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Friday, September 1, 2017

We'll Be Right Back. We Hope.


Okay, we knew the remodelers were eventually coming for our last holdout, but it's happening NOW. So we're unable to post anything today, and may be offline for a week or two (hopefully not, we're just hedging our bets here).

As we write this, the air is filled with fresh toxic fumes (we're having the dining room "orange peel" texture added, which apparently involves spraying the walls with biotoxins), the sound of power tools, and melodious Mariachi music. Man, we just can't get enough of those jolly little accordions!

We'll try to get back ASAP, and will surely find some way to view comments and maybe even respond.

Until then, happy Labor Day (damn those capitalist slavemongers!) and - just in case things don't go well - happy Halloween!

-Stilton

25 comments:

Mike aka Proof said...

Stilton: It appears your house is built over an evil supervillain's lair. You should get a metal detector and check for loot.

Velveeta Processed Cheese Food said...

Your tails of house travails have gotten me thinking about my own house, about which there is nothing to be done. It is of a type some of your readers may not be familiar. It's a "basement house." These were built as a basement only, usually with a flat tarp-paper roof. The idea was that the rest of the house would be built as soon as possible. You still see a few of the basement/flat-roof specimens in small Nebraska towns. There's no telling how many were later finished, as they now look like any other house.

Mine was never finished, although somebody later put a peaked roof on, which gives me a large, walk-in attic at street level, with a tar-paper floor. The house proper is reached by a set of exterior stairs. Unfortunately, the woodpile has to be schelped down the steps a basket-full at a time all winter.

On the up side, the north and west sides are completely earth-sheltered, nice during blizzards. On the down side, much of the construction and remodeling over the years must have been do-it-yourself. Most the the light switches are on the opposite corner of the room from where you enter. Why? I had to have an electrician fix a light switch once, and on taking the plate off he identified the lash up inside as a "Milwaukee triple cross-wired overhand bow knot," or some such thing. He had never seen one in the flesh, but had seen one in a trade journal, so he was able to untangle it and bring it up the early 20th Century standard.

I've spent most of my time working on the outside. It took me two years to tear out a lot of ugly, rotten foofawrawistic landscaping. Some of this involved tearing out 50-foot, six log retaining walls spiked together with 18-inch ring-shanked bridge spikes. The only way the destroy them was to jack the whole things up with hydraulic jacks, then chainsaw the logs apart, and hope you didn't hit a spike. I've since landscaped with native wildflowers, which are running rampant. In another year or two, you won't be able to find the place under the foliage. All in all, it's a pretty odd house, which is mainly why I bought it.

Thomas Beechler said...

Hang in there, Stilton. Find a spot , kick back, pour a double Cutty straight-up and say,"To hell with it."

Emmentaler "Nostradamnit" Limburger said...

I had an odd dream about your remodel last night, in which a bunch of us Hope-N-Changers came over to help you scrape modelling clay off your walls. I was visiting my sister in College Station, so I figgered "What the heck!" and stopped in to scrape some clay with the gang. (By the way, you look nothing like I'd imagined you would...)

Like I said, it was an odd dream. I cannot even claim it to have been alcohol induced. Perhaps there is a portent there...

Doug said...

LOL! The perfect photo for this post.

Bruce Bleu said...

I have remodeled 8 out of 12 homes I've owned and I feel your pain. The strongest relationships are the ones that survive this kind of trauma, so hang in there, like Dolly Parton's agent said, "The bust is yet to come".

Walter L Stafford said...

Immediately started withdrawal symptoms upon reading your message! Major health issues, call Life Flight...! Seriously, looking for you and yours to get back to normal, whatever that is in the world today.

Lee The Voice said...

I'm sure all will go well with the remodel. Ain't they a bitch? Meanwhile waiting patiently for the nest post.

jlw said...

have your remodelers accelerated their planned pace in order to be ready to move to Houston, where the big business will be, in a few weeks?

i ask because you keep seeming to be surprised when they move on to the next item. also, i have been involved in both remodeling and new construction and have never seen the speeding up of the project that you seem to be having, not even when there was an early completion bonus.

of course, i might just be misunderstanding you.

REM1875 said...

The contract does stipulate the bunker WILL look better after the renovations?

