Friday, March 23, 2018

Sexty Minutes

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CBS is already teasing an upcoming 60 Minutes "exclusive interview" with porn star Stormy Daniels, who is dying to tell someone - anyone! - that she had sex with Donald Trump over a decade before he entered politics.

The interview, which has already taken place but not aired, was conducted by incisive newsman Anderson Cooper. Who, according to unnamed 60 Minutes sources, was felt to be "the only man for the job" owing to the fact that he wouldn't be staring at Stormy's knockers the whole time.

We're not entirely sure why this ancient nonsense is even considered a story outside of the undeniably photogenic quality of the aforementioned knockers. Ms. Daniels doesn't claim that she was mistreated, pressured, or harmed in any way during her alleged dalliance...but is angry that she only received a six figure paycheck for keeping her mouth shut, when she now realizes that she can easily get seven figures for opening her mouth. So to speak.

We don't care about this "story" but we do care about its vile intent: to destroy Donald Trump personally (by putting pressure on his marriage) since he appears to be invulnerable politically.

That's low, even by the mainstream media's Mariana Trench-depth standards.


stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, 60 minutes, stormy daniels, porn, anderson cooper, trump, biden, beat the hell, gym

Apparently taking umbrage at the notion that Donald Trump may have shamed a porn star by doinking her without a camera crew present, Joe Biden barked to a crowd that if he were back in high school, he'd take Trump behind the gym and "beat the hell out of him."

Apparently Biden trotted out this line because it was so successful when he previously used it - virtually word for word - back in 2016. Which is likely the last time he had (or ever will have) what could conceivably pass for an original thought.

Trump, however, responded with a very measured response on Twitter, combining dignity with a frostbite-cold rebuke of Biden...

Just kidding! That's what we wish Trump had tweeted. Instead, we predictably got this...

"He would go down fast and hard, crying all the way"?! We're starting to think that the money being spent on Trump's gravitas lessons is being wasted.


After putting together the Biden cartoon above, our subconscious (or is it the earwig in our brain?) wouldn't stop spitting out additional punchlines. And these just seemed like too much fun to go unseen...

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, 60 minutes, stormy daniels, porn, anderson cooper, trump, biden, beat the hell, gym

stilton’s place, stilton, political, humor, conservative, cartoons, jokes, hope n’ change, 60 minutes, stormy daniels, porn, anderson cooper, trump, biden, beat the hell, gym


Sortahwitte said...

Maybe slow joe should start with not putting his hands on 10 year old girls.
That might be too much to ask. I heard he's related to the kennedy clan of child molesters.

Velveeta Processed Cheese Food said...

I think the last one hits the nail on the head. Joe wishes he'd gotten a tenth of Donny's action.

Velveeta Processed Cheese Food said...

By the way, thank you so much for getting rid of that post-verifying nightmare.

Mike aka Proof said...

Since Trump was a Democrat all those many years ago, it IS newsworthy that the MSM is getting all worked up about a Democrat having sex!

And "tough guy" Joe Biden needs to sue Walter Mitty for copyright infringement!

Rgenad Kcin said...

After DJT (Alpha Male) left the "Dark Side" to join the forces of Righteousness and Honor, the leftards had nothing but serial pedophiles, rabid lesbians, and militant dullards to carry their banner. Schumer, Pelosi. Clintons, etc. are the dregs of humanity and wastes of epidermal tissue. And, what about all of the Biden dirty Chinese laundry ? Uncle Joe been taking lessons from Hildebeast and doing all kinds of back room deals with the Chines while using his former office to get his foot in the door to the money pot. His nefarious ops deserves some serious scrutiny and maybe a couple of subpoenas to tighten up his sphincter.........

REM1875 said...

Joe sharply smashed Trump's fist with his outstretched chin and quickly drove his crotch into Trumps knee, they quickly dived to block Trumps kick with his head.....screaming about total victory as he slowly slipped out of conciousness .......

