Not that the problem is a new one, which is why we're serving up this re-fried commentary from back in 2014...

FROM THE VAULT: WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE (March 31, 2014)

These days, when VP Joe Biden speaks, all we can do is laugh. Only it's not really a happy "ha-ha" laugh, but rather a really disturbing and slightly psychotic-sounding laugh of the type which makes crops wither and die in the fields, cattle go barren, and causes terrified neighbors to bolt their doors and sow salt across their thresholds.

In other words, Biden is driving us almost as crazy as he already is.

The most recent affront occurred when Uncle Joe was addressing the US Hispanic Chamber of Commerce and declared that in his view, the eleven million illegal aliens living in the shadows are "already American citizens."

Well, that's certainly a time saver! Why bother with pesky details like laws, borders, or immigration agencies when citizenship can just be passed out for free like "Yes We Can!" condoms at a middle school?

Biden's statement is an assault on the very meaning of "citizenship," and an insult to every man, woman, and child who is in this country legally. And make no mistake - when Biden applies the word "citizen" to illegal aliens, he's making the argument that they should have the same voting rights as any other group, living or dead, who can reliably be expected to cast their ballots for Democrats.

Frankly, Hope n' Change isn't convinced that the millions of illegal aliens in this country are "living in the shadows" anymore.  It just looks that way because these are dark days for America.

Slam Dunk

Now that we've all been given free admission to Stupid World (but have no way out), all we can do is marvel at the magnificent idiocy surrounding us while we look for a concession stand selling cold beer.

A case in point: Oreo, a freaking cookie which has its own Twitter account, recently tweeted "Trans People Exist," which was surely meant to be meaningful and woke somehow. Of course, the message could have been a bit more nuanced and perhaps express some actual support for trans people.  After all, if Oreo tweeted "Black People Exist" it wouldn't really shed much light on our nation's conversation about race.  Although such a tweet might cause some people to bring up a different point...

We don't really have much to add to this other than that we wish a lot of companies that have no business lecturing us on morality would just STFU. We don't want a cookie with a message unless it's at the end of a Chinese dinner.

JOE BLOW

Demonstrating the unwavering compassion that made him the most popular presidential candidate in our nation's history, Joe Biden traveled to Houston on Friday to make sure that it wasn't cold anymore. And it wasn't.

Not that all of the area's problems have been solved after a (hopefully) freakish cold wave knocked out power sources and left the population freezing. For one thing, not everyone has access to safe water yet, which makes us question the choice of First Lady Jill Biden to help distribute dried "quick oats" to the hungry. Because if those poor folks try to choke down uncooked dry oats, they're sure as heck going to need a doctor whose degree isn't in education.

Hawaiian Punch

There's a new podcast (we think "oddcast" would be a more appropriate name) in which regular old American millionaires Bruce Springsteen and Barack Obama sit around and talk about why our country sucks.

As part of the discussion, Barry recalled a time in middle school when he quarreled with a young friend who called him a "coon," after which "I popped him in the face and broke his nose." To which Springsteen responded "Well done," because busting someone's nose is absolutely the right response if they call you something offensive like, oh, a Nazi or racist.

Recounting the event, Barry said, "Now first of all, ain't no coons in Hawaii." Which, we believe, was the b-side to Don Ho's recording of "Tiny Bubbles." Although in fairness, maybe it was just the remembered trauma that suddenly triggered Obama to start communicating in dialect, saying that racial hate speech is used on people for "taking advantage of 'em, cheatin' 'em, stealin' from 'em, killin' 'em, raping 'em." Seriously, he sounded like a psychotic Bubba Gump listing shrimp recipes from Hell.

But did the incident ever really take place or, like Barry's imaginary "composite girlfriend" in college, is this just another self-serving lie? And, more importantly, why do we keep making rhetorical questions out of things that are painfully obvious?

IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING

For the first time in 87 years (back when Joe Biden was only a teenager), there has been no State of the Union Address given in January or February. Which likely can be ascribed to Joe's busy, busy, busy "Black History Month" schedule and putting kids in cages rather than, oh, his increasing tendency to stammer, mangle words, and stare into space.

Mainstream media outlets are trying to cover for ol' Joe by saying that the last six Presidents didn't give a State of the Union Address during their inaugural years. Less publicized is the fact that all six of those Presidents did give a State of the Union speech (which is apparently much, much different than an "address") to a joint session of Congress during either January or February of their inaugural year.

But precedents, like election laws, were made to be broken. Which is why it will probably still be a few months before we get a State of the Union Address...from President Harris.