Live And Impersonator

The Trump vs. Harris debate is coming soon, and the two camps are already preparing for battle. In order to sharpen her rhetorical skills, Harris is said to be doing practice debates against a comedian who is also a skilled Trump impersonator. And frankly, I'd give one of anything I have two of to be able to write lines and insults for that man to use in the practice debates.

Kamala: I'm unburdened by what was.
Stand-in: You're unburdened by a quart of Jack Daniels.

Kamala: I will enact price caps on goods and services.
Stand-in: And that's why they call you Commie Lie Harris. Commie. Lie. Harris.

Kamala: Donald Trump is a convicted felon.
Stand-in: You laugh like a Batman villain. Seriously, it makes you sound crazy. 

Kamala: I'm focused on the future.
Stand-in: Because your past has been a terrible, terrible disaster for all of us. Terrible.

Kamala: I'm a proud black woman.
Stand-in: Remind me - what are the seven principles of Kwanzaa that you and your Indian family always celebrated in Canada?

Kamala: I will continue the policies of Joe Biden.
Stand-in: Do you mind if I use that in a campaign ad?

Kamala: You're Hitler!
Stand-in: You're the one in favor of killing Jews. So wrong. I think you're a Nut-zi.

Trump will surely be practicing for the debate too, but it's doubtful that he'll need a Kamala double to spar with. After all, unlike Harris, Trump fields aggressive questions from the press every day. He already knows how to respond to every accusation and insinuation. And he damn well knows the difference between "joyful" and "nuts"...

LOVE AT FIRST SOUNDBITE

While largely dismissed by the news media as an ineffectual, cackling annoyance, Kamala Harris is now truly, deeply loved and worshipped as a genius and gifted leader by all the talking heads and political parasites. So much so that they're crooning this sweet song...

 

Face The Music

Kamala Harris has chosen Minnesota Governor Tim Walz to be her running mate in the upcoming election, and voters are excitedly proclaiming "Who the hell is that?!"

And the answer is he's a white guy from the Midwest and the Harris team thinks he'll bring in votes because, well shoot, you can't count on flyover country to vote for a radical Black woman, right? Also, they like the symbolism of a white man being seen as subordinate to a (vaguely) Black woman. If Kamala had chosen a Samoan lesbian in a wheelchair the optics just wouldn't have been as tasty.

Walz is, of course, screamingly liberal and enjoys outdoor activities like watching BLM burn cities down while on his watch. He was late calling in the National Guard, and then allowed his daughter to "leak" the security plans so rioters would know which areas to avoid. And there's more damning stuff, but there's no need to list it here. We all knew he was a horrible candidate and a horrible human being when Kamala rightfully thought he belonged on her team.

But thinking of the HARRIS - WALZ signs we'll soon see sprouting up in yards everywhere, it struck me that there was something rather musical about that combination of words.

And so I modestly present "The New Harris Wal(t)z"...

I have no idea if this video will play correctly. Here's hoping!

Who's Laughing Annoyingly Now?

Sadly, their new slogan "Two C**ts At Once!" didn't test well.

"Joe Biden" has officially stepped down, though we'd be very surprised indeed to learn that the real Joe Biden knows anything about it yet. In fact, if they surround him with ice cream and teleprompters, he'll probably continue to believe he's president for the next four years even if he's strapped to his bed at Happy Acres Senior Center.

"Joe" has endorsed Kamala Harris, as have other top democrats who won't mind seeing Trump forever erase her from the national stage. Mind you, that doesn't officially make her the candidate yet, but since she's the only one who can keep the Biden/Harris campaign money and, importantly,  is Black (Jamaican), Asian, and alleged owner of a vagina (Willie Brown can only verify that she has gums), it's impossible for the Dems to replace her without admitting that she's a twit, Joe's a vegetable, and who the hell was really running the country into the ground for the last four years?

Kamala's VP pick isn't yet known, but if it's Hunter Biden, millions of dollars of signs won't need to be reprinted. Still, I'm betting heavily in favor of Secret Service Director Kim Cheatle. Who, coincidentally, may be available to take on a new job as soon as today! She has a brilliant job history of making DEI hires, economizing on protection details, and is wildly popular among Democrats for being the woman who has come closest to taking Trump out of the race. The electoral race and the human race - take your pick.

Kamala Harris could pass some of her responsibilities to Cheatle very easily. For instance, Kamala has been in charge of securing our border and Cheatle has almost exactly the same ability (and same success record) in security. Bonus - rather than building expensive walls at the border, she can authorize a long line of gently sloped roofs to repel invaders. Kamala has also spent these last years being America's AI Security Czar, but I highly doubt that she or anyone else remembers that.

As of this writing, there is no update on what Jumbled Joe Biden himself plans to do when his term runs out - assuming he hasn't first destroyed the world by drooling on the nuclear "football" with the launch codes. There is some speculation that Biden will concentrate mostly on wandering aimlessly (Dr. Jill will be less inclined to call him back), sniffing children real or imagined, and assisting with the plans for the soon-to-be-built Biden Presidential Bribery Library. It may be a national embarrassment, but at least it's fun to say!

If I had a real work ethic, I'd be selling these

FROM THE VAULT

In Kamala's Venn diagram, what Slick Willy and Willie Brown have in common is a willy.