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Friday, September 15, 2017

Yoga Bared

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, hillary, what happened, yoga, alternate nostril breathing, huma, snatch n' sniff

During an interview pushing her bitter, brain-damaged memoir "What Happened," (soon to be followed by the sequel "Where Am I?") Hillary Clinton was asked about her practice of yoga.

Surprisingly, she was able to recall some details despite having erased some 33,000 "personal" emails on the subject (along with other "personal" email like details of her mother's funeral, Chelsea's wedding, family recipes, multiple refusals of additional security to Ambassador Stevens in Benghazi and, of course, her highly personal sale of America's uranium reserves to Russia).

Part of her yoga routine consists of "alternate nostril breathing," which involves closing one nostril with a finger and then breathing deeply through the other. This is then repeated until she reaches an oxygen-deprived state in which she can temporarily forget that she is officially The Biggest Loser In History.

The alternate nostril technique does not, however, work for her husband Bill - who famously does not inhale, but is no stranger to blowing.

SPEAKING OF ALTERNATES

The cartoon above wasn't our first version, but we considered it the funniest version. Still, the joke may be a bit vague for those who have clean minds or who have mercifully forgotten Huma Abedin. For you, we present the alternate version of the cartoon, which you should read while holding one of your nostrils shut.

"Code name: Chardonnay."
AND FINALLY...


29 comments:

Mike aka Proof said...

The nostril breathing may give us some clue as to how Hillary can suck and blow at the same time?

Regnad Kcin said...

The second Hildebeast 'toon reminds me of an old joke by George Carlin : "I was at a Hollywood party and saw a bunch of people bent over a table. I asked them what they were doing. "Coke !" came the reply. So, I asked them what does it do to you. "It enhances your personality !" I was told. So, I asked "What if I'm an asshole ?" This would explain a lot about the 'beast's behavioral issues as of late. Why do you think they call it Dope ?

JRMD from Virginia said...

Stilt,
It looks like they came to their senses.... the best they could.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/harvard-rescinds-chelsea-mannings-visiting-fellow-designation/

Fish Out of Water said...

Anyone who is still clueless on why the avaricious, pathological serial liar and venal grifter lost again, must be someone who has just come back to the United States after a year on the Orkney Islands.

I notice even the avaricious, pathological serial liar and venal grifter has called for the abolition of the Electoral College and in response to that and all other 2016 election deniers, I draw this analogy.
Let’s say there’s a baseball or football game and one team is up by say, 8 runs in the top of the 5th, or up by 4 touchdowns midway through the 2nd quarter, yet at the end this team loses.

For me and I think I can say most people, were I a fan of the team that lost, I wouldn’t be blaming the other team, the weather, the umpires/referees, or even a UFO (nod to Men in Black). I would direct my anger/disappointment at the players and manager/coach of the team that blew their lead. Nor would I expect a rule change for future games that should one team build up a large lead before regular play is over, that the outcome is decided and game over.

Reasonable argument I believe, but probably still lost on those, like the avaricious, pathological serial liar and venal grifter and others, who can’t understand or accept the 2016 election outcome.

Jim Irre said...

The comments today are especially entertaining! Thanks people!

Bobo the Hobo said...

@JRMD - The statement explained that, "We invited Chelsea Manning because the Kennedy School's longstanding approach to visiting speakers is to invite some people who have significantly influenced events in the world even if they do not share our values and even if their actions or words are abhorrent to some members of our community. We do this not to endorse those actions or legitimize those words, but because engaging with people with fundamentally different worldviews can help us to become better public leaders."

The above statement is absolutely true ... unless you are a Conservative, an advocate of free speech, or hold an opinion similar to 99% of Americans who do not share Harvard's values.

Judi King said...

Funny cartoons today. But, even before I looked at them, I had a different vision of where her finger was in relation to her nose and was laughing already.

Thomas Beechler said...

Right on Judi, she probably had that digit up her ass, along with her campaign, her excuses and Bill. What a common broad. Another round of Cutty Sarks for the "losers."

Thomas Beechler said...

I can't let this one go, unsaid. President Trump has Sara Huckabee Sanders as his "mouthpiece" and Bill Clinton had Monica as his. Read the article, in the Chicago Tribune, covering the interview between Jane Pauly, and Hilliary. This broad not only has a finger up her ass, her head is there, too.

Fred Ciampi said...

I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to what goes on in the drug circles, but shouldn't The Hldabeast have a straw sticking out her other nostril?

