Stubborn as a Mueller

Just to be safe, better do his thumbs too.

President Trump has stated that he's willing to be put under oath to answer questions from special investigator Robert Mueller regarding Russian collusion, potential obstruction of justice, and the whereabouts of the kidnapped Lindberg baby. And, as good ideas go, we'd say this sure as blazes isn't one.

Let us be clear: we don't think Trump is guilty of diddly-squat, nor do we think he's a liar in the (ahem) traditional sense of the word. That being said, we believe the likelihood of his committing perjury under oath to be way over 100%.

This is owing to Trump's unique tendency to believe that anything which comes out of his mouth is true, no matter whether or not it intersects with "reality" in any way.

Take, for one of a million examples, his assertion that he "watched in Jersey City, N.J., where thousands and thousands of people were cheering as the World Trade Center collapsed (on 9/11)." We have no doubt that Trump is telling the truth as he remembers it...but it never happened.

Or more recently when he threatened James Comey with his super-secret White House recordings of private conversations between the two men...which subsequently proved not to exist.

Trump is a showman, a raconteur, a salesman, a serial embellisher, and the owner of a Tourette's style mouth which blurts out anything - and we mean anything - that flits through his mind. We're not even sure his brain is telling his mouth what to say, or whether his brain just likes to listen to his mouth as if it were a favorite talk radio station.

Considering the mounting evidence that the whole Comey/Mueller/FBI/Russia circus was intended to do nothing other than frame Trump and throw him out of office, we think having him say anything under oath is likely to go badly indeed.

Still, if he does go through with this, we'd like to make two suggestions. First, the President should remember that the words "to the best of my recollection" are his new best friends.

And second, at the same session, put Mueller under oath too and let Trump ask him questions about why he chose anti-American conspiracists for his so-called investigative team.

Stuff and Nonsense

We made an extra "shutdown" cartoon on Monday and cleverly decided to save it for today, thinking that we could dodge some work because the Democrats couldn't possibly cave this soon. But we're delighted to admit that we were wrong! Here's the cartoon anyway (waste not, want not)...

And then Life got in the way of creating anything fresh for today. First was our "Active Older Adult" class at the YMCA, followed by several hours of saying "Ow, ow, ow!" whenever we moved.

We then matched wits with our new computer for awhile, slowly making progress on getting it to be a functional part of our work day. By which we mean we figured out how to install games.

Afterwards, we tackled a remodeling chore to prepare our living room windows for (trigger warning!) plantation shutters which will finally be installed Thursday. The task involved a pry bar, a sanding block, lots of pieces of wood studded with potentially lethal nails, and a paintbrush. We did a pretty good job, too, thereby keeping our manliness credentials intact.

And now, well, it's only 5 minutes to Happy Hour. So enjoy the following Earwigs (grin)!

The kazoo's haunting melody brought the royal court to tears.

Jackass-teroids

Donald Trump has officially finished his first full year in office and, depending on who you ask, he either ended that year in a radiant glow of triumph, or standing in the chaotic rubble of a post-apocalyptic world. Albeit one with a booming stock market.

The government has shut down, of course, owing to the fact that Democrats won't allow funding for pretty much anything that Americans want, need, and paid for because they prefer illegal aliens (some of them euphemistically called dreamers) to actual citizens.

Frankly, we're enjoying the shutdown and the media's crazed coverage of this unimaginable, society-destroying catastrophe. Special points go to CNN, an alleged news network, for their claim that the "Government Shutdown Risks An Undetected Asteroid Strike." We're not sure, but it's quite possible that we'll also be more vulnerable to attacks from Godzilla, Mothra, and the 50-Foot Woman.

And speaking of women...

Don't panic, folks - it's just a prune.

To protest Donald Trump's first year in office, activist women took to the streets in orifice to protest whatever the hell is on their silly little minds.

We believe that they're upset that, because of Donald Trump, a multitude of famous (and now unemployed) liberal men started sexually abusing women years and years ago. And no, we don't follow the logic either.

The women flooding the streets also want cheaper, easier access to those who provide baby puréeing services, pay equity (even though they skip work whenever there's a chance to wear vagina masks in public), and handicapped parking stickers to use when they have PMS and are in no damn mood to search all over Hell's half acre for a f*cking parking spot!!!

Amusingly, "pink pussy hats" were somewhat less on display at this year's protests because social justice-conscious women realized that the noggin-warmers might be triggering or offensive to women who have genitalia that isn't pink (or perhaps just not well-washed), as well as women who don't have vaginas.

We don't know, and we don't want to know, what they're wearing on their heads.