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Monday, July 30, 2018

Maxsterious Ways

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, maxine waters, trump, stormy daniels, God, plastic straws

We don't pretend to have great theological expertise, but Maxine Waters' recent declaration that she's on a "mission from God" seems to put her squarely in the same category of previous divine tools as plagues of locusts, frogs, flies, lice, and eruptions of large, painful boils which would even make Dr. Pimple Popper lose her lunch.

If we take Maxine at her word about God's purpose for her, it suggests that her entire life until now has been utterly pointless, an idea with which we can't really take issue. Seriously, what has this bitter woman actually accomplished over her long, angry life other than giving blobfish a reason to feel slightly better about their looks?

Considering the latest GDP numbers, it certainly doesn't look like God is out to get Trump. And even if He were, we don't think His known propensity for using "mysterious ways" would explain the overstuffed clown car of goofballs who have been trying (and failing) to drive the President from office.

Perhaps Maxine needs to look a bit deeper into her own soul when it comes to getting guidance from God. Because on the seventh day, even He knew when it was time to give it a rest.

BONUS: IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCK...

We couldn't resist using Maxine's smug mug to address another nail-biting national crisis...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, maxine waters, trump, stormy daniels, God, plastic straws

29 comments:

valvenator said...

First comment, wooohooo!
Yeah Stilt, I really missed ya.
Good to have you back!

REM1875 said...

Maxine ...a soul??? ..... Seriously ???....
W/B Doc

Section147 said...

Happy to have you out of the liquor cabinet and back at the drawing board. Wait...when have those two things ever been mutually exclusive???

Mike L said...

I think Maxine is more like the plague the Lord laid on people in 1 Samuel 5 verse 6. Hemorrhoids.

Dan said...

Welcome back. Hope you're rested and ready.

Our long blog-reading nightmare-drought is over!

Jim Irre said...

Tackling Maxine Waters?! That's a visual I did not need! She is about as useless a human being as there ever was.

Now it looks like therapists are treating people for some new syndrome, caused by Trump of course, that has them fearing the end of the world. Aren't we running out of safe spaces yet?

Jim Lane said...

Welcome back, Stilt! Hope you're well rested up, since you'll need all your snarky strength to keep from drowning in the never-ending D.C Swamp. Cheers!

Sandra J. Brown said...

You can't make this stuff up. Farcical, frolics, from free loaders. Who are they going to blame when they lose the mid terms?

Brie Camembert said...

We need more dingbats like Maxipad to drive up the GOP numbers in the midterms. Bring it on loonies!

James Daily said...

Welcome back. You have been mightily missed by the faithful. That was the longest week of the month. There isn't much to add to your fine synopsis of the nitwit from the West. I did enjoy her whining about folks threatening her, pretty funny when the shoe is on the other foot. If she thinks she can promote discourse of this nation without consequences she is dumber than we think. If you saw a picture of her congressional office, it was just right, looked like a jail with all the bars on the doors and such.

Geoff King said...

In my opinion, the longer all the criminals in Washington are allowed to continue becoming millionaires at our and the Constitution's expense and continue spreading their lies and deceit, the more sheep will start to believe their rhetoric and Trump WILLING be taken down.
It is way past time for the swamp draining to begin. Perhaps if even a few of them were actually brought to justice, the ignorant masses would start to wake up and smell the corruption.
Of course, were Trump to start tearing down their power structure, he would probably end up shooting himself in the back of the head 3 times.

Fred Ciampi said...

And in San Francisco (and many other California cities) it's OK to take a crap anywhere one want to, sleep anywhere, it's OK to kill anyone if you're an illegal, it's OK to vote no matter who you are or where you're from, whether you are alive or dead and as many times as you want to, but, just get caught with one plastic straw....... San Quentin here you come.

Oh, and welcome back Stilt.

Judi King said...

Yay! You're back and, of course, spot on about that "mentally challenged" loser. I don't understand how she gets re-elected. I guess stupidity is what the voters want to represent them.

TrickyRicky said...

Welcome back Stilton. Don't worry, nothing has changed whilst you were on sabbatical. Paul Ryan and his ilk are still impeding impeachment of the acting director of the DOJ. The mob formerly known as the media are still wailing and gnashing their teeth about the meeting of a presidential candidate's son with people supposedly ready to dish dirt on the opponent, meanwhile ignoring said other candidate actually paying for Russian involvement in the election. My President, the Honey Badger, doesn't give a shit and I am not yet tired of winning.

Pete (Detroit) said...

Loving 'president honey badger'...

udaman said...

Could you imagine looking in the mirror and seeing that? How does she get her mouth to do that? Plastic surgery?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Thanks for all the nice "welcome back" messages! It's good to be here! I have no wild adventures to report, as for me "staycation" not only means staying at home but mostly means staying in the same room as always - albeit doing different things. Like tidying, which didn't last, updating my Will (just due diligence - there's nothing exciting pending, I hope), and two marathon days of trying to fix my daughter's dying Macbook Pro. At the moment, the score is still 1 to zero in the computer's favor, but I'm not done slapping it around yet. A guy with OCD is a petulant computer's worst nightmare. Of course, the reverse is also true. (wry grin)

@Brie Camembert- I agree that we need to see plenty of wacky behavior from the Left to goose up our midterm numbers. People need to be constantly reminded of the disease for which Trump is the flawed-but-best cure.