L.C.Clower said...

Even Anderson Cooper would agree, over the years Stormy's talent(s) have been slipping downwards.

Fish Out of Water said...

Ratings, ratings, ratings, CBS given its uber geriatric viewing audience badly needs. If it was a one-legged, foul-smelling garden gnome who alleges it has the 'good';s on the duly-elected POTUS, CBS would put it on air with the same mantle of 'Absolute Moral Authority'.

Fred Ciampi said...

And wasn't 'touch me' Joe the one who told his wife that if she heard someone trying to get in the front door to shoot her shotgun through the door? It may prove embarrassing if it was Joe who just forgot his keys....

Unknown said...

I find it interesting that the press wasn't offended by a threat against POTUS. If "The Delaware Wonder" was POTUS and "The Donald" had threatened him, wouldn't an arrest have been in order? Isn't there a law about openly threatening the President of the United States?

Elbarto said...

Never thought I'd see a President and former Vice-President of the United States bragging about who would have beat the other up in high school. It's like something right out of "the Onion."

Emmentaler Limburger said...

@Fred: Embarrassing? More like ironic. Or serendipitous...

Geoff King said...

Obviously the Dems are jealous of Trump's sex life. A porn star, a fashion model, and now Former Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal.
The best Clinton could do was rather plain looking interns and (gag) The Hildebeast.

Unknown said...

As we gather behind the gym I can hear a familiar voice saying: "let's get ready to rumbllllllleeeeeee".

She’s A Beauty said...

DJT - A porn star with proportions daunting enough to snuff out a lesser man.

Uncle Joe - Prepubescents with apparently soft and sniffable hair.

YOU pick the “normal” attraction...

Fritzchen said...

Tonight Quintet

Ol' Stormy's gonna have her kicks
She'll tell Aunt Cooper of her "Tricks"
By libs she'll be admired, so what!
Who cares if she's admired,
She's still a slut

That senile Biden punk
Will get an ass stomp!
And when he hollers "Uncle"
We'll drain the swamp!


AmyH said...

Yeah, pretty funny coming from Joey, concidering a majority of the pictures we saw of him with women (not his wife) he had his paws all over them. Yet, they make fun of VP Pence.

AmyH said...

What the Democrats dont understand is, we do not care what someone does in their marriage/outside of their marriage BEFORE becoming President. If he had sex with Stormy before Melania or while married does not concern anyone but his wife, if shes concerned at all. We DO have an issue of someone having an affair IN the Oval Office (where secrets could be said &/or left out on the desk) and lying under oath about it.
As usual, Democrats cant tell apples from oranges. Must be difficult going to the grocery store, if they do.

Anonymous said...

Here in Missouri, the left is trying to do the same thing to our governor. They don't like that he's working toward fiscal responsibility, holding people accountable, stuff like that.

They've been trying to drag out an affair he had some years ago, before he was in office. He and his wife chose to stay together, worked things through, and now the governor's former infidelity partner decided to make noise.

You'd think that might have come out during the election? Nah. It's only happening now when the governor is actually undoing the damage by the former Lefty who was in office WAAAAY too long.

Walter L. Stafford said...

The question is: Is Anderson Cooper really a man or a switch hitter?

Velveeta Processed Cheese Food said...

@WalterLStafford: It's my understanding that Cooper only bats left, metaphorically speaking.

John the Econ said...

Trump's a pig. Who knew?

Seriously, the same left that 20 years ago literally spent every single ounce of their already stretched political capital to save Bill Clinton from himself by repeating to us ad nauseum that getting blow jobs from an intern in the Oval Office was totally meaningless and irrelevant because it was "just sex" and that we right-wing prudes should just get over it is now struggling to make hay over Trump's likely dalliance with a porn star over a dozen years ago.

Guess what? Nobody cares!

Better yet, it looks as though he might have actually grabbed a porn star's pussy!
Guess what? Nobody cares!

