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Friday, August 10, 2018

Butt Weight, There's Moore!

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, michael moore, fahrenheit 11/9

As if there wasn't enough nail-biting uncertainty about the mid-term elections already, another potentially disruptive event has been announced: in September, documentarian Michael "Where's the craft service table?" Moore will be releasing his latest cinematic opus - an attack on Donald Trump entitled "Fahrenheit 11/9." Presumably because Michael still has thousands of old posters from his earlier film "Fahrenheit 9/11" and he figures he can get more use out of them with a Post-it note covering the only part of the title being changed.

Okay, actually he thinks he's being really clever comparing 11/9 (Trump's election date) to 9/11 (a world-changing assault on our nation). Which, frankly, isn't a bad angle to take - and we should know. We used a similar switcheroo for a cartoon about Obama over 5 years ago.

The trailer for Moore's documentary is pretty much exactly what you'd expect it to be: context-free two second clips of Trump juxtaposed with a KKK rally to make him look bad, intercut with multiple shots of Michael Moore staring at the outsides of big buildings with a strained/puzzled look on his face like he needs to use a pay toilet but has nothing in his pockets except some melting Peppermint Patties.

Moore, who spends his time between documentaries hiring himself out to parties as a Rosie O'Donnell lookalike, is encouraging other celebrities to, like him, "put their bodies on the line" for the anti-Trump Resistance.

Although frankly, if their bodies are like his, no one will even be able to see the line.

BONUS: HOORAY FOR HOLLYWEIRD
stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, lefty lucy, oscars, most popular, hillary, electoral college

We're willing to bet right now that the first person to present the Academy's new award will be Hillary Clinton. You read it here first.

24 comments:

Regnad Kcin said...

Michael Moore/Rosie O'Donnell separated at birth ? Lefty Lucy is their love child ? Is fecal matter brown ? Are bears Catholic ? Does the Pope crap in the woods ? Are Chuckie Schumer and Nancy Pelosi fraternal twins ? Does Jim Acosta have every room in his house lined with mirrors ? All these questions and so little time......

Jason Anyone said...

I predict his new project will be every bit the success his last one was...and less.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/russespinoza/2017/10/24/michael-moores-one-man-broadway-debut-closes-with-tepid-results/

"Written and performed by Moore and directed by veteran Broadway presence Michael Mayer (American Idiot, Hedwig and the Angry Inch), The Terms of My Surrender was regarded as "shaggy and self-aggrandizing" by theater critic Jesse Green in an August review for The New York Times, with the author additionally opining that Moore's "shtick has become disagreeable with age."

In a crossfire of positive and negative reviews from a range of outlets over the course of the show's term in front of Broadway audiences, The New York Times, The New Yorker and the Los Angeles Times formed a consensus that Moore's act was difficult to stomach and ill-fitting for the medium given his inexperience as a true performer.

"I have no political beef with Moore," wrote Charles McNulty, resident theater critic at the Los Angeles Times, "but I found myself cringing at the self-congratulatory applause that would break out when he would utter one of his pieties. And I lost patience with the way he seemed to both want sympathy for being a victim of the right and adulation for being the champion of all mankind."

Despite the yield of disappointing ticket sales and a lukewarm reception by critics, Moore tells The Wall Street Journal that his first taste of Broadway was "the most artistically gratifying experience of my life" and that "talks [are] happening about taking [the] show on the road."


No, fuckface. When they were able to finally pull the curtain on your show, (while silently wishing they could wrap you in it and drop your fat ass in the harbor), they said, "Hit the road!" I guess it truly is bliss, huh?

REM1875 said...

Friday already .......how the hell did this happen???

Fred Ciampi said...

When, oh when are sedition laws going to start being enforced? Just wondering.

Monty Montour said...

Slovenly Michael Moore is proof that God takes care of babies and fools.

Gee M said...

What a show...!
Michel "Too Much" Moore emoting onstage to underwhelmed audiences...with encore performances of Rosie "2 Ton" O'Donnell's coterie of nattering nabobic singers bringing home the horrors of a Trumpian world; complete with rampant reptilian raptors rending the flesh of Leftie babies and grandmothers! I'm sure...accompanied by appropriate onstage fireworks fountains and a screaming Rosie!
Who wouldn't wanna pay to see that?
Just sayin'...

Rod said...

Hollywood can preserve their true image a while longer by assuring the new "Pop" Oscar is presented by a hot actress who has had a few issues with low self esteem.

Since Hollywood has a lock on representing the "Pop" film industry, it seems they need some other town to represent the occasional classy, historically accurate & conservative part of it. Give us some time; we'll think of one.

John Fernau said...