REM1875 said...

Well Doc the fact that your remodelers showed back up after ripping things down and apart reminds we have a chance of being hit by an asteroid......speaking of astronomical odds I mean....

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- I am reduced to using an iPad in the ONE room still available to us. Still no access to a kitchen, and I'm sharing the bathroom with guys who eat nothing BUT Mexican food. Which has reminded us to add "get better vent fan" to our list of ways to spend money. I think the work schedule HAS been accelerated as things we need a week's notice for are now routinely scheduled for "tomorrow." While oddly, things that were SUPPOSED to happen tomorrow don't happen at all.

And geez... what's this I read about Comey drafting Hillary's exhoneration speech BEFORE COMPLETING THE RELEVANT INTERVIEWS including hers?!

These are sad days to be reduced to typing with one finger. But thanks for the comments and camaraderie! They're very appreciated!

JustaJeepGuy said...

@Velveeta Processed Cheese Food,

In 1974, when I was in the Navy and lived in Idaho Falls ID, there were many of those half-houses on the road out of town to the west. Most of them looked like they were normal houses that had sunk into the ground. When winter came, I kinda envied those people. I lived in a mobile home and it could get rather cool at night.

I went back there once in '93 and most of those houses had since been built up to actual house-normality. I was a bit disappointed to see that.

Stan da Man said...

JustaJeepGuy...
Wait, WHUT?!?!?
NAVY???
ID?!?!?
DaFUQ?
Is not ID hopelessly land locked?
On WHAT SANE Planet...
Oh, wait, DC had to dip it's wick...
NeVER Mind....

Anonymous said...

Stilton, I am surprised you have not retreated into the Jarlsberg Mansion catacombs to wait out the insurrection that is your remodel.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@JustaJeepGuy and Velveeta- Actually the sunken home thing sounds pretty good to me. Especially since I have a "thing" about tornadoes and no place to hide from them here in Texas. And no, I wasn't able to get a quorum to support adding a tornado room to the house.

@Stan da Man- The gummint works in mysterious ways.

@Anonymous- Were I to reveal the entrance to the catacombs, I'd have to kill all the workers. Questions might be asked.

MAJ Arkay said...

Still doing the orange peel up there? Not at all popular here in the Hill Country anymore. Naturally, the older "unique fixer upper" we bought has that orange peel junk on the walls, and that nasty popcorn crap on the ceiling.

If we ever win the lottery, we'll have that all removed for totally smooth walls. Of course, that will require finding people who actually know how to make the walls and ceiling smooth.

Maybe Mike Rowe could find us some decent trades guys that know how...

Good luck to ye.

Fritz Brohn said...

Stilton, you need a break. Why not relax and watch, "Mr Blandings Builds His Dream House"?

JustaJeepGuy said...

@Stan da Man,

Believe it or not, during WWII the US Navy ran a boot camp there in Idaho. A shipmate of mine said his father had gone through that experience there. I attended a school there. And froze the block of my Jeep twice.... It's no place for weenies.

S. B. Sweeney said...

LOVE the picture! Perfect!

Rod said...

I've been down in Texas and to Houston to see kids and friends, and be of some little bit of help with the flood. Stilton at last you can say your place is not flooded; thousands south of you are. But also I've never seen such widespread cooperation, coordination, general & wide spread courtesy and assistance plus (can you be believe it?) polite driving. It is remarkable. Only one week later just as expected; SE Texans are getting it all back together and moving on.

Pete (Detroit) said...

Jeep, I believe it.
Especially freezing the block...
Each region has it's own issues... Had a Triumph in TX, that liked to vapor lock in the summer. Fortunately, it had a manual choke. Set full choke. Crank till it's flooded. Choke off, pedal to the floor, crank again. Stupid thing would start, flooded...
Good times....

Rod, WHUT????
Houston driving POLITELY??!?
Of ALL the places I've driven, that seriously has to be the WORST... And that says something (Detroit - crunch all you want - we'll make more...)

Granny said...

Thank you for your heroic efforts in getting out the satire we are in such desperate need of.
Hilarious has been conspicuous by her absence. (To the extreme relief of the Deplorables.)

Granny said...

Happy natal day.

Scarlet Black said...
This comment has been removed by the author.