@TrickyRicky- I heard a pretty compelling argument that what would be better than impeachment for Rosenstein would be jailing him for contempt. I like the idea a lot.

And yes, it's a bit jaw-dropping that the MSM is still desperately trying to prove "collusion" (which isn't, by the way, a crime) between Trump and Russia when it's already known that Hillary's campaign was funneling money to Russian operatives for dirt (including fictitious dirt) on Trump. There are very few news sources I trust at all anymore (WSJ being the main one).

John the Econ said...

We're a mere 3 months away from this supposed "blue wave" that is supposed to cleanse Congress of the Trump-enabling GOP infection, and what are the Democrats offering America?

o A plea to abandon >4% economic growth to return to the glory says of Obamanomics and the "recovery summer" days of 2010, where economic growth after a recession couldn't beat 2%, and only the 1%-ers, Wall Street and the rent-seekers were enjoying anything that could be considered a "recovery".

o An utterly clueless "Democratic Socialist" millennial who makes Bernie Sanders look like Ronald Reagan.

o A porn star on a crusade about sexual harassment and morality.

o And then there's Mad Maxine, who as crazy as she might seem had enough sense to escape her own district. I'm certain that from her perspective, there has to be a god, because little else could possibly explain why someone as ignorant as she gets to be a life-long congresscritter worth millions.

Seriously, this is all they've got.

Shelly said...

@Mr. Econ, your post reminds me of something I heard on a conservative radio talk show last night. Trump had a great week. The EU capitulated and struck a new trade deal with Trump. He brought the remains of the MIAs in Korea home. The economy grew 4.1% in the last quarter. Democrats banned straws.


Welcome back, Stilton. You were missed.

Colby Muenster said...

Welcome back, Stilton! You were sorely missed, but it was only a week after all (easy to say NOW). I was going to rib you a bit about picking an easy target, but ol' Maxine just BEGS for it doesn't she? She is living proof that the voters in her district just pull the big "D" lever in the voting booth, no matter what.

Logic would say that the Demoncrats are digging their own graves for November 2018, but I've been around long enough to know not to count my chickens before the proverbial hatching takes place. I would dearly LOVE to see a red wave like no other, but reality will no doubt stab me in the back yet again.

@Shelly,
I occasionally go to a landfill to dispose of my trash, and by golly, the place is 99.87% straws! Mountains and mountains of straws, and nothing else! I'm GLAD they banned them!
..
..
Seriously, this law ranks right up there with DeBlabbio's ban of sodas larger than 16 ounces.

Jess said...

If she had educated constituents, she wouldn't be in Congress, if she had educated constituents.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

I don't understand how she gets re-elected

Oh! Oh! That's an easy one! Because.... CAH-lee-FONE-ya.

Speaking of that mythical land, there was a big old chunk of CAH-lee-FONE-ya wanted to become some other state. I wonder if that will get any traction this cycle? Imagine if the sane part left the whole. CAH-lee-FONE-ya would no longer be such a powerhouse in presidential elections! Their libtardian votes in Congress would be nullified by an equal, but opposite vote (except for, maybe, in the House)...

But it's all predicated on two equally unlikely things: that the effort gets any traction, and that there is actually any part of CAH-lee-FONE-ya we would consider "sane"...

(Welcome back, Stilt!)

Popular Front said...

I know that it is the vagaries of the cameraman but why does every picture of Maxine Waters look like someone standing close to her just farted?

John the Econ said...

@Shelly, and North Korea cancelled their annual "We hate America" rally. Today, Italy's leadership announced that they're more interested in being friends with Trump than the EU. (The Italian non-elite are as tired of out-of-control immigration as non-elite Americans are)

Trump is now threatening to close down the government if Congress does get moving on the wall.

Meanwhile, the streets of San Francisco are covered in used syringes and human waste, and yet Democrats across the nation are laser-focused on the real enemy, straws.

That's what they're going into the midterms with. Socialists and the war on straws.

Gee M said...

I heard about Sanctuary cities for Plastic Straws ...tre cool.

I wonder why the ACLU or Gloria Allred haven't sued Maxine over the soda assault of the 16 year old and subsequent loss of his MAGA hat... that certainly counts as "making them feel unwelcome anywhere"...sigh...they'd probably just claim "TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME" and be found non-rational enough as to be not responsible for the assault.

Anonymous said...

I find it ironic that Democrats having gotten God out of schools, courthouses and anywhere else they could will use his name if it suits their purpose.

Rod said...

Poor lady. Maybe she didn't listen to her mother and her face stuck that way.

I know that's crude, but it's nothing compared to the outrageous things she says which are meant to be taken seriously by many.

Jack Colby said...

I have no doubt about Maxine's mission. But from what god? ZUUL? Or the big guy himself, Gozer?

Jeffersonian said...

Nice Blues Brothers link. Love it.