To Regnad Kcin. Lefty Lucy their love child? Outside of the vomit inducing thought of O'Donnell being naked(sorry for that image and I hope you have some eye bleach) I don't even think John Holmes had the length to get past all that fat. I think of lefty Lucy as the before example of the classic question "What is the difference between a liberal and a conservative? A liberal is a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet, or in this day and age paid taxes." She just needs a bit of life education and will come to the light and intelligent side.

Fish Out of Water said...

While I agree that pathetic, serial attention whores/con artists like this accident of history, need to be confronted and exposed, I would think the thinking world at least, knows already what he is. And taking him apart once again may be intellectual fun, doing so feeds the beast, gives him what he's craving.

Take away the 'air' and he like others will disappear and if they are lucky, they might be noted with a tiny asterisk in history

Geoff King said...

Fahrenheit 9/11 or 11/9. Either way it's still not a cold enough day in hell to get me to watch anything produced by Michael the Hutt.

TrickyRicky said...

The real irony is that Fahrenheit 451 prophesied the type of evil, dystopian world which the Maoist freaks who now run the Democrat party hope to facilitate. Ray Bradbury is likely spinning in his grave.

Stinking Bishop said...

Michael Moore: covered in the flop sweat of a man desperately trying to stay relevant.

John the Econ said...

Today's cartoon is spot-on. I think it was James Taranto of The Wall Street Journal that once summed up Michael Moore the best: (paraphrasing from memory)

It's easy to understand why Michael Moore does what he does. It's quite profitable. The real question is "Why does anyone listen to him?".

Like most elite Progressives, Moore is a master of exploiting capitalism to slam capitalism. What I don't get is why people who hate capitalism because of how it enriches the seemingly unworthy like being exploited by Moore and keeping him comfortably within the 1% set.

It's also interesting to note that the people who complain the loudest about those who are striving to "divide America" will be the only ones to gleefully pay money to see a film that's only purpose is to do just that.

Academy's New Award: I don't pay close enough attention to Hollywood to understand this or care all that much. Are they saying that the films they choose to honor are snoozefests? I can appreciate the quest to aware "quality" which is not necessarily the same thing as "mass appeal". But it looks to me like the academy wants to have it both ways; they want to show off what they consider quality, but also want a TV show with mass appeal. Good luck with that.

In the story linked above, I did catch this supposedly irony-free tweet from CNN's Jake Tapper:

"I was just saying Hollywood needs to be encouraged more officially to focus more on box office, less on quality"

You sure are one to talk about ratings and quality, Jake.

James Daily said...

Hillary presenting an award? That will really bring in the audience to a failing awards show. She is home now thinking how she can get her 30%. With her sticky fingers and her falling down and can't navigate an incline, yea, good luck with that presentation.

Rod said...

@ James Daily: Especially if the most popular film at the time happens to be about her defeat and Trump's huuuuggglllyyy successful take-over. But it would have to be a foreign film & a documentary

Colby Muenster said...

I think Fatboy Moore should try doing some live shows in Alabama, Wyoming or South Carolina. I'm sure his audiences would be MUCH larger and more appreciative of his great and omnipotent wisdom.

Seriously, he ranks right up there with lying ass, enviro-whore, Al Gore. Making shit up, selling it as gospel, then going home to a plush mansion to count the money.

Academy Awards: I can't recall a time when they honored a movie that I actually liked or would pay my hard earned money to see. Are they finally starting to realize that they have become irrelevant to us "normal" people, so they are throwing us a "most popular movie" bone? Strike that.... they are beyond irrelevant, they are elitist snobs. I don't believe for a second that any of these douchebags would go see something like Guardians of the Galaxy or Star Wars, so how are they going to decide what a "popular" movie is?

@Tricky ricky,
Funny you should mention Fahrenheit 451. People like Michael Moore would jump at an opportunity to burn The Constitution along with every last accurate history book, then rewrite them to their liking.

Sortahwitte said...

Our local library lends movies on dvd and vhs for free. Their collection goes back to the silent movies clear up to some of the latest. They do practice some discrimination on the latest crap. They also have a lot of the series that have been on tv lately.
Check it out! Ha Ha, get it? Of course you do.

Regnad Kcin said...

I'm a member of the Marmot Consortium at my local library here in DenCO. We can access books and dvds from libraries all over the state. I got hooked on David Weber space operas (Honor Harrington series, the best). The ones not in local stock came from some very out of the way bookeries up in the hills. This is the first practical use of taxpayer money I've seen that actually works the way it's intended. More states should look into this system.

valvenator said...

