Tweet Screams Are Made of These

There's Noh business like show business.

As surely and inflexibly ritualistic as its Japanese antecedent, yet another Kabuki performance is on display in our media. As koto music is plucked in the background, we see Donald Trump astride the stage, boldly making an "insensitive" tweet. His antagonist, in this case Elijah "Bowling Ball Head" Cummings, then dramatically declares that Trump is a racist for calling his largely black congressional district a "disgusting, rat and rodent infested mess" and a "very dangerous & filthy place." Offstage, kodo drums beat loudly to indicate that a storm is gathering or, perhaps, just to wake up an audience that has seen this drama way too often.

Unavoidably, anything we could say about this idiocy would pretty much be Kabuki commentary at this point, so we'll just say that it's pretty odd for a President of the United States to be called a white racist because he says that poor black Americans should be able to live in communities which aren't filled with rats, poverty, and crime.

Elijah Cummings is, of course, against that notion...

"No justice, no cheese!"

How to Become Uncomfortably Dumb

After six brutal days of having no access to telephone, television, or internet services, we're back up and running and completely unsurprised to discover that the news is just as stupid as before we were (not suspiciously at all) disconnected for no reason by Frontier Effing Communications.

In trying to catch up, it seems like one of the big stories has been the continuing foam-flecked frenzy of those on the Left to label Donald Trump the most horrible racist ever born based on his tweets which didn't actually mention race at all. Not that this matters to CNN, who had numerous outraged talking heads hyperventilating about race, above an on-screen lower-third graphic declaring "DONALD TRUMP SAYS RACIST TWEETS WEREN'T RACIST." Nice impartiality, CNN.

The other big story, of course, was Robert Mueller's long awaited congressional testimony (at the insistence of Democrats) regarding his 400+ page nothing-burger report on Trump and the Russians. Although there was nothing particularly damning in the report itself, the Dems hoped that Mueller would say something - anything - that might be twisted to support a possible Presidential impeachment.

Sadly, the only mystery Mueller was able to clear up is why he has to have labels with his name and address stitched to all of his clothing in case he wanders away from home. Mueller was halting, confused, self-contradictory, and seemed so unaware of the contents of his report that many are now wondering if he didn't write the report at all, but simply slapped his name on it - which is why he hasn't wanted to answer any questions until now, and why he was unwilling or unable to answer questions when he was forced to.

Mueller looked so bad that even Ruth Bader Ginsburg said, "just bury that poor old SOB already." And we defy anyone to prove that our quote is inaccurate without contacting Ruth via Ouija board.

Inspiration

Gay sex without internet, phone, or television. Actually I just said "day six" but thought the voice translation was actually funnier than whatever I was actually going to say.

See you in the comments section!