Sorry, Democrats. You unwittingly inoculated Trump from any consequences from this sort of thing by saving Bill Clinton over far worse, and then on top of that by supporting his enabling and deplorable wife for President 18 years later. Literally, it was the Democrats who made the Donald Trump Presidency both viable and inevitable.

@Stilton is right, this is vile. But not only is it going to fail miserably at its intended goal, it's only going to drag the already low stature of the mainstream media even lower, as if that is still even possible after the shamelessness of the last two-plus years. If you had been able to predict 20 years ago and try to warn Democrats that this is where their blind fealty was leading, they never would have believed it.

BATTLIN' BIDEN: I do like your tweet much better. Such a erudite response is just too much to expect from our current tweeter in chief. But that Biden still commands any respect within the leftosphere is just another indictment of how little they have going on there.

Speaking of resolving differences with violence:

Glenpool Student Recovers After Beating Over Gun-Violence Walkout

Got it. The mob wants you to surrender your guns that they say you don't need, and are prepared to beat you to a pulp if you don't pretend to support their cause and virtue signal with them.

Now imagine these people with real power.

Noor al Haqiqa said...

No great comment here. Just wanted to say that the top Biden option truly knocked the breath out of me so fast and hard I choked for about 30 seconds.

I will have my family send you my obit should you do this again and I don't recover....

But gosh, I love you.

Colby Muenster said...

I will say that I don't much like it that our current president seems to have a problem with the whole "married for life - 'til death do us part" thing, but dang! As many here have pointed out, Slick Willie was a deviant while he was POTUS, and the Dem-turds had no problem with that. "He's just being a man," they said. "We are all sexual beings," they said. "This is a nothing burger," they said.

I will not watch Anderson Pooper, but it would be fun to watch him desperately trying to keep his eyes on Ms. Daniel's face!

Sortahwitte said...

There is nothing on that woman that would interest cooper except a really sexy pair of (f*ck me) shoes and a feather boa. I strive to offend everbody, regardless of rage, cholor or greed.

EB said...

Trump's response to Biden bring to my mind Truman's letter to his daughter's critic.

james daily said...

Old Plugs is ambidextrous and can grope with either or both hands, especially children. Whether those two + seventy years old mix it up is irrelevant, sort of like when Strom Thurmond and Ralph Yarborough got in a fight on the Senate floor. But, more importantly, President Trump has really irritated me with his signing this outrageous bill. I have to say that George Wallace was spot on in 1964 when he said there was not a dime's worth of difference between the Republicans and Democrats. Then, in the movie, "Kingfish", "Kingfish, what is the difference between the republicans and democrats?" Kingfish: "The democrats will skin you from the neck down and the republicans from the ass up."
I think I think too much.

Regnad Kcin said...

Anderson Cooper putts from the rough. Biden fondles teenage girls. WM. J. Clinton should be a poster boy for the serial crimes squad. And Hillary's face should be on the targets at the FBI firing range. DJT lays pipe like a Boss and the leftards lose their collective minds. Take your pick, America..........

Gee M said...

kennedy...Marilyn, Jaqueline, and I'm sure a few other honeys; Trump...from one hot mama to the next; Clinton-Hillary, Paula, the entire animal shelter in Little Rock; need we mention how lovely and classy Laura Bush was?
Then we get to Moochelle...
I know who the studs are and who I prefer to be the hard charging swinging thingie in charge of the US of A.
Not a good job for a sensitive milquetoast...
(Or Hillary!)

Judi King said...

Trump seems a trifle sophomoric, in his personal life, but as a President, he at least keeps his campaign promises which is refreshing. Also, it seems to me that he truly loves our great country. And so I agree.....who cares?

james daily said...

I am not as mad as I was: Vote was 65:33, Veto Proof. At least 26 Rs voted against it.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Sortahwitte- When Joe grabs a young girl, he practically licks her face like an ice cream cone. Disturbing, to put it mildly.

