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Friday, January 1, 2021

2020: The Year In Rebuke - Part Three

Welcome back to another heaping helping of the seemingly endless misery that was the year 2020! According to the number of empty scotch bottles here on our desktop, we've apparently arrived at...

SEPTEMBER

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Casting subtlety to the wind, Antifa/BLM just flat out started murdering people in cold blood...and cheering about it. Which no one on the Left really criticized, other than to say the violence was the fault of Trump supporters because they're just so damn fun to kill.

Not that killing was on everyone's mind...


President Trump, the creator of a so-called "climate of hate," was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize owing to his diplomatic work in the Middle East and North Korea, scaling down current wars, and keeping the largest military power on Earth (us!) from getting involved in any new wars.  Sure, all of that wasn't quite as impressive as Barack Obama's Nobel Peace Prize-winning accomplishment of simultaneously being Black and having well-creased pants, but still...not bad for a White guy.

In the face of this accomplishment, Joe Biden's camp had to double down on his strong points...

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So Basement Joe Biden was definitely still in the game, but it wasn't the only game in town...

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Okay, we just made this up after watching the tortuous pre-game racial lecturing and singing of a new Black National Anthem, "Lift Every Voice in Song, Doo-Dah, Doo-Dah," before whatever the hell NFL game it was that particular Sunday. 

As awful as it was, the event was apparently the last entry on a certain person's long, long bucket list...

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Ruth Bader Ginsburg died at age 87, after which those on the Left declared that a "most fervent wish" or "final wish" should take precedence over all other pesky legal considerations like the Constitution. Unsurprisingly, President Trump didn't agree, and quickly nominated a replacement to fill Ginsburg's teeny tiny seat on the Supreme Court... 

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Amy Coney Barrett was such a superb nominee that the Democrats had to resort to new lows to criticize her. She was asked if she had sexually harassed anyone, after which Democrats attacked her for having adopted two black children from Haiti, saying "transracial adoption is fraught with trauma and potential for harm." And they may have had a point: just look at the sad case of the small black boy who was raised by privileged white people instead of his biological parents and grew up, tragically, to be Barack Obama.

But this contentious fight was sidelined when Joe Biden and President Trump finally met on the debate stage...

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Hey, get an Oval Office you two!

Just kidding. The "debate" really consisted of the two men shouting spit-flecked insults at each other while alleged moderator Chris Wallace stammered, sipped vodka, and eventually just gave up and played solitaire.

Annoyed at being elbowed out of the news, Covid-19 decided to grab headlines in...

OCTOBER

Donald Trump and many other Washington notables came down with Covid-19, which was likely contracted during the President's surprisingly maskless event announcing Amy Comey Barret's nomination. But was it truly contagion, or was it witchcraft...?

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Fortunately, Vice President Mike Pence wasn't infected, allowing him to debate Kamala Harris in a titanic clash which will forever be immortalized in political history for one reason...

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Yes, a large fly landed on Mike Pence's head and sat there for two hypnotic minutes. Pence seemed entirely unaware of the fly's presence despite the fact that it was putting on little skis and preparing for a downhill run across his snowy head of hair. But Kamala Harris was definitely aware of the fly and showed frustration at her inability to snap it up with her lizard-like projectile tongue owing to the stage's plexiglass coronavirus barriers.

Having heard from the presidential and vice-presidential candidates, we were personally ready to cast our early ballot so we could more fully concentrate on drinking until election day...


Unsurprisingly, we voted for Trump (and against the Democrats). Since this apparently made us fascist members of the Nazi party, we had to reflect on what we were actually voting for:

• To keep the Supreme Court a judicial rather than legislative body.
• To keep racists from gaining even more political power.
• To keep our future votes from being disenfranchised by the addition of new Democrat "states."
• To free Black Americans from their liberal prison plantations by increasing their access to
    education and opportunity.
• To stand in solidarity with the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.
• To clean up the FBI, the CIA, and the DOJ.
• To keep socialism from devouring our economy and work ethic.
• To have legal citizenship actually mean something.
• To improve everyone's access to quality, affordable healthcare.
• To ensure equal rights to all regardless of race, color, faith, or sexual orientation.
• To fight against "cancel culture."
• To protect our cities from those who would burn them down without fear of legal
    consequence.
• To resist the control of all information and speech by giant media conglomerates.
• To support police agencies and the communities which they serve.
• To maintain a viable economy during the pandemic rather than embrace systemic failure.
• To allow political dissent and the free exchange of ideas.
• To drain the Washington swamp.
• To keep our military strong.
• To put America first.

