Monday, July 30, 2018
We don't pretend to have great theological expertise, but Maxine Waters' recent declaration that she's on a "mission from God" seems to put her squarely in the same category of previous divine tools as plagues of locusts, frogs, flies, lice, and eruptions of large, painful boils which would even make Dr. Pimple Popper lose her lunch.
If we take Maxine at her word about God's purpose for her, it suggests that her entire life until now has been utterly pointless, an idea with which we can't really take issue. Seriously, what has this bitter woman actually accomplished over her long, angry life other than giving blobfish a reason to feel slightly better about their looks?
Considering the latest GDP numbers, it certainly doesn't look like God is out to get Trump. And even if He were, we don't think His known propensity for using "mysterious ways" would explain the overstuffed clown car of goofballs who have been trying (and failing) to drive the President from office.
Perhaps Maxine needs to look a bit deeper into her own soul when it comes to getting guidance from God. Because on the seventh day, even He knew when it was time to give it a rest.
BONUS: IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCK...
We couldn't resist using Maxine's smug mug to address another nail-biting national crisis...
Posted by Stilton Jarlsberg at 12:01 AM