@Velveeta Processed Cheese Food- I think the only action Joe got in high school involved those behind-the-gym beatings. Though they weren't fights so much as circle jerks.

And I can't take credit for the CAPTCHA changes regularly without my having anything to do with it.

@Mike aka Proof- The Dems don't really care that he had sex, they just hope to cause enough discord in Trump's marriage to cripple him in office.

And around here, you get bonus points for any reference to James Thurber.

@Regnad Kcin- Joe is no white knight. I hope people dig deeper into the Chinese deal.

@REM1875- The battle of the century!

@L.C.Clower- She should always be accompanied by a road sign that says "Warning: Falling Boulders."

@Fish Out of Water- Sex sells, and CBS knows it.

@Fred Ciampi- Right you are! Biden recommended that people who hear something spooky outside their door just go ahead and fire a shotgun through it. And these are the people telling us about gun safety?!

@Samuel Price- I think Joe skated on the threat because he prefaced it by saying "if I was back in High School." But hilariously, the Lefty media had lots of articles about Trump threatening Biden without mentioning Biden's remarks at all.

@jpb252- Exactly. It's an embarrassment to all involved. Is it too much to ask that we actually get some grown-ups in office?

@Emmentaler Limburger- I like your "glass half full" attitude.

@Geoff King- As I recall, Bill Clinton's tastes ran towards so-called "trailer trash." Easier to shut them up without questions being asked, I suppose.

@Harry Kazortch- Hey, I'd pay to see that fight!

@Section147- Excellent point!

@Fritz Brohn- Well done, sir!

@AmyH- Trump talked (stupidly) about "grabbing," but Joe actually does it. And as you point out, Pence is looking smarter and smarter for making sure no woman can make false accusations against him in this #MeToo witch hunt.

And you're absolutely right that there's no real comparison between Trump and Bill Clinton in all this foolishness. Clinton got impeached for lying under doesn't even matter what he was lying about. In Trump's case, who he was cavorting with is between him and Melania.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous- I seem to recall that Democrats were absolutely rapturous about Hillary Clinton forgiving Bill's indiscretions and keeping the marriage together (but make no mistake - it wasn't love, but political expedience).

@Walter L Stafford- Anderson Cooper is proudly and openly Gay. Which is probably the only thing about him that I don't find annoying.

By the way, I encourage everyone to take a couple of minutes to enjoy seeing Anderson Cooper have an out of control giggle fit as he tries to get through a story about the celebration of Dyngus Day.

@Velveeta Processed Cheese Food- To his credit on the playing field, Coop is equally good at being either pitcher or catcher.

@John the Econ- You're right that the Democrats have no political capital anymore to feign outrage over Trump's womanizing. And I'd guess that most folks on our side of the aisle took it for granted that Trump has been nailing hot women for his entire adult (or adulterous?) life.

Re: Biden, it was bittersweet for me to write the fake Tweet from The Donald. I'd give my left arm to have him make tweets that didn't sound flat out loony. But nooOOooo.

Re: Anti-Gun types beating the hell out of 2nd Amendment proponents, I completely agree that this underscores the need for We The People to have an unabridged right to keep and bear arms. I can't count all the times that I've seen Tweets and such from the Left declaring that all of us are Nazis and should be put to death. These bloodthirsty cretins genuinely scare me.

@Noor al Haqiqa- Thanks for the compliment! The Biden "shoot up the school" cartoon really is sort of a gut punch, but it struck me as an appropriate commentary on Biden's call for violence and his general mental instability.

@Colby Muenster- I agree with you; I do have problems with anyone who doesn't respect and adhere to their marital oath, but beyond that it's none of my business (as long as the misdeeds don't involve abuse).

And per my reference to Cooper being "the only man for the job," it is indeed because he's Gay and therefore shouldn't care about Stormy's heaving breasts.