And much, much more of course. What we didn't vote for, knowingly or unknowingly, were any of the heinous "foul beliefs" liberals imagined to be in our coal-black heart. And as early absentee votes continued to pour in, Trump's campaign suddenly received a special boon...

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Yes, he really did this

Joe Biden's son Hunter abandoned a laptop computer which contained thousands of personal photos, including of sex and drug use, and scads of emails which suggested that Joe Biden was selling his influence as Vice President to any foreign country that would line Hunter's pockets (including China and Ukraine). The story, however, didn't get any traction because virtually all "news" media outlets completely ignored it - the only exceptions being the news anchors who calmly reported, with their pants on fire, that the whole story was somehow "Russian misinformation."

Still, just to make sure Biden wouldn't be in the news, it seemed like a good time for surprisingly well-funded and organized rioters to grab the spotlight again...

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Buildings burned, looters looted, and fresh waves of Leftist violence swept the streets after police fatally shot a black man for no reason whatsoever other than that he was big, out of his mind, and was chasing them with a butcher knife.  Liberals pooh-poohed the danger from "just a knife," while ignoring a simultaneous story from England about an "Allahu Akbar"-spouting maniac who used a similar knife to kill two people and behead a third before his bullet-ridden corpse was delivered to the 72 virgins who, hopefully, had an assload of band-aids handy.

And while we'd usually use the whole knife thing as a setup for an "unkindest cut of all" gag, the real "unkindest cut" was just around the corner in...

NOVEMBER

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As votes were more-or-less tabulated on election day, a series of magical events took place: in multiple swing states, the counting was suddenly halted in the dead of night, observers were made to leave (or were pushed back too far to watch), and absolute craploads of votes for Joe Biden suddenly appeared out of the ether, putting him ahead in races where he'd previously trailed. 

Several contentious days later, the media - and only the media - announced that Basement Joe Biden was not only the winner, but had gathered more votes than any other candidate in history, despite never having drawn a crowd of more than 20 people on the campaign trail.  President Trump, credibly claiming election fraud, fought (and continues to fight) the "results" - but the media-blown wind was clearly in Biden's sails...

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As the surreal days ticked by, weary Americans were at least able to look forward to Thanksgiving. An attitude which, of course, liberals weren't going to put up with...

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Oregon's Governor Kate Brown, who had previously only given thanks for street violence in her state, told
 citizens to call the (allegedly trigger-happy) police on any neighbors who dared to have more than six people present for Thanksgiving.

On the plus side, Governor Brown did make citizens in 49 other states thankful that they didn't live under her fascist rule.

Eschewing (gesundheit!) a Thanksgiving feast, number-crunchers continued to chew on the wildly unusual election returns...

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Joe Biden's alleged "win" would violate all statistical precedent unless a long, long list of election improprieties was actually vote fraud on a massive scale. A likelihood that only grew in plausibility as anecdotal evidence continued to mount in...

DECEMBER

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With election "news" being buried or misrepresented, Americans were free to turn their attentions to the fact that somebody had been blocking Covid relief funding for months...

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Nancy Pelosi, in a rare act of almost-truthfulness, admitted that she'd blocked Covid relief money because she didn't want the American people to have any help or good news until there was a different president. Because, and we say this with all due respect, she is a horrible blood-sucking bitch.

But as Hillary Clinton so well knows, no election is really over until the electoral college casts its votes. Which went in Biden's favor, even though he showed up at the wrong location...

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"God bless trade schools!"