REM1875 said...

So a confused faggot having a hissy fit and feeling a little bitchy- decides in a snit fit to sell out the entire nation is a hero?
I got the feeling old JFK would have kicked his ass up around his ears but it looks like someone beat him to it......rather than giving fellowship.....
Sorry but this irks me a LITTLE........

REM1875 said...

I see bradley mannings fellowship has been rescinded -thank you JRMD--
I would say I stand corrected but this never should have happened in the first place....

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Mike aka Proof- Another mystery solved!

@Regnad Kcin- I miss George Carlin. And I still think Obama used coke a lot more often and a lot more recently than he let on.

@JRMD from Virginia- I was glad to see the story about Manning's invitation being rescinded, but the dean's statement still shows a high level of cluelessness and/or dishonesty. Frankly, I'd like to know whose idea it was to offer the invitation in the first place and who okayed it - and then, tenure or no tenure - see some firings. That won't happen, of course - so all we can really do is remember that Harvard is no longer respectable.

@Fish Out of Water- I like your analogy and think it's appropriate. In the end, Hillary is 100% to blame for her own election loss. And every time she opens her yap about it, I get goosebumps of delight that she'll never be President.

@Jim Irre- I agree!

@Bobo the Hobo- You're exactly right. In what way does Chelsea Manning's worldview differ from that of the academic community at Harvard? Manning wasn't a bold choice on their part - it was another insult to American values.

@Judy King- It's pretty hard not to think of certain pictures when you pair the words "finger" and "nostril."

@Thomas Beechler- Hillary is a terrible person and was a horrible candidate. And that's "What Happened."

And I love the "mouthpiece" joke!

@Fred Ciampi- Only the poor use straws. The wealthy, like Hillary, use tightly rolled $100 bills.

@REM1875- It irks me, too.

Fish Out of Water said...

If this gender-confused individual managed to get a gig at Harvard, sounds like there's now an agent for this gender-confused individual.

Geoff King said...

Here is Mark Dice's great take on Hilarity Cunton:

https://youtu.be/TsFTEGNtyU4

CDH said...

I can sort of 'get' the alternative views comment, but can't even fathom using a convicted felon traitor as such. You want a trans person? I am sure they would line up for the gig. Picking a felon? WTF over!?!?!? Picking CM? Now it becomes obvious this was a political ploy, nothing more. Oh how the mighty have fallen Harvard...I wonder how all those harvard (sic) law grads feel about their highbrow snooty degrees now!?!?!?!?

Shelly said...

The Manning appointment is proof perfect that the denizens of Harvard and other left-wing infested entities live completely in their own bubble. They never considered for one moment that the appointment of a traitor might enrage the majority of America-loving citizens. All they saw was a transgender and that elevated him/her/it to sainthood status immediately. This theory explains Hillary as well. Her corruption and all the baggage she came with was erased by First (Democrat) Woman President!!

rickn8or said...

CDH, Shelly, I'm thinking some Harvard alum$ lit up the dean's phones yesterday and explained Life in the Big City to him.

John the Econ said...

I know this meme was worn out 16 years ago, but why would anyone waste money on a book written by someone who always answers "I don't know" when under oath?

1st Cartoon: I don't know if I didn't get it because I have a clean mind, or because I really don't want to think that hard about Hillary & Huma in unusual positions.

Harvard's new "fellow": Yeah, I snickered when I first read that the other day. The jokes literally are writing themselves. Apparently so much so that the irony-impaired Harvard has now rescinded their invitation to Ms/r Manning, stating that it was a "mistake". The cover for this is a supposed rebuke from people at the CIA. But since when has offending an agency under the employ of a sitting GOP administration stopped Harvard from doing whatever it damn well wanted if it could in any way be embarrassing to the administration?

Is it possible that 9 months into the Trump era that some on the left may be starting to figure out that it's this sort of beyond-The-Onion insanity that is only feeding Trump's base while causing rank-and-file Democrats to question their own sanity for belonging to an ideology that promotes it?

This wouldn't be the first instance I've seen of the left reconsidering its wholesale adoption of the way-beyond homosexuality agenda. There's been plenty of examples in the news lately of the agenda jumping the shark. For example, stories of boys "identifying" as girls dominating women's sports are now appearing regularly. (Is this really what those who signed on "Title IX" really had in mind?) If that's the case, expect to see more pushback before the midterms next year. (A good explanation why is here)

Speaking of Irony deficient:

Antifa activists say violence is necessary

"Isaacson is unequivocal in his defense of violence as a legitimate tool to combat the creeping threat of what he deems authoritarianism."