@Sortahwitte- I appreciate your egalitarian approach to offending others. I pride myself on the same!

@EB- Excellent historical reference. And you know, I think Truman really would have been willing to beat the hell out of his daughter's critic!

@James Daily- Yes, I'm fuming about Trump signing the Budget Buster Bill, too. If a wildcard like Trump can't break the overspending in Washington, then I'm convinced it will never happen. We'll just borrow, borrow, borrow (and inflate our currency) until our economy collapses completely.

@Regnad Kcin- I'd actually like to see Trump take a pro-active approach to these alleged sex scandals, perhaps by borrowing your phrase that he "lays pipe like a boss." I'm serious - he should just Tweet "I bang porn stars and Playmates so hard that they see colors with no names." It would be fun to watch Liberal heads explode.

@Gee M- I think your description of Trump as a thingie swinger is particularly apropos.

@Judi King- Trump seems a trifle sophomoric? (Grin) But yes, apart from his many quirks I believe Trump loves America and is trying to do his best for all the people.

@James Daily- I'm still pretty mad. Trump should have shut the government down. There's no other way to actually drain the swamp.

Fish Out of Water said...

@Stilton Yes, sex sells, but given the geriatric profile of CBS/^0 Minutes viewing audience, wouldn't appeals to constipation relief, etc., be better?

John the Econ said...

Off topic: Trump and the GOP throw taxpayers under the omnibus.

So it looks like Trump is going to challenge Obama's deficit spending record. So not only do we not get fiscal sanity, we also do not get the wall, and even UnPlanned UnParenthood gets another raise.

The GOP shrugs and says that they are powerless to do anything about it. Really? Answer me this:

The GOP controls the White House and has majorities in the House and Senate, and yet can't seem to implement very much of their agenda. The Democrats are out of power in all three, and yet seem to get everything they want. So what's the point, GOP? We can get this nonsense without the drama.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Fish Out of Water- Just because the viewers are old, it doesn't mean they're dead. CBS can probably sell some Viagra ads to appeal to the seniors.

@John the Econ- Never enamored with Trump, I at least hoped he'd prove to be a bull in a china shop rather than just another bullshitter. But no - we're giving Planned Parenthood $500 million (in return for which they'll send 10% back to support the Democrats who keep the money coming).

And the GOP is pretty much dead to me (not that I was ever a fan). When it comes to matters budgetary, they're worthless liars.

Considering what this bodes for our nation's economy, I'm tempted to start stockpiling some gold. On the other hand, I may not be buying much of anything for awhile after having my ass handed to me in the stock market last week. (Hmm, happy hour may start a bit earlier than usual today...)

DougM said...

*prOn star

American Cowboy said...

Viagra ads??

I remember the two old timers were talking about the current state of their bedroom activities.
First old timer says, "I just found out about a wonderful new pill called Viagra. Guaranteed to improve your sex life."
Second old timer asks, "Can you get it across the counter?"
First old timer says, "Maybe if I took TWO!"

Sorry folks, it's been one of those weeks.

Pete (Detroit) said...

Stilton, and others... EVERY rep who voted for that ginormabus spender is up for re-election in 6 months or so. We have some brief time to ID and support good people to run against them in primaries, or the mains...
Also, it has been pointed out that unlike a REAL budget, spending bills like this had the $$ to the Pres w/ 'Suggestions' as to how he spends it. Tweet suggests he'll use 'defense' $$ to have Corps of Engineers build the wall.
He can start w/ the F-35 allocations, for openers - THAT stupid ass program needs to be killed and buried w/ a stake in the heart...

John the Econ said...

I have a feeling I know what tomorrow's cartoon is going to be about, but if you're looking for a backup idea:

Just what America needs, a million man choom gang.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- Shhhhh. Mum's the word.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to see Biden try to throw a punch at President Trump. Trump would kick Biden's candy-ass six ways from Sunday! It would be the most watched internet video ever!