Unjust Desserts

If you're finding the election results very hard to swallow, there's a good reason why. And to us, it's also an obvious reason, though our liberal friends who natter "there's no evidence of widespread voter fraud" are blind to it. Which is why we'd like them to conduct the following little thought experiment.

On National Choose Your Dessert Day, you're presented with two sealed boxes. One is marked "Apple Pie" and the other is marked "Dog Poop." You have to pick one and eat the contents, but the choice is entirely up to you. Those who are administering the procedure won't attempt to influence you in any way when you're making your choice, and you've been clearly and repeatedly assured that the boxes are labeled with complete accuracy. Once your choice is made, no one but you will open the box, ensuring you get exactly what you chose.

So which box do you pick, knowing you'll have to chow down on the contents?

Probably the box that says "apple pie," right? Which is a shame, because now you have to eat a large, steaming pile of dog poop. The delicious fresh-baked apple pie with streusel crumbles and a solid gold fork (also yours to keep) was in the other box. Because the labels on the boxes were lies and the people who assured you they were accurate were liars.

The selection process was fair and not rigged in any way and no amount of investigation will show otherwise. Don't like the outcome? Go ahead and take your case to the Supreme Court. They'll not only rule that the process was fair, but Chief Justice John Roberts will also give you a hefty "contempt of court" fine because your breath smells like dog ass.

But while the process was fair, the selection itself was "fixed" before you ever made your choice and got that "I Had Dessert" sticker applied to your vomit-streaked shirt.

And this, of course, is how the presidential election was "fixed" without the need for faked ballots, nefarious computer algorithms, or a big turnout by The Voting Dead. For four years, people were repeatedly lied to and told that President Trump was inside a box falsely marked "racist, sexist, lunatic, fascist, Russian agent" while the other box was labeled "Honest Joe Biden with Delicious Streusel Crumbles." A label you could only read after brushing away a cloud of buzzing flies. 

People were free to choose...they just weren't free to know what they were really choosing.

Which raises three important questions: how soon should "unity and healing" begin after a fixed election, how long should we keep letting a cabal of liars get away with distorting our choices, and when in the living hell will Democrats realize that their own mouths aren't full of apple pie?

UPDATE/CLARIFICATION

Just to be clear, as the Invisible Man used to say, today's post is not intended to say that there wasn't a wide and rich variety of voting fraud. We think there was and, whether or not it was enough to tip the election, there needs to be a rigorous investigation followed by prosecutions and appropriate wall-and-blindfold-based punishment.

Our point is that even if that happens and even if no direct fraud is shown to have taken place (fat chance), it wouldn't change our opinion that the election was "fixed" by four years of false information beaten into the American electorate. Which is why we'll never, never accept this election or its results as legitimate.