What could be more "authoritarian" than deciding who is permitted to publicly speak and employing violence against those they deem unacceptable?

Sounds like "fascism" to me.

And this just in:

Manhunt after 'terror incident' at London Tube station

Just "part and parcel" of living in the big cities, as certain public officials would put it.

And one last example of "irony deficiency":

Trump's latest post-London tweet storm didn't wait for the facts

Because CNN always waits for the facts before smearing people they find ideologically unacceptable.

Rod said...

I'd like to hear about (definitely not see)the bitch using a 55 gallon contractor's barrel liner bag stuffed in her mouth (it can be repurposed later); then two fingers, both nostrils. Start with six sets of 15 minutes each.

I wonder if this ongoing disconnect about why she didn't succeed in three elections is just extreme dedication to the "Act"; or she insane.

Colby Muenster said...

Great post and comments today! Stilton, are the paint fumes and dust giving you revelations? I really don't comprehend how you are doing it with all that's going on in your workplace/home, especially with that gateway to hell in your floor!

I heard Gerald Rivers on Hannity's radio show, and even he recognizes that Hillary was the reason Hillary lost. Hillary was the Atlanta Falcons to Donald Trump's Patriots. Big difference though. The Atlanta Falcons didn't try blaming everyone but themselves.

@Mike aka Proof,
It's called circular breathing. And the Clintons are no doubt quite talented at this because of their many decades of practicing circular jerking.

@JRMD of Virginia,
Another example in a long list of libtard organizations making decisions that any clear thinker would recognize as horrible, then backing out in surprise when (shocker) normal people say, "WTF!?" "We had no idea this would upset anyone." The only thing shorter than a hydrogen atom is a liberal's memory when they f**k up.

The Norks launched yet another missile over Japan. When, oh when are we going to start turning their missile bases into smoldering piles of rubble? Don't we know where their launch sites are? If not, our intelligence agencies are too damn busy trying to undermine Trump and not doing their jobs.

Dan said...

Bradley Manning being considered as a "Fellow" at Harvard was just one more example of TPTB giving a big middle finger to us normal folks.

Same as with Obama's entire administration -- always giving the normal populace the middle finger, often several consecutively.

I would love it if we'd start taxing Havahd's endowments (along with other schools').

And for those folks who want free tuition, I hope they realize that tuition doesn't include room, board, athletic fees, student medical stuff, and all the other charges and fees that run up the cost.

Oh -- as I am not really up to speed on these academicalish things, is a "Fellow" a step above, or a step below, a "Dude?"

Shelly said...

Yesterday, a statue of Robert E. Lee was removed from LEE Park in Dallas. This was personal to me as I spent a great deal of time there in childhood having grown up nearby. The statute depicts Gen. Lee leading a slave to safety. The horror, huh? The left-wing mayor of Dallas (a position supposedly non partisan) and his like minded council members (save one) passed this abomination with very little, if any, public input. If it was announced in the press, it was done very quietly. Then before the outcry could reach mass proportions, they hurriedly had it removed (at a cost of at least half a million dollars). Not surprisingly, the outcry is enormous. So instead of healing racial divisions (the ostensible purpose), now there is a massive divide tearing up the City of Dallas and its environs. Is the left-wing agenda so powerful as to negate the constituency of a city? When are we going to run these anti-Americans out of these powerful positions?

Alan Mcintire said...

When you press down on one nostril and blow hard with the other, you will create a "snot rocket". When I first saw this video, I thought that was what Hillary Clinton was going to demonstrate.

Dan said...

@Shelly The Dallas Mayor and Council's decision created a "massive divide tearing up the City of Dallas." Seems that all is going according to their plan.

Mike aka Proof said...

Stilton: Perhaps a subtitle for her book: "I inhaled".

Paul D Garber said...

Not so strange once you are know that she/he/it saved his/her/its severed manhood and carries it around in a velvet lined box to be used for reminiscing about the "Good Old Days" when his former band of brothers considered him to be a pussy.

valvenator said...

Hillary slipped up in her blame game. She forgot about her voters.
I mean the ones that only voted once,
and those that didn't vote in place of their deceased relatives.

John the Econ said...

@CDH, leftist academia has been hiring felons for decades:

How 1960s Radicals Ended Up Teaching Your Kids