Wednesday, September 20, 2017

In Sickness And In...No, Just Sickness

Oh, it is SO not happening today. We're still sick, and our home is still jammed with contractors trying to outdo one another in the making outrageous noises competition.

At this very moment, our head is pounding and we actually feel faint - making it a less than perfect time to really savor the ongoing duet by a circular saw and nail gun. And what's better for a queasy tummy and rattling phlegm-filled lungs than a fresh round of toxic paint fumes?

On top of everything else, we had to take time off from wishing for a speedy death to deal with the fact that a coffin-sized box which has been getting moved all over our house for the last 6 weeks turned out to contain the wrong friggin' bathtub. 

We'll be back ASAP. Until then, carry on!


REM1875 said...

Get well soon Doc - take your time recovering -we ain't going nowheres.......

Pete (Detroit) said...

Wholly Carp!
I was wondering if there was a good reason you were still 'trapped' there.
Evidently so, or they might have actually installed the erroneous tub...
So sad for ya.

Maoz said...

Refuah shleimah umeherah! May you have a complete and rapid recovery!

Unknown said...

Hang in there, Stilt. Cutty Sark for my horses and men.

Fred Ciampi said...

And all the King's horses and all the King's men installed the wrong &^%$@@(& bathtub again. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

She’s A Beauty said...

It could be the Cutty that's gotten you into this mess. Time for an upgrade.

jlw said...

go to a local hotel for a couple of days. that's what i did when at certain points during my renovation. well worth the minor cost and inconvenience

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Thanks for the well wishes. I'm feeling incrementally better this morning, but won't be scaling any mountains yet. Which really makes me feel silly for wearing lederhosen today.

@Pete (Detroit)- It's things like the "wrong tub" snafu that make me want to keep an eye on the process. Or the fact that when we blinked, we had porcelain tile installed in a space which was supposed to remain carpeted. Or the fact that guys with sledgehammers have to ask if "all this" gets destroyed when, no, it doesn't.

@jlw- The problem is that "a couple of days" wouldn't really do the trick. I think we're at week 6 now, and I can't say for sure we've passed the halfway mark (though I passionately hope so).

Anonymous said...

Ironic timing of this comic today considering todays posting. Thanks for entertaining us with your misery. Been there...... done that.

Tots said...

"Coffin Sized Box"

How convenient???

Who's trying to kill you Stilt? It's all too well planned out. Just a bit TOO well planned out.

jlw said...

i didn't mean that a couple of days was all you need to do the renovation. i meant that a break in the action, especially if you are feeling poorly, can be well worth while. i don't recall how long mine took. i replaced all the plumbing in the house and the entire kitchen. i did two one night hotel stays. worth it for me. YMMV

Cookie said...

I well remember our kitchen and bathroom remodel about 12-13 years ago. We thought our guy was a full time contractor. Turns out he did that on the side--worked full time for the government and part time as a contractor. Started at the end of summer and our contractor promised it would be done by Thanksgiving when all our family would be coming for that wonderful day. It was definitely full of wonder. It's a wonder we were able to have Thanksgiving dinner as our guy didn't have it all done as promised. We ended up firing him before everything was completely done. It was such a joke, so I feel your pain for sure. We ended up doing some other remodeling a few years later in which a "real" contractor (and perfectionist, I might add) did the job and ended up fixing some screw ups by the other guy. What a relief! I hope you have good people there making things absolutely splendiferous for you! Also hope you are feeling much better very soon. Take care and take your time. As REM1875 said, "we ain't going nowheres."

John the Econ said...

Probably the single biggest reason that I didn't become a Bill Gates or Mark Suckerburg is my inability to delegate and resisting the urge to micromanage. And s*** like this is why: Turn your back for an hour, and the wrong tub gets installed. I feel for you.

I'll pick up some slack here. It's from my "Oh, it's so clear to me now" file. No need for a cartoon because the video shows it all:

...asylum seeker setting fire to a Melbourne bank in an "act of retribution" for being kept waiting to make a withdrawal

I guess banks in Myanmar are far more efficient than those in Australia. One of the reasons he left, no doubt.

Nur Islam survived after receiving burns over 60% of his body. His lawyer says that "...there was insufficient evidence Islam had intended to injure the people inside the bank and the charges of intentionally causing serious injury and intentionally causing injury should be downgraded."

No doubt because it's not reasonable for refugees from Myanmar to think that spilling and igniting several gallons of gasoline in a crowded bank lobby might actually injure somebody.

From my "Progressivism is a mental disorder" file:

Sacramento City Council Votes Unanimously To Pay Gang Members $1.5 Million To Not Kill People

"The city council unanimously approved the “Advance Peace” program in an attempt to address their ongoing problem with violent crime... The program pays gang members to graduate school and stop shooting at people. If a gang member wants to start killing people, they’ll be forfeiting their taxpayer-funded payday."

Damn. And to think that I've spent my whole life not killing people for free!