The voting took place after the failure of a legal challenge, raised by Texas and joined by many other states, that made the reasonable-sounding claim that voters in states with fair elections are harmed by having their votes defecated upon by states with Constitutionally illegal elections. 

Being a state vs state case, the matter was immediately sent to the Supreme Court for consideration. Which, being 2020, went like this:


So Christmas came early for Joe Biden, while the rest of America wondered if Christmas would come at all...

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Still, the holiday wasn't completely without a measure of Christmas cheer. At least, until we got more doom and gloom from the "Basement Office of the President-Elect"...

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Joe Biden announced that "our darkest days in the battle against Covid are ahead of us," which seemed like an awfully dismal thing to say considering that President Trump had gotten multiple vaccines to market impossibly quickly and mobilized logistical teams which began delivering inoculations on an unprecedented scale.

We can only assume that Joe's pessimism was related to the self-awareness that he's about to royally screw up everything in our great nation, eagerly assisted by the charlatans, commies, and Constitution-loathing toadies (all very, very diverse!) who will populate his administration.

As the year draws to a close (in our fantasy, at least, mounting the gallows steps to a waiting rope necktie), President Trump continues to challenge the election results - and this has been a wacky enough year that we wouldn't be surprised if he manages to pull it out. Nor will we be surprised if he doesn't. Because like everyone else, we've been exhausted by the pummeling of this year and just want it to be over.

Which, at the time of this writing, is about 10 hours away. And that's more than enough time for 2020 to still wallop us with an asteroid strike, a super-volcano, a nuclear attack, an alien invasion, Godzilla doing the hop, skip, and jump on a major metropolis, or ravenous zombies rising from their graves in search of brains. 

Frankly, watching them starve could be the high point of our year.

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32 comments:

Velveeta Processed Cheese Food said...

I just threw my 2020 calendars in the woodstove. Not much, but it was some satisfaction.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Velveeta Processed Cheese Food- Mine went into the recycling bin, but weather permitting (it was rainy all day today) tomorrow I'll take it to our outdoor chimnea for a ritual burning.

JustaJeepGuy said...


I had a thought the other day about the 200,000+ more votes than voters in Pennsylvania: the Demo_Rats assumed that their fraudulent mail-in ballots were going to be enough to give Gropey Joe and Kamalatoe the win just by themselves. When they saw that President Trump was w-a-a-a-y more popular than they had expected, they panicked and "stopped the count". They threw out the Republican observers and only then started running ballots through the counting machines 8, 10, 12 times until they created enough votes for Gropey Joe to win. Unfortunately, they forgot to check how many voters there were and ended up with the 200,000+ extra votes. I think much the same thing happened in the other disputed states.

I've said it before: there's no way in hell Gropey Joe and Kamalatoe could win an HONEST election and the Demo_Rats know it. They are all perfectly okay with cheating and using the Stalin method to do so. Oh, how I loathe the Demo_Rats.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

I think this sums matters up:

https://twitter.com/marmelmm/status/1344891586807738368

Just about done with the bottle of champagne, so the Clan MacGregor is next in line.

JustaJeepGuy said...


@3M, have you had that made into a shirt already?

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Jeep: Not yet, but feel free to do so! ;-)

Dan said...

Happy New Year!

NaCly Dog said...

I am positive you will have plenty of material for comedy. Until the Thought Police break down your door.

So we gots that to look forward to.

NaCly Dog said...

Happy New Year to you and yours.

mamafrog said...

Ya'll have a Happ(ier)y New Year from here in Oklahoma. And you are all in my prayers because we are going to need help for sure this year.

Velveeta Processed Cheese Food said...

@Stilt: It's 6 degrees here now. I'll take BTUs anywhere I can get them.

Fred Ciampi said...

Happy New Year to one and all from Hillbillyland (SW Virginia near the WV border). It's 5 AM and we've been up for a couple of hours. Yay. I can hardly wait for the 6th. This year promises to be even more interesting than 2020, if that's even possible. Lucky for me I have a good supply of Clan McMoonshine, a big screen TV, and lots of radio gear. Oh, and ammo too. Semper fi.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Happy New Year from the Hobo Family!