Maybe what we need to do is come up with our own award program for biggest jerks of the year. We could nickname it "The Slappies"

"...and this years 'Golden Slap Award' nominees are:
Michael Moore, Hillary Clinton, Rosie O'Donnel and just waaaaay too many others to list here in our short two hour program. Since in this era of political incorrectness picking a winner would be wrong, each will get 1'st prize just to be fair!"

Judi King said...

"Butt weight".....perfect caption.
How do these losers keep getting press?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Regnad Kcin- An enquiring mind is a terrible thing to waste.

@Jason Anyone- Thanks for sharing that review. I can't readily imagine a worse experience on Broadway than watching Moore slumped into a chair talking about his own greatness.

@REM1875- Isn't that a quote from Robinson Crusoe?

@Fred Ciampi- I'm guessing they'll be enforced next time there's a Dem in the Oval Office...and we'll be the targets.

@Monty Montour- And Moore pretty much fits in both categories.

@Gee M- There are very few people capable of presenting an autobiographical one man show. The late Spalding Gray was one. The critics say that Bruce Springsteen has pulled it off successfully. Michael Moore? Not so much.

@Rod- I'd find this new "popularity" oscar disheartening if I bothered to care. But I'm sure the studios are doing backflips; getting an Academy award translates to millions in additional revenues.

@John Fernau- Like you, I prefer to think that Lefty Lucy will eventually have an awakening and become conservative. I'm not sure if that's optimism on my part or just the fact that she's too darn cute to hate.

@Fish Out of Water- You're right and I probably shouldn't even have given him blog space today. But what the heck, it's a Friday and I didn't mind having an easy target.

@Geoff King- Amen to that. Moore has nothing useful to say.

@TrickyRicky- Amazingly, Lefties never see themselves as the bad guys when reading dystopian classics like Fahrenheit 411, 1984, Brave New World, Animal Farm, etc. They could learn a lot.

@Stinking Bishop- Well put. I think the fact that he's parroting the title of his most successful documentary shows what a pointless cash grab this is. And by the way, Moore had to hustle to find a new distributor for this in something of a hurry - it was supposed to go out under the banner of Moore's pal Harvey Weinstein.

@John the Econ- Moore is indeed a consummate capitalist, and those who have worked for him have let it be known he's definitely not a "share the wealth" type of guy. Who knew that "hypocrite" could actually be a job description?

Regarding the new Academy Award, aren't there already plenty of popularity prizes for movies? The "People's Choice" Awards, or whatever the hell Nickelodeon does? Sadly, Jake Tapper's quote captures the essence of this retreat from quality.

@James Daily- Not only will Hillary present the award, I predict they'll have a hard time pulling it out of her talons.

@Rod- Maybe Dinesh D'Souza's latest, "Death of a Nation," could snag the award. Just kidding - it will go to a superhero movie.

@Colby Muenster- Maybe Moore should take his one man show overseas. For all I know, they love him in France.

Regarding the Academy Awards, it's been a long time since I've given a flying fart about them. A couple of years ago, the "best picture" was Michael Keaton's "Birdman" and it absolutely sucked. And I say that as a fan of Keaton. The awards just don't mean anything anymore. And as a stray thought, the new "most popular" Oscar should actually look like a Kardashian, just to cement the irony.

@Sortahwitte- I've got 3 DVDs from our local library sitting on my desk right now. It's a heck of a resource!

@Regnad Kcin- Our library system here in Plano, TX sounds like yours. We can reserve items online, "borrow" ebooks, and do scads more. And in our area, the library is always packed with patrons. As you say, one of the better uses of tax money.

@valvenator- I like it! There are already "Razzie" awards for films that just stink up the stage, but the "Slappies" could capture the market on calling out those in filmdom for pure assholery!

@Judi King- These losers get press (including here) because it's easy and fills the space. Actual journalists should aim higher.

Velveeta Processed Cheese Food said...

The last Oscar award I paid any attention to was for Reese Witherspoon in "Walk the Line," the 2005 Johnny Cash biopic. I thought Phoenix should have gotten Best Actor and the flick, best flick. I marvelled that Witherspoon was able to sing that well in a southern accent. I didn't know then she was raised in Tennessee, so that was probably close to how she really sounds, if she lets herself.

JustaJeepGuy said...

@Regnad Kcin and @Stilt, the downtown library here in Colorado Springs is always packed, too. Sadly, the people who pack the library are the homeless bums, many of whom have come here because of the marijuana. The homeless population problem is out of control here.

REM1875 said...

@REM1875- Isn't that a quote from Robinson Crusoe?

OMG I think I just hurt myself ..........Had to stop Mrs Rem from calling EMS........thought I was suffering an attack of some sort .......