But we have to give the Progressive leaders of Sacramento credit for at least addressing the problem. In other places, Progressives don't do anything because, as Obama would say, that's just not who we are:

Baltimore's Leaders Admit They Know How To Reduce Murder Rate, But REFUSE To Do It

"State's Attorney Marilyn Mosby admits more stringent policing policies save lives, but says that's not "the way forward." In a rather remarkable admission, Baltimore's progressive law enforcement leaders, State's Attorney Marilyn Mosby (of Freddie Gray trial infamy) and Police Commissioner Kevin Davis, admitted to the paper that the skyrocketing homicide rate — averaging over 300 murders a year, up from less than 200 murders in 2011 — was directly linked to disavowing the more stringent policing policies of the past. While those more "heavy-handed" policies have clearly proven to work, Mosby and Davis made clear in the interview that they will not let proven success get in the way of their perceived "progress."

Progressive "Progress" is literally killing black people. Just remember this the next time you read about the theoretical threat from "white supremacists" at some point later today.

Stan da Man said...

Hang in there Stilt, You're a survivor too...

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous- Good one!

@Tots- If I entertained conspiracies, I'd be looking hard at all the places spy equipment could be getting planted right now. Although I suppose with an Amazon Echo listening to me all the time, there's hardly a need. Still, this would be a very convenient time for someone to arrange an "accident" for me...

@jlw- Okay, THAT makes sense. Yes, a couple of days away from all of this would feel pretty good.

@Cookie- In complete seriousness, we've been very impressed by our contractor and her crews. Very professional, but a certain degree of chaos is inescapable.

@John the Econ- Humorously, a guy just came out to pick up the wrong tub and leave a replacement. Turns out the replacement was wrong, too. And this is why I'm camped out here...

Regarding Nur Islam, the impatient human torch, he should have received no treatment for his burns other than salt. I watched a terrified mother push her baby carriage through the pool of gasoline just as he stooped to light it. I can't help but wonder if he was annoyed not just by waiting, but by waiting behind women?

Per the story about Sacramento paying gangs not to kill, it makes me wish Trump would invite an inner city youth to the White House and, rather than having him mow the lawn, simply paid the kid not to kill anyone for a year. Would the press be appalled or delighted? I honestly don't know anymore.

And great catch on the murder in Baltimore story, too. What a perfect definition of the Leftist mindset: to do what's "right" rather than what is actually beneficial for the public.

@Stan da Man- That was hilarious! Who was doing the Hillary impression? (Uh, that WAS an impression - right...?)

mindful webworker said...

Mister Jarlsberg,

You helped us with laughter when we were enduring the pain of the Obamama years.

Now you help us with laughter still -- sorry it's at your pain and suffering this time 'round. But, funny toon, wretched retching man! In the classic Jarlsberg value of funny.

Colby Muenster said...

Crying shame about the tub. Sometimes, when I'm enduring a cold or flu, a long, hot bath with a glass of whiskey eases the suffering a bit. I wonder if the folks down at the YMCA would freak out if they saw you in the Jacuzzi, sneezing and snotting, and downing a bottle of Black Jack?

Hang in there!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@A Mindful Webworker- The day I can't at least make a stab at humor is when folks should actually worry.

@Colby Muenster- A Jacuzzi sounds blissful. And coincidentally, my wife and I will actually be joining the YMCA next month while the taxpayers foot the bill for our membership. It's called the "Silver Sneakers" program and is part of one of those Medicare lettered add-on plans (D? G?). There was a time when I would have felt bad about using any such program, but with the insane spending and waste already going on, I won't mind having a subsidized senior toe-touching class.

Alfonso Bedoya said...

Stilt, I read Donald Trump's "The Art of the Deal" a few years ago and remember his taking charge of the renovation of the Central Park skating rink---a project that the city had been working on for several years, with no end in sight. Trump's workmen completed the project in a couple of months and IIRC below budget. You can reach the man in Washington, D.C. I don't have his actual street address or phone number, but he shouldn't be too hard to find. Tell him I sent you.

Geoff King said...

In reviewing several Hilarity parody videos, I came across this one that begged to be shared:

Dan said...

@Geoff King
Now THAT was funny. Well put together.

@Stilt. I echo the get-away-for-a-day-or-two suggestion. Quiet, shower, comfy bed, maybe a recliner, nothing to crawl around to get from one place to another.

John the Econ said...

Amazon Echo: Call me paranoid, but if the NSA isn't behind it, they should be.

Pitch meeting: Hey, wire-tapping is so 1980s, expensive, and a pain in the ass. Let's create a fashionable microphone that listens to people 24/7 and transmits those conversations to us in real-time. And we'll even get them to pay for it! (Room full of evil white men laugh uncontrollably)

Wrong Replacement: Humorously? Clearly you're downing copious quantities of cold medicine if you're still maintaining any semblance of "humor" about this.

Nur Islam: What gets me is that there were likely people on waiting lists that got longer because of the considerable resources required to save this ass-hat, who should have been left to be consumed by the fire of his own making. What you wanna bet he gets asylum anyway, because, well, now he needs lifetime care resulting from a tragic banking accident?

Oh, and don't stereotype anything from the guys name. That would be raaaayyysiissst.

Sacramento vs Trump: Want more Trump? Because insanity like that is how you get more Trump.

Baltimore: Want more Trump? Because insanity like that is how you get more Trump.

JustaJeepGuy said...

Has anyone seen the latest from Hitlary Clinton? She can't even read a book and take the correct lesson from it:

It's bad enough Hitlary can't understand "1984", but what's really scary is all the people who voted for her!