Rod said...

To get it over with a little sooner I went to bed at 9:30 PM 2020; and just woke up at 6AM 2021. Best night of sleep I've had in a while; off to a good start. Happy New Year everyone.

PA Ray said...

Great review Stilton! Thoroughly enjoyable reads the last 3 days. Here’s hoping for justice to prevail.
Fasten your seatbelts on January 6.

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Ray: Justice will ultimately prevail.

One way or another.

Shelly said...

Happy New Year to Stilton and all his aficionados here at Stilton's Place. I'm hopeful this year will be much better than the last. I feel like the great unwashed, the real people and patriots, are not going to sit back and take it anymore like wishy washy Republicans have for years. The corrupted Democrats may have succeeded at last in getting rid of Trump but they've spent so much time on that one man, they've ignored the unbelievable movement he created. And they will learn that just because they managed to fraudulently win an election, that doesn't mean they can govern with no mandate and 80 million pissed off people. Still hoping for the miracle on January 6th though.

John the Econ said...

Violence: One of the greatest gaslights the left pulled off last year was establishing the narrative that the big threat to civility in America is this imaginary white supremacist uprising, all while BLM, Antifa, bored-with-life anarchists, and Soros-employed operatives are running amok in the streets looting, burning, literally taking over neighborhoods, and murdering with the implicit permission of Democrat mayors, governors, congresspeople and Biden.

Trump's Nobel Prize: Considering that for decades now the Nobel Peace Prize has been nothing more than the expression of Euro-Progressive hopes and wet dreams that have previously gone to terrorists, gropey climate warriors that make up stuff and of course hope-n-dreamers with empty resumes, the likelihood of Trump actually getting is actually less-than-zero. But he certainly deserves one for actual results. Today, Israelis are travelling to formerly verboten Arab countries, and not by train to camps.

Social Justice & the NFL: Another gaslight by rich athletes who desperately want to be known for something more substantial than being rich athletes.

RBG's Wish: Who knew that she could have granted her own wish all along, at least up until 2017.

ACB Nomination: Can you imagine what these leftist bullies would do to Mother Teresa?

What We Voted For: AMEN! If only someone could get that list to the GOP leadership, if there is any.

Hunter's Laptop: If anything, it proved once and for all where "big tech" and the media lies.

Report your neighbor's Thanksgiving gathering: Every day, we have to imagine less about what life in East Germany was like.

America's Darkest Days are Ahead of Us: Of course they are. Because without doom and gloom, there's absolutely no reason for the existence of the modern Democrat.
It has always disgusted me that we have a major political party in this country that is entirely dependent upon people suffering in order to justify its agenda and very existence, and are perfectly happy to do whatever they can to see to it that even our most vulnerable citizens suffer as much as they can make possible.


That is why I say that we ignore their manufactured gloom. This is still the greatest country on the face of the planet. Let's act like it in 2021!

Snark said...

Happy New Year! To all here @Stilton's Place - especially the MAN himself!

I have given up on miracles. Miracles depend on God and apparently the dhimmicrats have pissed Him off enough that He's letting us clean up our own mess. I don't trust ANYONE in gubbermint, and expect that even the better of them will roll over and let the anarchists destroy anything they want. I do have hopes that the 2022 election will allow actual patriotic citizens to correct at least part of the despicable legislature. I'm not holding my breath, though. I AM casting lead and stuffing brass. Just in case, you know.

Sortahwitte said...

We slept in this AM. Here in my town in Oklahoma, some people celebrate at midnight with fireworks. Big fireworks. Until 2 am fireworks.

I would venture a calculated guess about the year 2021. We will live in interesting times. 50 years ago, in the swamp, my mantra was: "stay low and keep your head on a swivel." Also good thinking for today.

Went to the shooting range last week. Nobody there. Practicing seems to be over.
Maybe waiting for the main event.

mamafrog said...

@Sortahwitte, same thing here, lol. Sad to say it a while to figure out what it was, worse yet. Just thought at first it was my video I was watching. My dogs weren't reacting so I finally had to poke my head out the back door to figure it out, sheltered yard in a basically quiet neighborhood. Don't think anyone had the big ones here, too cold and they were still partying maybe. And it was wet and the snow was starting so...

John the Econ said...

As I sit here watching some football, let me add one more item to the list of things officially died in 2020: California.

From their bankrupt fiscal situation, ever escalating taxes against the ever diminishing quality of state services to their open borders and sanctuary cities to the drug-addled zombie armies of the homeless that took over more public and private spaces to criminals who no longer fear the police or ironically-named justice system to billions spent on a train literally to nowhere while ignoring their water system intended for 20-million people as it crumbles supporting 40-million to their uni-party Progressive leaders who order shutdowns upon the citizenry to address a crisis and then ignore their own edicts and behave as though absolutely nothing is wrong, to the people who actually create and maintain the jobs that sustain the state deciding that they've had enough and picking up and leaving.

In the last few weeks, jewels in California's high-tech economic crown like Elon Musk and his company Tesla, HP, Oracle, and countless other CEOs you've never heard of and their companies representing literally hundreds-of-thousands of employees have announced that they're pulling the ejection handle and fleeing California for Texas. They aren't the first and they won't be the last.

Those who remain behind will be faced with even higher taxes to make up the difference while demand for state services from those who don't pay taxes proportional to their consumption continues and the quality of services and public infrastructure continue to degrade for everyone else.

And for the final proof of my thesis: As I write this I am watching one of premier events in sports, the Rose Bowl being played not in California, but in Texas.

Driftwood said...

Snark, give up on miracles if you want. Trump has many cards to play and they'll be played this week. And possibly in his next term.

Rod said...

@ Sortahwitte: Reminds me of last time I check sighting on best C.F. rifle. I used a weighted bench rest machine to take my error out of it. My error can vary a bit due to circumstances but I wanted to know what rifle & cartridge were doing. Posted a 100 yd target at 200; carefully fired first (cold) shot. Not just a bullseye, it nicked the Center X. I was done. God bless older & high quality firearms.

Rod said...

@ John the Econ: Very well said above; thank you. The CA to TX moves may be good for business but are probably bad news for both states until the adjusted electorates wises-up. I'm sure CA will soon demand & probably receive much federal assistance from incoming administration.

And there's a little thing I've wondered about but never researched. How did it happen that consumer warning labels for all of us are presented with what the State of California has determined about hazards & risks? We really need to quit tolerating and even following following a CA Lea (or lag). In-fact stop & back up from it. A son in Texas agrees & says the fix in CA will require years of re-education across many topics: Science, History, Career, Family, etc. I add: Slow, difficult & unpopular things in which to effect change.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Well, 2020 had one last shot to take at me. Somewhat humorously, working for three days on the "year in review" posts has now left me with a flare-up of carpal tunnel syndrome in my left hand/wrist. So I'm wearing a velcro brace and unable to do much - and need to avoid my computer keyboard as much as possible. So I'm READING everything (and enjoying the comments) but I'm unable to really respond for now. I think I've heard that ice is good for carpal tunnel, particularly if it's in a glass of rotgut scotch...

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Stilton: Owie! Been there, done that, and my carpals ache in sympathy. Braces, ice and muscle relaxants (as in rotgut scotch) do help. :)

JustaJeepGuy said...


Rotgut scotch? As in, "Gimme another shot of that Third Red Eye"?

M. Mitchell Marmel said...

@Jeep: "That's your last chant, cowboy! Out!" ;)

igor said...

You DO realize, don't you Stilt, that the 21st Century is now old enough to drink??

Something tells me it's going to immediately go on a bender...

Just sayin'

Rod said...

@Igor: AHHH. NOW I see why ~2/3 of the population DON'T go along with the math & accounting that tells us THIS is the start of the next decade, not last year. The reasoning being there was no Year Zero. Kind of like Pelosi said, We had to live one to see what was in it.

igor said...

Mr. Jarlesberg,

I freak out when I go through a tunnel, but only when someone else is driving.

Doctor says I have carpool tunnel syndrome.